anti-social commentaries version 2.1
Monday, September 29, 2003
It's Really For Tegan
I've been writing a lot lately. I'm still writing my cartoon, I'm starting a new novel and I wrote three complete songs on the week-end plus to other pieces without any lyrics. I even started reading "On The Road" by Jack Kerouac. Here's a song I wrote the other day before I went into work. It's actually based on Tegan from Tegan and Sara who I thought "I shared a moment with" (index fingers come together). Long story short, I'm dumb, she's a lesbian. The title actually came from a friend that once said "Sara Smiled At Me" instead of Tegan and I thought it was a really nice line. The only other time that I can remember writing a song about what someone said was about a year and a half ago when a friend of mine got Thirteen Roses on Valentine's Day.
I've been writing a lot lately. I'm still writing my cartoon, I'm starting a new novel and I wrote three complete songs on the week-end plus to other pieces without any lyrics. I even started reading "On The Road" by Jack Kerouac. Here's a song I wrote the other day before I went into work. It's actually based on Tegan from Tegan and Sara who I thought "I shared a moment with" (index fingers come together). Long story short, I'm dumb, she's a lesbian. The title actually came from a friend that once said "Sara Smiled At Me" instead of Tegan and I thought it was a really nice line. The only other time that I can remember writing a song about what someone said was about a year and a half ago when a friend of mine got Thirteen Roses on Valentine's Day.
Sara Smiled At Me
G Em
I've been waiting all this time to know
Bm C G
What Sara chose and if it's me
G Em
As I'm sitting here I think of where she might be
Bm C D
And if she thinks of this as more than a fantasy
Sara you have to make up your mind
So I can make up mine
So tell me I'm not dumb for wasting all my time
I loved wasting it with you
X
C D G
I can't live my life on guessing
Worries, dreams or fantasy
C D
She shared today
G G/F# E
When Sara looked my way
C
Sarah smile at me
D G
And told me it's okay
Don't break my heart again I mean it
I can't stand to pine my life away
I saw it coming but I couldn't have seen it
I knew that smile could never stay
X
C D G
I can't live my life on guessing
Worries, dreams or fantasy
C D
So scared today
G G/F# E
Oh Sara look my way
C
Sarah smile at me
D G
Or tell me it's okay
Em G A C
It gets hard not knowing the truth some times
From what it was and what it could be
If I lose sara I lose everything I've got
D C G ---- F#
Oh Sara say your smile is still for me
E D C G
E G C
E F# G
Bm C D
C D G
X
C D G
I can't live my life on guessing
Worries, dreams or fantasy
C D
So share today
G G/F# E
Oh Sara look my way
C
Sarah smile at me
D G
And tell me it's okay
A Classic
And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again but I love her. I love her. Who doesn't? Honestly, who doesn't? How can't you? I miss her... in more than one way. She'll always have a place in my heart. A place that's only reserved for her. A place no one else can touch or see. A place in my mind that I don't want to show to anyone else. A place on my body that I probably won't share with anyone else. A place inside of me that I didn't know existed before she came along. And I love her.
I've been waking up from nightmares - high school, work, Sally Struthers - just weird nightmares. I woke up in tears one night and have often woke up with my heart racing. I'm all jacked up. Not that anyone cares.
Lelaina:: I just don’t understand why things just can’t go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something.If Lauren doesn't read my e-mail first then I'll break the news here, they are making a sequel to Before Sunrise. I'm in need of some hope as of late and a sequel to one of my top fives will be great. But hope is a dangerous thing. Hope is what keeps me going and I often question if it's worth going on for.
Troy:: Well, ‘cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don’t turn out like that.
Lelaina:: I was really gonna be something by the age of 23.
Troy:: Honey, the only thing you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.
Lelaina:: I don’t know who that is anymore.
Troy:: I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again but I love her.
And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again but I love her. I love her. Who doesn't? Honestly, who doesn't? How can't you? I miss her... in more than one way. She'll always have a place in my heart. A place that's only reserved for her. A place no one else can touch or see. A place in my mind that I don't want to show to anyone else. A place on my body that I probably won't share with anyone else. A place inside of me that I didn't know existed before she came along. And I love her.
I've been waking up from nightmares - high school, work, Sally Struthers - just weird nightmares. I woke up in tears one night and have often woke up with my heart racing. I'm all jacked up. Not that anyone cares.
Saturday, September 27, 2003
More
I can't sleep. I don't know why. It's raining. There's thunder. It's four o' clock in the morning. I'm cold. I'm alone. It's confusing. It's scatterd. It's unbelievable. I'm sick.
There are two kinds of people in this world. One that thinks they know something and one that admits they know nothing. I know nothing. At least I'm not kidding myself.
I may use the pseudonym of "A Dreamer", but you cannot dream when you are awake. Or maybe you can? Maybe that's where the name came from. She gave me the name... unoffically. She used to call me a dreamer. Now... I'm not sure what I am. She called me nice the other day. A nice guy? Nice Guys finish last. Maybe I should go by "A Loser". Or maybe "A Spaz".
These are the insane ramblings of a sick person at 4 in the morning. It's not alright.
I can't sleep. I don't know why. It's raining. There's thunder. It's four o' clock in the morning. I'm cold. I'm alone. It's confusing. It's scatterd. It's unbelievable. I'm sick.
There are two kinds of people in this world. One that thinks they know something and one that admits they know nothing. I know nothing. At least I'm not kidding myself.
I may use the pseudonym of "A Dreamer", but you cannot dream when you are awake. Or maybe you can? Maybe that's where the name came from. She gave me the name... unoffically. She used to call me a dreamer. Now... I'm not sure what I am. She called me nice the other day. A nice guy? Nice Guys finish last. Maybe I should go by "A Loser". Or maybe "A Spaz".
These are the insane ramblings of a sick person at 4 in the morning. It's not alright.
The Same Old Joke
I have a self-esteem problem... but not a very good one.
I suffer from low self-esteem. I admit that. I always feel like I'm not good enough or smart enough or tall enough or handsome enough or... well, there's nothing to really think about is there. And I think what stops me from growing as an individual is how deeply I feel about things. You may not know this, but there are things that I care about a lot, maybe even love. There's the obvious... obviously... but there's other things. My writing and my music are probably the two things about myself that are personally mine. I might not be able to play like Rivers or write like Kevin Smith, but I've been told that I'm good... but I never believe them. I try to write and play, but I always think that I'm not any good, and it's mainly because I love things to much. I could never write a song as a great as "A Perfect Sonnet" or write a movie like Chasing Amy or a novel like Hard Core Logo. And that's why I hardly ever finish anything that I start. Before I'm even half way done, I compare it to "Pinkerton" or "The Hottest State" and in comparison I think they suck. Occasionally, I make something I love like "My Everything" or "The Sell-outs", but it's my comparisons to the things I love that make me feel inferior.
Next month is National Novel Writing Month... or something like that. Though I did just finish writing an album a few months ago, I really need to just finish something. Good or bad, it doesn't matter. It just has to get done.
I don't feel like sleeping... Expect random hour posts.
I have a self-esteem problem... but not a very good one.
I suffer from low self-esteem. I admit that. I always feel like I'm not good enough or smart enough or tall enough or handsome enough or... well, there's nothing to really think about is there. And I think what stops me from growing as an individual is how deeply I feel about things. You may not know this, but there are things that I care about a lot, maybe even love. There's the obvious... obviously... but there's other things. My writing and my music are probably the two things about myself that are personally mine. I might not be able to play like Rivers or write like Kevin Smith, but I've been told that I'm good... but I never believe them. I try to write and play, but I always think that I'm not any good, and it's mainly because I love things to much. I could never write a song as a great as "A Perfect Sonnet" or write a movie like Chasing Amy or a novel like Hard Core Logo. And that's why I hardly ever finish anything that I start. Before I'm even half way done, I compare it to "Pinkerton" or "The Hottest State" and in comparison I think they suck. Occasionally, I make something I love like "My Everything" or "The Sell-outs", but it's my comparisons to the things I love that make me feel inferior.
Next month is National Novel Writing Month... or something like that. Though I did just finish writing an album a few months ago, I really need to just finish something. Good or bad, it doesn't matter. It just has to get done.
I don't feel like sleeping... Expect random hour posts.
Friday, September 26, 2003
Nature's Fruit Juice
I'm not really sure of what I'm going to write today. It's been awhile. I find myself most honest as I sit in front of this extremely warm contraption without anything thought out or planned.
Love... well, love... love, love, love... I don't know. I'm not sure. You know how I feel about her. Everyone knows how I feel about her. Nothing ever changes on that front. She could stab me with a broken Heineken bottle and I'd probably smile and say "I love you". I'm extremely devoted to "this girl" and I always will be. She's beautiful and smart and has the greatest eyes and voice on earth. And to top that, she's a genuinely good person. She has a good heart. She's not someone you can hate. At least, I never could.
They say that your first love is always the most important because he or she becomes the yardstick upon everyone else that comes after is measured by. The fact is, no one could ever measure up beside her. Forget our friendship and her beauty for a second... the girl saved my life. She saved my life. And that's something no one else can claim to have done. She's my best-friend and beyond...
I just can't live my life in fear (or the terrorist have one). I can't let little things bother me as much, and I think I'm getting better than that. I'm getting much better at that actually. I'm keeping my head a lot more level and my tears to a minimum... although Jerry MacGuire and an episode of Friends really hit a spot in me the other day. The Friends episode in question was when Chandler and Monica got engaged and Richard (Magnum PI) wanted to win her back. I don't want to be Richard... because that would make me a dick.
Last thought on this girl - I love her always and unconditionally... well unless she reveals the secrets of my leg cramp, my chin scar, and the story of buddy.
As for everything else... well, let's see. I haven't really delved deeply into the other parts of my life. Parental life, it's still the same. Actually, it's a little better in some sense. I've gained a respect for my mom. I don't hate her. She is not a bad person. In fact, I'll say that she's quite good. Do I love her? I don't know... that's just hard for me to understand. But she's alright. She may have a hundred children floating around the world that I do not know about and she may have never told me about them (which is my main beef with her), but the fact is my mother and I actually have a relationship. I've seen my mother more or less everyday of my life and she does things for me. And to me, that constitutes as a relationship. My father on the other hand... same old shit. Asshole, racist, bastard, Jecho.
School... well, do I like school? I'd say that like is a strong word. School to me is a stepping stone right now of getting closer to the previously mentioned girl. I don't know if it will help much since the world's economy is just so horrible, but it often feels like my only hope. But I'm actually like some parts of school. I'm loving contemporary literature class. It's helping me understand how and why to write. It's helpful. A major contributor to the idea of my cartoon now entitled "She Says It's Alright". I'm quite excited about writing something again without any limitations or preconceptions.
Also about school, I have not yet paid. I don't have the money to pay for it. My government funding was a joke, my job is a joke, and the simple fact is money makes the world go 'round. I actually bought a lottery ticket today - $20,000,000 jackpot. Pretty much, I blew two dollars.
Finally, I hate my face. I'm quite ugly. That may sound like I'm looking for pitty, though I'm pretty sure only three of you know what I look like, but I just cannot stand the sight of myself.
I'm not really sure of what I'm going to write today. It's been awhile. I find myself most honest as I sit in front of this extremely warm contraption without anything thought out or planned.
Love... well, love... love, love, love... I don't know. I'm not sure. You know how I feel about her. Everyone knows how I feel about her. Nothing ever changes on that front. She could stab me with a broken Heineken bottle and I'd probably smile and say "I love you". I'm extremely devoted to "this girl" and I always will be. She's beautiful and smart and has the greatest eyes and voice on earth. And to top that, she's a genuinely good person. She has a good heart. She's not someone you can hate. At least, I never could.
They say that your first love is always the most important because he or she becomes the yardstick upon everyone else that comes after is measured by. The fact is, no one could ever measure up beside her. Forget our friendship and her beauty for a second... the girl saved my life. She saved my life. And that's something no one else can claim to have done. She's my best-friend and beyond...
I just can't live my life in fear (or the terrorist have one). I can't let little things bother me as much, and I think I'm getting better than that. I'm getting much better at that actually. I'm keeping my head a lot more level and my tears to a minimum... although Jerry MacGuire and an episode of Friends really hit a spot in me the other day. The Friends episode in question was when Chandler and Monica got engaged and Richard (Magnum PI) wanted to win her back. I don't want to be Richard... because that would make me a dick.
Last thought on this girl - I love her always and unconditionally... well unless she reveals the secrets of my leg cramp, my chin scar, and the story of buddy.
As for everything else... well, let's see. I haven't really delved deeply into the other parts of my life. Parental life, it's still the same. Actually, it's a little better in some sense. I've gained a respect for my mom. I don't hate her. She is not a bad person. In fact, I'll say that she's quite good. Do I love her? I don't know... that's just hard for me to understand. But she's alright. She may have a hundred children floating around the world that I do not know about and she may have never told me about them (which is my main beef with her), but the fact is my mother and I actually have a relationship. I've seen my mother more or less everyday of my life and she does things for me. And to me, that constitutes as a relationship. My father on the other hand... same old shit. Asshole, racist, bastard, Jecho.
School... well, do I like school? I'd say that like is a strong word. School to me is a stepping stone right now of getting closer to the previously mentioned girl. I don't know if it will help much since the world's economy is just so horrible, but it often feels like my only hope. But I'm actually like some parts of school. I'm loving contemporary literature class. It's helping me understand how and why to write. It's helpful. A major contributor to the idea of my cartoon now entitled "She Says It's Alright". I'm quite excited about writing something again without any limitations or preconceptions.
Also about school, I have not yet paid. I don't have the money to pay for it. My government funding was a joke, my job is a joke, and the simple fact is money makes the world go 'round. I actually bought a lottery ticket today - $20,000,000 jackpot. Pretty much, I blew two dollars.
Finally, I hate my face. I'm quite ugly. That may sound like I'm looking for pitty, though I'm pretty sure only three of you know what I look like, but I just cannot stand the sight of myself.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
19th Nervous Breakdown
I'm falling apart right now. I'm not going to post for awhile. Enjoy the new main page.
I'm falling apart right now. I'm not going to post for awhile. Enjoy the new main page.
Monday, September 22, 2003
No!
My throat is sore. It's not a painful soreness, but I bet by tomorrow morning it will hurt like hell. My friend at work has been sick for the last week and guess who's come into work sick everyday? And guess who has had to work with her? If you don't guess me then you're slower than I am.
I'm aware of the fact that I am a hypochondriac. True, I like having clean hands and avoid public washrooms, but I know when I'm actually sick and when I'm feeling sick because I'm in a bad mood. My throat hurts pretty bad and I have a slight fever. I took two advil. Hopefully it does something to me other than just knock me out. Not that Advil even knocks you out.
I'm starting this project a friend and I talked about a few months ago... I believe on the day of the Matt Sharp concert. I'm taking a picture of myself a day. Today is September 22, so in a year from now I'll have a flipbook of myself everyday for the last year. It should be interesting... and also gross because I'm not the prettiest knife in the drawer. Though the sick girl said I'm cute, but she also called me a scrub. Yes, just like the 1999 hit "No Scrubs" by TLC.
Current Mood: Sick
Current Song: Insomnia - The Rentals
My throat is sore. It's not a painful soreness, but I bet by tomorrow morning it will hurt like hell. My friend at work has been sick for the last week and guess who's come into work sick everyday? And guess who has had to work with her? If you don't guess me then you're slower than I am.
I'm aware of the fact that I am a hypochondriac. True, I like having clean hands and avoid public washrooms, but I know when I'm actually sick and when I'm feeling sick because I'm in a bad mood. My throat hurts pretty bad and I have a slight fever. I took two advil. Hopefully it does something to me other than just knock me out. Not that Advil even knocks you out.
I'm starting this project a friend and I talked about a few months ago... I believe on the day of the Matt Sharp concert. I'm taking a picture of myself a day. Today is September 22, so in a year from now I'll have a flipbook of myself everyday for the last year. It should be interesting... and also gross because I'm not the prettiest knife in the drawer. Though the sick girl said I'm cute, but she also called me a scrub. Yes, just like the 1999 hit "No Scrubs" by TLC.
Current Mood: Sick
Current Song: Insomnia - The Rentals
10 Lbs Lighter
I cut my hair on Saturday. It's now much much much shorter. The verdict is that it looks much better... at least, that's what most people have said. Someone said they're not used to it, and the truth is, neither am I. My hat doesn't fit properly anymore. I keep expecting to hide behind my bangs when I don't feel like looking at anyone. I keep expecting my hair in my face when I lie down (which is quite often).
But it's fine. It's only hair. It just feels too square or something.
I cut my hair on Saturday. It's now much much much shorter. The verdict is that it looks much better... at least, that's what most people have said. Someone said they're not used to it, and the truth is, neither am I. My hat doesn't fit properly anymore. I keep expecting to hide behind my bangs when I don't feel like looking at anyone. I keep expecting my hair in my face when I lie down (which is quite often).
But it's fine. It's only hair. It just feels too square or something.
RKO
So this post maybe on slightly on the topic of wrestling, and someone once told me that she doesn't read when I write about wrestling, but please bare with me for it's a bit more personal than just two guys in tights fighting.
So I just came back from watch "WWE Unforgiven" at Famous Players. A good show overall, but something kind of stuck out during the broadcast. Randy Orton is only 21 years old. Randy Orton, the guy many people are saying is the next big thing and the future of the business is 21 years old. I am 21 years old. What are they saying about me? Absolutely nothing. I'm not set up to be a world champion of some kind or the next big thing of anything.
Along the same lines, a friend of mine was complaining to me the other day about she wishes she could just be done school. She's been in school for just over 16 years and she just wants out. Why can't she just do the job that she wants? The answer is simple - she's not ready. She wants to be a psychologist, but she just can't do that until she learns about Freud or buys a leather couch or watches every episode of Frasier. She just is not ready yet.
Me, I'm not ready yet exactly either. I'm not sure what it is that I want to be or what I want to do or how I'm going to do it, but it's starting to come to me. I've been too concerned with things lately to realize certain aspects of my life. When I was younger I wrote a novel. Actually, I wrote a few novels in high school, but there was one that I put my heart and soul into and was quite fond of. I sent it to Arsenal Pulp Press and got rejected a few months later. It was semi-devatasting for me. On one hand I thought "If I can't do this right then what else am I supposed to do with my life?" and on the other hand I thought, "Maybe I just have to clean it up a bit." I cleaned it up a bit, but I eventually lost that version in the great computer formatting of 2002.
I've tried to write since then, but I've just been cluttered with thought. I think about the rest of my life and what I have to do far too much. And I loved my first book and why I cherished it so much was because I did it for fun and I did it straight from my heart. I did it with all my knowledge and all my dreams and wrote straight from that place in my mind known as "Dreamerland". I wrote it without the intent of getting it published or getting famous or becoming "The Jim Carrol of Canadian suburbia". I wrote it because I wanted to.
But writing from the heart will not always get you what you want. Back to wrestling for a second, I'd like to bring up legendary wrestling Mic Foley. Mic Foley (AKA Mankind, Cactus Jack, and Dude Love) will probably be best known for the guy who fell 20 feet off the top of the cage care of the Undertaker at King of the Ring 1998. But aside from being the lovable guy that has been hit with a chair more times (and harder) than anyone else in wrestling history lies a writer. He wrote two autobiographies, both of which reached number one on the New York Times best-sellers list. He then quit wrestling to be a full time writer. He released his first piece of fiction just a few months ago entitled "Tietam Brown". It didn't sell nearly as much as his autobiographies. This all got me thinking - why did it not do as well as his other books in spite of it's good reviews? The answer is simple - the audience. His audience was not the same. He went from writting for wrestling fans to writting a sophisticated novel about coming of age.
This (and a few other things) got me interested in my own "writting carrer". I've been thinking about this pretty deeply over the last few weeks. What it all comes down to is one thing - "If I hadn't wrote it, would I read my book?" And the fact is, I probably would not. It's not that it's a bad book or something I wouldn't enjoy, it's just that I don't read many (if any) books. The fact is, the audience of people who would want to read my book is not made up of people who buy books. People who buy books, and, particularly, fiction, are not teen / 20-somethings that enjoy the low-browness of wrestling, the teeny-pop comedy of What I Like About You, and the cryptic scenes of A Clockwork orange. The people who buy books are upper class types that were raised with literature or soccer moms that pick-up whatever's Oprah's book of the month.
These people around my age, we have the attention spans of goldfish (I say this because I learnt that gold fish have attention spans of 7 seconds from watching 2gether on MuchMusic). Today, if we don't like something instantly, then we'll find something else to like. If one show doesn't capture our attention within minutes, we'll change the channel and look for something else. If we don't like the song on 103.5, we'll change the station to 102.1, and if we don't like what's on 102.1, we'll just throw in a mix CD we made off of a kazaa.
The fact is, I have to go make something from my heart again, and it isn't a novel because I don't love novels... I hardly even like them. I can't write music that's all whinish because I personally don't listen to all that much whinish music. I like really fast power-pop-punk sounding stuff. I like distorted guitars. I like cool baselines. I like fast drums. And it's not just the form or genre of which I write, but it's my style. I feel as if I have to start from scratch now. I have to start over from the beginning. I used to write from within my brain, a place filled with cartoons and cotton candy. I think that place is gone now. I think that place has closed up shop. The rides don't move, cotton candy is no longer served, and a guy in a "Mickey Nouse" costume no longer walks the fair grounds. I'm not saying that I'm not dillusional anymore, anyone that knows me still thinks of me as a weirdo in almost every aspect of the word. But the person I was when I wrote my novels throughout high school is not the same person I am today... not exactly I should say. I've lived more. I've fallen in love. I've had my heart broken. I've experienced death (second hand). I watched an airplane go through a building (and not just in True Lies with Ahnold). I understand realities more now. I wouldn't say that I exactly live in it, but I understand it better now.
I have to start feeling things with my heart and letting them go. I have to take the dreams and realities I once had and share them. I'm not sure exactly how, but I will. My cartoon is coming along. I've been drawing a lot lately. The characters look like "emotional stick people". The idea of writing a book and having it printed and bound on paper just isn't something I see myself doing (not for a long time). It just bores me. Words on their hardly ever get a first thought
Basically, it's just hard to gain one's attention as it is to keep it... I'm sure this long-winded rant didn't hold most of yours.
So this post maybe on slightly on the topic of wrestling, and someone once told me that she doesn't read when I write about wrestling, but please bare with me for it's a bit more personal than just two guys in tights fighting.
So I just came back from watch "WWE Unforgiven" at Famous Players. A good show overall, but something kind of stuck out during the broadcast. Randy Orton is only 21 years old. Randy Orton, the guy many people are saying is the next big thing and the future of the business is 21 years old. I am 21 years old. What are they saying about me? Absolutely nothing. I'm not set up to be a world champion of some kind or the next big thing of anything.
Along the same lines, a friend of mine was complaining to me the other day about she wishes she could just be done school. She's been in school for just over 16 years and she just wants out. Why can't she just do the job that she wants? The answer is simple - she's not ready. She wants to be a psychologist, but she just can't do that until she learns about Freud or buys a leather couch or watches every episode of Frasier. She just is not ready yet.
Me, I'm not ready yet exactly either. I'm not sure what it is that I want to be or what I want to do or how I'm going to do it, but it's starting to come to me. I've been too concerned with things lately to realize certain aspects of my life. When I was younger I wrote a novel. Actually, I wrote a few novels in high school, but there was one that I put my heart and soul into and was quite fond of. I sent it to Arsenal Pulp Press and got rejected a few months later. It was semi-devatasting for me. On one hand I thought "If I can't do this right then what else am I supposed to do with my life?" and on the other hand I thought, "Maybe I just have to clean it up a bit." I cleaned it up a bit, but I eventually lost that version in the great computer formatting of 2002.
I've tried to write since then, but I've just been cluttered with thought. I think about the rest of my life and what I have to do far too much. And I loved my first book and why I cherished it so much was because I did it for fun and I did it straight from my heart. I did it with all my knowledge and all my dreams and wrote straight from that place in my mind known as "Dreamerland". I wrote it without the intent of getting it published or getting famous or becoming "The Jim Carrol of Canadian suburbia". I wrote it because I wanted to.
But writing from the heart will not always get you what you want. Back to wrestling for a second, I'd like to bring up legendary wrestling Mic Foley. Mic Foley (AKA Mankind, Cactus Jack, and Dude Love) will probably be best known for the guy who fell 20 feet off the top of the cage care of the Undertaker at King of the Ring 1998. But aside from being the lovable guy that has been hit with a chair more times (and harder) than anyone else in wrestling history lies a writer. He wrote two autobiographies, both of which reached number one on the New York Times best-sellers list. He then quit wrestling to be a full time writer. He released his first piece of fiction just a few months ago entitled "Tietam Brown". It didn't sell nearly as much as his autobiographies. This all got me thinking - why did it not do as well as his other books in spite of it's good reviews? The answer is simple - the audience. His audience was not the same. He went from writting for wrestling fans to writting a sophisticated novel about coming of age.
This (and a few other things) got me interested in my own "writting carrer". I've been thinking about this pretty deeply over the last few weeks. What it all comes down to is one thing - "If I hadn't wrote it, would I read my book?" And the fact is, I probably would not. It's not that it's a bad book or something I wouldn't enjoy, it's just that I don't read many (if any) books. The fact is, the audience of people who would want to read my book is not made up of people who buy books. People who buy books, and, particularly, fiction, are not teen / 20-somethings that enjoy the low-browness of wrestling, the teeny-pop comedy of What I Like About You, and the cryptic scenes of A Clockwork orange. The people who buy books are upper class types that were raised with literature or soccer moms that pick-up whatever's Oprah's book of the month.
These people around my age, we have the attention spans of goldfish (I say this because I learnt that gold fish have attention spans of 7 seconds from watching 2gether on MuchMusic). Today, if we don't like something instantly, then we'll find something else to like. If one show doesn't capture our attention within minutes, we'll change the channel and look for something else. If we don't like the song on 103.5, we'll change the station to 102.1, and if we don't like what's on 102.1, we'll just throw in a mix CD we made off of a kazaa.
The fact is, I have to go make something from my heart again, and it isn't a novel because I don't love novels... I hardly even like them. I can't write music that's all whinish because I personally don't listen to all that much whinish music. I like really fast power-pop-punk sounding stuff. I like distorted guitars. I like cool baselines. I like fast drums. And it's not just the form or genre of which I write, but it's my style. I feel as if I have to start from scratch now. I have to start over from the beginning. I used to write from within my brain, a place filled with cartoons and cotton candy. I think that place is gone now. I think that place has closed up shop. The rides don't move, cotton candy is no longer served, and a guy in a "Mickey Nouse" costume no longer walks the fair grounds. I'm not saying that I'm not dillusional anymore, anyone that knows me still thinks of me as a weirdo in almost every aspect of the word. But the person I was when I wrote my novels throughout high school is not the same person I am today... not exactly I should say. I've lived more. I've fallen in love. I've had my heart broken. I've experienced death (second hand). I watched an airplane go through a building (and not just in True Lies with Ahnold). I understand realities more now. I wouldn't say that I exactly live in it, but I understand it better now.
I have to start feeling things with my heart and letting them go. I have to take the dreams and realities I once had and share them. I'm not sure exactly how, but I will. My cartoon is coming along. I've been drawing a lot lately. The characters look like "emotional stick people". The idea of writing a book and having it printed and bound on paper just isn't something I see myself doing (not for a long time). It just bores me. Words on their hardly ever get a first thought
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Fcuknig amzanig huh?while something colourful will at least catch your eye.
Basically, it's just hard to gain one's attention as it is to keep it... I'm sure this long-winded rant didn't hold most of yours.
Saturday, September 20, 2003
One Of Those Days
Today was one of those days where I had a bad feeling about it all from the moment I woke up.
You know that amazing warm feeling you get in the morning. You feel nice and warm inside of a comforter when it's kind of cold in your room. That was the feeling I had when I got up this morning. I love that feeling. That feeling can only be attained in the winter, spring, and most notably the fall. Fall is almost here. But no matter how much you love that feeling, 99 per cent of time, you never get to enjoy it as much as you'd like. This morning, I woke up at 8:57, three minutes before my Buttercup Alarm Clock sings "Under The Sea" from The Little Mermaid and I wake up to go to school. Some mornings you have to pee, other mornings you have to go to work, but today it was school that robbed me of the warmth and comfort that I find hard to attain.
So I wake up and get out of bed. I wash up - brush my teeth, wash my face, shower... - and then I weighed myself. I lost ten pounds. Hurray? I'm not sure. They feel like a bad ten pounds. I haven't eaten much, really at all in the last week. I've been living off of Diet Vanilla Coke and Aberfoyle Springs water. And I ate at Taco Villa once...
And so I go to the bus stop. My father drops me off. The bus is late. It's raining. I sit in the mini van with him (unfortunately). He starts talking. I don't listen. He starts to cry. I don't care. The bus comes. I go to school.
I show up late for my first english tutorial of the year. Furthermore, I didn't read the book. Why? Because I couldn't buy the book. The book was not in the school bookstore. I listen to the class talk about "Hiroshima" without the foggiest idea of what happened. "So they bombed the Japanese?" I thought. Throughout the class I just doodled, working on the basic design of what my future cartoon characters will look like. After awhile I started looking at this girl in my class. She wasn't pretty or anything. Her shirt just sort of kept me guessing throughout the hour tutorial. She had a t-shirt and over top of it a hoodie. Part of her shirt read "To Sleep". The word before these was covered by her hoodie and I kept guessing what started the sentence. My immediate thought was "Dream To Sleep". It actually read "Time To Sleep." Very disappointing.
I then went to Women and the Law class. Earlier this week I was asked why I took the class and responded "Well, I like women, but I love the law." Today, my TA kept going on about same sex marriage and said the following words "Manly dyke" and "Lipstick lesbian". This immediately had me thinking of the following joke from Chasing Amy:
I have more to say, but my day just sucked. I'm tired. But I did call someone special to me. It sort of brightened my whole week... in spite her having nothing good to say, she being in tremendous pain, I still just love hearing her voice. Yes, the voice gets to me every time.
Today was one of those days where I had a bad feeling about it all from the moment I woke up.
You know that amazing warm feeling you get in the morning. You feel nice and warm inside of a comforter when it's kind of cold in your room. That was the feeling I had when I got up this morning. I love that feeling. That feeling can only be attained in the winter, spring, and most notably the fall. Fall is almost here. But no matter how much you love that feeling, 99 per cent of time, you never get to enjoy it as much as you'd like. This morning, I woke up at 8:57, three minutes before my Buttercup Alarm Clock sings "Under The Sea" from The Little Mermaid and I wake up to go to school. Some mornings you have to pee, other mornings you have to go to work, but today it was school that robbed me of the warmth and comfort that I find hard to attain.
So I wake up and get out of bed. I wash up - brush my teeth, wash my face, shower... - and then I weighed myself. I lost ten pounds. Hurray? I'm not sure. They feel like a bad ten pounds. I haven't eaten much, really at all in the last week. I've been living off of Diet Vanilla Coke and Aberfoyle Springs water. And I ate at Taco Villa once...
And so I go to the bus stop. My father drops me off. The bus is late. It's raining. I sit in the mini van with him (unfortunately). He starts talking. I don't listen. He starts to cry. I don't care. The bus comes. I go to school.
I show up late for my first english tutorial of the year. Furthermore, I didn't read the book. Why? Because I couldn't buy the book. The book was not in the school bookstore. I listen to the class talk about "Hiroshima" without the foggiest idea of what happened. "So they bombed the Japanese?" I thought. Throughout the class I just doodled, working on the basic design of what my future cartoon characters will look like. After awhile I started looking at this girl in my class. She wasn't pretty or anything. Her shirt just sort of kept me guessing throughout the hour tutorial. She had a t-shirt and over top of it a hoodie. Part of her shirt read "To Sleep". The word before these was covered by her hoodie and I kept guessing what started the sentence. My immediate thought was "Dream To Sleep". It actually read "Time To Sleep." Very disappointing.
I then went to Women and the Law class. Earlier this week I was asked why I took the class and responded "Well, I like women, but I love the law." Today, my TA kept going on about same sex marriage and said the following words "Manly dyke" and "Lipstick lesbian". This immediately had me thinking of the following joke from Chasing Amy:
It was 2:27 when my class ended. My manly dyke of a TA kept going on. My bus left at 2:30 so I raced to the bus stop. I ran my hardest, through and over puddles, cutting through people, all the while dragging my heavy Jansport backpack. I made it to the bus stop. I was third in line when the bus driver closed the doors. It was full. I hard to wait and other half hour for the next bus. And when I finally got to the bus station in my area, no one could pick me up. So for the first time in my life, I had to take a public bus. It smelled like pee.BANKY V.O.
And dead in the center, is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now at the end of each of the streets, are four people, okay? You following? Up here, we got a male-affectionate, easy-to-get-along-with, no political agenda lesbian. Okay? Now down here, we have a man-hating, angry-as-fuck, agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke. To this side, we got Santa Claus, right? And over to this side - the Easter Bunny.
Banky finishes drawing. Holden's shaking his head
BANKY
Which one's going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
HOLDEN
What is this supposed to prove?
BANKY
I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an S.A.T. question. Which one's going to get to the hundred dollar bill first - the male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny?
HOLDEN
(beat; then pissed)
The man-hating dyke.
BANKY
Good. Why?
HOLDEN
I don't know.
BANKY
(wildly crossing out the other three)
BECAUSE THESE OTHER THREE ARE FIGMENTS OF YOUR FUCKING IMAGINATION!
I have more to say, but my day just sucked. I'm tired. But I did call someone special to me. It sort of brightened my whole week... in spite her having nothing good to say, she being in tremendous pain, I still just love hearing her voice. Yes, the voice gets to me every time.
Friday, September 19, 2003
She Reminds Me Of Val
It's really cold and wet right now. I'm freezing. Knowing the way my immune system is, I'm probably going to die from this. Well, not die. But I'm probably going to get really really sick to the point where I'm a breath or two away from dying and then I make a miraculous recovery... unfortunately.
I just took this test about my name... stolen from one of the many great blogs located on the right. I don't like to reveal my name on the site so I thought that I'd just share the results:
I just came back from my first "Contemporary Literature" tutorial. It seems nice. It's what I actually wanted from my tutorial last year. Last year was pretty much made of the teacher talking and myself thinking of other things. Today, the class actually discussed things and it was actually somewhat interesting. But too many people think they are funny... I hate that. But my TA seems nice. She really reminds me of Jennie Garth's character on What I Like About You.
I'm really in the mood to do anything at the same time I don't have the time at same time I'm too lazy at the same time I just don't care. I don't know. Can someone invent the vacine for boredom that will not cost me an arm and a leg.
It's really cold and wet right now. I'm freezing. Knowing the way my immune system is, I'm probably going to die from this. Well, not die. But I'm probably going to get really really sick to the point where I'm a breath or two away from dying and then I make a miraculous recovery... unfortunately.
I just took this test about my name... stolen from one of the many great blogs located on the right. I don't like to reveal my name on the site so I thought that I'd just share the results:
XXXI think everything except the buffalo's breath is true (and I really hope that the Buffalo's breath thing is not true).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the Mesopotamian root meaning "Swamp"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Expression
XXX knows more about nothing than anybody.
Personality
XXX is cruel and compassionless in positions of power.
Natural
XXX is naive.
Emotional
XXX hates happy people.
Character
XXX tends to get others down.
Physical
XXX has breath that could drop buffalo.
Mental
XXX isn't rowing with both oars.
Motivation
XXX hates dealing with the details.
I just came back from my first "Contemporary Literature" tutorial. It seems nice. It's what I actually wanted from my tutorial last year. Last year was pretty much made of the teacher talking and myself thinking of other things. Today, the class actually discussed things and it was actually somewhat interesting. But too many people think they are funny... I hate that. But my TA seems nice. She really reminds me of Jennie Garth's character on What I Like About You.
I'm really in the mood to do anything at the same time I don't have the time at same time I'm too lazy at the same time I just don't care. I don't know. Can someone invent the vacine for boredom that will not cost me an arm and a leg.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
The Last
I really hate poetry now. I don't know why. Idea of it in this day and age just seems fruitless. I'll write something now, and I will try to make it my last.
I really hate poetry now. I don't know why. Idea of it in this day and age just seems fruitless. I'll write something now, and I will try to make it my last.
I know this is paranoia
My feelings are made of mush
But it's you that makes me feel them
And I'm always running back
And you always run away
I knock upon the door
You pretend that you're not home
Your whispers saying "Quiet down"
I'll say, "It's just phase.
You just need some time away.
From the life you want with me.
A life that we can share
And hold
And cherish."
Sometimes you're running towards me
And I run right towards you
But we're often off the line
We're always running out of time
You pushed me away once
And I pushed you back
Into someone else's arms
He can hold you so much closer
In his arms
Than I ever could
Only in his arms
Always in my heart
I see you in my dreams
I know that it's still love
I hope that you still hear
The way that my heart
Beats...
Skips...
Pauses...
(A beat)
Everytime I turn around
I swear that you're right behind me
Sighing...
Seeing...
Leaving...
But it's just my imagination
My world of imagination
My mind in reality
My reality is mine
And so the lights are dim
But I see that they still shine
Though you're there with him
I know that you're still mine
And I am yours
We are what we are
Forever in Fall
Jecho Fucking Christ
Everyday I wish death upon my father. That maybe a cryptic and psycho thing to say, but to me it's fully rational and thought out. I don't plan on killing him or poisoning him or smothering him with a pillow in his sleep. I've made a decision today. I will never ask or tell them another thing ever again. I'm just going to lie. It just makes it easier on me. If I lie, say I'm going somewhere else, go where I need, and they don't know where I went, then that will just make my life a lot easier.
I really need to get out of here. I have no money. I have no where else to go. It's times like now I wonder why I didn't just let the place burn. Because I take more shit than a professional dog walker (clever). I used to think that everyone hated their parents, so that's why I didn't hate mine. That may sound stupid, but it made sense to me. I just sort of rationalized it into thinking "Everyone hates their parents so maybe I should cut mine some slack." So I did. And it wasn't until recently that I realized that I have every right to hate them. What kind of parents don't give their kids birthday gifts? Christmas gifts? On my last birthday, my uncle, who really is a dead-beat dad (jobless for 10+ years), laughed when my mother said "I got him a case a Vanilla Coke."
I just think it's pretty sad when people don't have a clue... myself being one of them.
Everyday I wish death upon my father. That maybe a cryptic and psycho thing to say, but to me it's fully rational and thought out. I don't plan on killing him or poisoning him or smothering him with a pillow in his sleep. I've made a decision today. I will never ask or tell them another thing ever again. I'm just going to lie. It just makes it easier on me. If I lie, say I'm going somewhere else, go where I need, and they don't know where I went, then that will just make my life a lot easier.
I really need to get out of here. I have no money. I have no where else to go. It's times like now I wonder why I didn't just let the place burn. Because I take more shit than a professional dog walker (clever). I used to think that everyone hated their parents, so that's why I didn't hate mine. That may sound stupid, but it made sense to me. I just sort of rationalized it into thinking "Everyone hates their parents so maybe I should cut mine some slack." So I did. And it wasn't until recently that I realized that I have every right to hate them. What kind of parents don't give their kids birthday gifts? Christmas gifts? On my last birthday, my uncle, who really is a dead-beat dad (jobless for 10+ years), laughed when my mother said "I got him a case a Vanilla Coke."
I just think it's pretty sad when people don't have a clue... myself being one of them.
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
When Shit Turns to Fuck
A dificult situation I believe has just gotten harder today. Why? Because somebody up there hates me. One day under a year ago, she came back into my life. And today, she's gone... in some respect. Our friendship started as something innocent and sweet. But then became something extremely passionate and loving. And then something hidden and difficult. And now something even more difficult. But throughout all of this, it's been the most important thing in my life.
Words can never solely express what I think of her, so you must read the lyrics here, and if you have the time download "Only Of You" by Green Day off of one of the many filesharing programs around the internet.
But aside from that, other things suck as well. One being the limited releasing of "American Slendour". I became quite excited about this film after recomendations from Ebert, Roeper, and Lauren. And the subject matter of the film seems to be something I'm really getting interested in. Should I reveal my master plan. I'll do it in screenplay format:
I don't think there really is a major audience for flash cartooons yet. homestarrunner.com has a pretty good fanbase I believe. Teen Girl Squad is quite popular with the geek and nerd alike. So I don't know. Either I'm wasting my time with this idea or it could be something brilliant. The fact is, it's a pretty unique idea. The working title was "My Name Is Jonas" - yes, like the ever so popular Weezer song, but I don't think that it's going to stick. But since I'm such a big Amanda Bynes fan (What I Like About You, What A Girl Wants) the title is definitely going to be song related. Most films seem to have music made for them, and hardly ever do you see films where the music and scene are made for one another... unless it's a Cameron Crowe film (In your eyes).
Well, I guess I can't sit around my computer anymore hoping to get an e-mail. Now, I must work on this cartoon. I'm really not much an artist. Frankly, I'm not an artist at all. I can't draw at all. But stick people (a la explodingdog.com I feel evoke just as much emotion as anything Disney has turned out in quite awhile.
I can keep ranting... I've lost a little piece of my best-friend today, but patience is the only thing I can have right now.
The first time I got a glimpse of you
Then all my thoughts were only of you
A dificult situation I believe has just gotten harder today. Why? Because somebody up there hates me. One day under a year ago, she came back into my life. And today, she's gone... in some respect. Our friendship started as something innocent and sweet. But then became something extremely passionate and loving. And then something hidden and difficult. And now something even more difficult. But throughout all of this, it's been the most important thing in my life.
Words can never solely express what I think of her, so you must read the lyrics here, and if you have the time download "Only Of You" by Green Day off of one of the many filesharing programs around the internet.
But aside from that, other things suck as well. One being the limited releasing of "American Slendour". I became quite excited about this film after recomendations from Ebert, Roeper, and Lauren. And the subject matter of the film seems to be something I'm really getting interested in. Should I reveal my master plan. I'll do it in screenplay format:
Boy and girl are in a dingy and dark backroom of a store.
Boy I'm thinking of making a full length feature flash cartoon.Girl Who the hell would want to watch that?
I don't think there really is a major audience for flash cartooons yet. homestarrunner.com has a pretty good fanbase I believe. Teen Girl Squad is quite popular with the geek and nerd alike. So I don't know. Either I'm wasting my time with this idea or it could be something brilliant. The fact is, it's a pretty unique idea. The working title was "My Name Is Jonas" - yes, like the ever so popular Weezer song, but I don't think that it's going to stick. But since I'm such a big Amanda Bynes fan (What I Like About You, What A Girl Wants) the title is definitely going to be song related. Most films seem to have music made for them, and hardly ever do you see films where the music and scene are made for one another... unless it's a Cameron Crowe film (In your eyes).
Well, I guess I can't sit around my computer anymore hoping to get an e-mail. Now, I must work on this cartoon. I'm really not much an artist. Frankly, I'm not an artist at all. I can't draw at all. But stick people (a la explodingdog.com I feel evoke just as much emotion as anything Disney has turned out in quite awhile.
I can keep ranting... I've lost a little piece of my best-friend today, but patience is the only thing I can have right now.
The first time I got a glimpse of you
Then all my thoughts were only of you
Junk Mail
Listen you, I really hate junk mail. What kind of person is going to sign up for something that comes annonymously through an e-mail? Seriously? If a friend recomends something then maybe, but completely out the blue from someone you don't know?
- I don't have hot flashes.
- I do not have a mortage to pay.
- I do not suffer from a small penis.
- I do not need a larger bust.
- I do not own a septic tank.
- I am not interested in joining a Christian dating Service.
Does anyone sign up for anything sent in their e-mail? I would never. Well... I did sign up from a pop up once. Classmates.com. Damn poetic justice.
Listen you, I really hate junk mail. What kind of person is going to sign up for something that comes annonymously through an e-mail? Seriously? If a friend recomends something then maybe, but completely out the blue from someone you don't know?
- I don't have hot flashes.
- I do not have a mortage to pay.
- I do not suffer from a small penis.
- I do not need a larger bust.
- I do not own a septic tank.
- I am not interested in joining a Christian dating Service.
Does anyone sign up for anything sent in their e-mail? I would never. Well... I did sign up from a pop up once. Classmates.com. Damn poetic justice.
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Me
I over react. I'm over sensitive. I admit to being these things. I've never been good with my emotions. Either I'm happy with a slight smile but still paranoid about something or pist off with a slight smile and paranoid about something else. Honestly, I had never cared about someone before like I cared about "This Girl". I never have and no one comes close. I once heard that the people that make you cry are usually the ones that make you smile. And she's made me do either one more than anyone else (except maybe Family Guy, nothing makes me smile like Stewie singing
Rocket Man" by Elton John).
Maybe I should try to become more passionate about other things and other people. But then maybe I'd become a complete wreck worrying even more than usual? I don't know. It's not easy being me. Quite frankly, it sucks. Why? Because I care too much and not enough at the same time. I love and hate, but do not like. I'm all alone and lonely. I'm lost and lazy. I'm fat and ugly. I'm blind and boney. I'm finished with this post.
I over react. I'm over sensitive. I admit to being these things. I've never been good with my emotions. Either I'm happy with a slight smile but still paranoid about something or pist off with a slight smile and paranoid about something else. Honestly, I had never cared about someone before like I cared about "This Girl". I never have and no one comes close. I once heard that the people that make you cry are usually the ones that make you smile. And she's made me do either one more than anyone else (except maybe Family Guy, nothing makes me smile like Stewie singing
Rocket Man" by Elton John).
Maybe I should try to become more passionate about other things and other people. But then maybe I'd become a complete wreck worrying even more than usual? I don't know. It's not easy being me. Quite frankly, it sucks. Why? Because I care too much and not enough at the same time. I love and hate, but do not like. I'm all alone and lonely. I'm lost and lazy. I'm fat and ugly. I'm blind and boney. I'm finished with this post.
Monday, September 15, 2003
She Lies To Me
She lies to me. Lies to me. I don't want to know what she really sees.
I hadn't heard that song in years and saw it's video this morning.
I have a new favourite website. It's called Explodingdog.com. I could probably name every piece of art that I've ever liked - various Pollock, a few Christo, that picture of a girl and guy at my friend's apartment - but this site, for some reason, it's just really beautiful to me. It's so simplistic, but sophisticated, and aslo child-like. This is one of my favourites.
She lies to me. Lies to me. I don't want to know what she really sees.
I hadn't heard that song in years and saw it's video this morning.
I have a new favourite website. It's called Explodingdog.com. I could probably name every piece of art that I've ever liked - various Pollock, a few Christo, that picture of a girl and guy at my friend's apartment - but this site, for some reason, it's just really beautiful to me. It's so simplistic, but sophisticated, and aslo child-like. This is one of my favourites.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
It's A Start
I started writing my screenplay today. Tell me what you think.
I started writing my screenplay today. Tell me what you think.
(As My Name Is Jonas winds down)
EXT – WORLD
EXT – NORTH AMERICA
EXT – TORONTO
(Song Ends)
Ext – APARTMENT BULIDING - DAY
INT – ROOM – DAY
A boy is sound asleep in bed and underneath the covers. His alarm clock hits “11:07” and “Church On Sunday” by Green Day begins to play – “Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. Tomorrow is too late to pretend everything’s alright.” Boy jumps up alert and turns off his alarm.
Jonas
(Voice Over)
Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. No matter how cliché, overused or line-ish that statement may be or sound, it is a statement that cannot be proven wrong… even if Kevin Spacey dies at the end of American Beauty. The day you die may be the last day of the rest of your life, but it is also the first. I’ve lived my entire life with that phrase ringing in my ears, but it seldomly occurs to me how true it is. The day a loved one dies, your first day of high school, the first time you kiss a girl, when you’re favourite television show jumps the shark… These are the moments that you realize that you will never be the same and that the rest of you life has changed.
Jonas begins his daily routine.
Jonas
(Voice Over)
The day started off just like any other would. I woke up at 11:07, well just a bit after 11:07 because of the dilemma of having to answer the question of “What do I do with the morning wood?” I got out of bed, turned on The Price is Right, and did my morning routine as Bob Barker explained how play the “Cheque Game” for the millionth time. I went to the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth, showered, made breakfast, checked my e-mail… It seemed just like every day before it for the last year. But what made it like it was the first day of the rest of my life was the fact that I was now a University graduate. Yes, after four years and over $20,000 dollars of tuition fees, I now had a bachelor’s degree in English. I still have no clue to the difference between an adjective and a pronoun, but my little piece of paper says that between you and me, I’m the best in English… the better in English. In all honesty, I only learned three things in school – 1) My social security number - 210 223 9984, 2) Kraft Macaroni and Cheese can be eaten as any meal of the day, and 3) Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, a, b, select, start, gives you 99 lives in Contra… my sophomore roommate brought his Nintendo.
Little Things
I bite my nails.
I listen to rado extremely loud in the car.
I have dandruff.
I hate denim.
I tune my guitars down half a step.
I like carpeted floors.
I put my wallet in my right side pocket, not the back.
I cannot sleep without a comforter, even in summer.
I often wonder if anyone cares.
I bite my nails.
I listen to rado extremely loud in the car.
I have dandruff.
I hate denim.
I tune my guitars down half a step.
I like carpeted floors.
I put my wallet in my right side pocket, not the back.
I cannot sleep without a comforter, even in summer.
I often wonder if anyone cares.
Orginality And Me
I don't think anyone on this earth can claim to be an original. It's just not possible. We take too much influence and love / hate things so much that they become apart of us. I'm not saying that we're not original at all, but we borrow and are influenced too much to claim to be "original". It's like I write a song and you can hear glimpses of Weezer or MTX or Green Day... but at the heart of it's me.
I broke my internet line today. I feel like such a moron. About a year ago, I bought this bridge which is also known as a laptop. It being something suitable for travel, I tend to carry it around to different places. So I was going to bring it dowstairs and watch "Ghost World" on my TV (my laptop has an out to the TV). There's a few cables coming out of my computer. One being the battery, the other being the internet line. The battery line, you pull out. The Internet line, you have to press out. Me being a moron, I just pulled out the internet line. What makes me even more of a moron is that I did the exact same thing about a year ago to the other end so now both ends are screwed up. I am currently on my brother's computer.
I had a glimpse of inspiration today. Going to write a screenplay (sort of). Hoping to become the next Joe Nussbaum. No one has a clue to what I'm talking about, but it's okay.
I don't think anyone on this earth can claim to be an original. It's just not possible. We take too much influence and love / hate things so much that they become apart of us. I'm not saying that we're not original at all, but we borrow and are influenced too much to claim to be "original". It's like I write a song and you can hear glimpses of Weezer or MTX or Green Day... but at the heart of it's me.
I broke my internet line today. I feel like such a moron. About a year ago, I bought this bridge which is also known as a laptop. It being something suitable for travel, I tend to carry it around to different places. So I was going to bring it dowstairs and watch "Ghost World" on my TV (my laptop has an out to the TV). There's a few cables coming out of my computer. One being the battery, the other being the internet line. The battery line, you pull out. The Internet line, you have to press out. Me being a moron, I just pulled out the internet line. What makes me even more of a moron is that I did the exact same thing about a year ago to the other end so now both ends are screwed up. I am currently on my brother's computer.
I had a glimpse of inspiration today. Going to write a screenplay (sort of). Hoping to become the next Joe Nussbaum. No one has a clue to what I'm talking about, but it's okay.
Friday, September 12, 2003
Ewwwwwww
As you may or may not know, my favourite sitcom on TV is (might be was in a few more months) "What I Like About You" starring the delightful Amanda Bynes. So, me being the flamer/nerd that I am, checked the show out on IMDB.com because I wanted to see if the Jeff character was taken off the show. He was. This is were it gets weird. Jeff was played by Simon Rex, former MTV VJ and star of "Jack & Jill". At the top of each bio they have a little bit of trivia on most actors and his said "Starred in porn before entering the main stream". That... it's just gross and shocking and appauling. Jeff? A porn actor? It's like finding out that Big Bird deals crack.
As you may or may not know, my favourite sitcom on TV is (might be was in a few more months) "What I Like About You" starring the delightful Amanda Bynes. So, me being the flamer/nerd that I am, checked the show out on IMDB.com because I wanted to see if the Jeff character was taken off the show. He was. This is were it gets weird. Jeff was played by Simon Rex, former MTV VJ and star of "Jack & Jill". At the top of each bio they have a little bit of trivia on most actors and his said "Starred in porn before entering the main stream". That... it's just gross and shocking and appauling. Jeff? A porn actor? It's like finding out that Big Bird deals crack.
Writing
I was in a bit of rut songwriting wise. I wrote a pretty good song. My Rentals-esque period seems to be done. It's a bit Blue-albumish. I've really been liking the basslines on blue lately. Of course the basslines... Matt rules! Screw Mikey and his previous work with Juliana Hatfield or Scott and his previous work with Vanilla Ice, the band just isn't right without Matt. There I said it. The other day I was thinking "How weird would it be without Brian's vocals?" And then I thought, "Just as weird without Matt's." Tell me Green wouldn't be much better with Matt?
To someone out there... I miss you. I hope next week will be better than this for this week has sucked ass.
Speaking of sucking ass, I just read about this thing on someone else's site, quite a good blog by the way. It's like you write a book in November just to get it out there and over with. I'm thinking about doing it too. The process of writing novels and poetry seems useless to me lately. I don't about useless, but... I don't know... not for me. Any Chasing Amy fans out there? Well, there's this scene between Holden and Alyssa where they talk about their careers, both are comic book artists. Holden writes "Bluntman and Chronic", a book that's subject matter is pretty much dick and fart jokes. She writes "Idiosycratic routine", a sweet, romantic and cute book. His book sells well while hers does not. Why? Because the target audience for comic books are "Overwieght/underwieght guys that don't get laid". I feel like if I were to write another book (yes, another), the words and story that make would be at the wrong people. If it's good or not, it doesn't matter because I know that my story and my sense of humor and phrasing isn't aimed at the reading crowd. My style of writing is aimed at the blogger community. The dorky / geek chic kids who would rather be at their computers than mingle at a bar. The funny and cute, but not quite artsy, but not quite low brow and jocky.
If I could only get paid to blog? But that brings me back to writing in the first place. I shouldn't have to think when I write. I should just do it and get it over with. That's why I'm kind of interested in that writing concert. One thing I've picked up over the year is something from the band "The Hives". I'm not a big fan, Mic Jagger Jr. being their frontman. They hosted "The Wedge" on Much Music a few... maybe a year ago, and throughout their interview they just kept stating "We're the band we'd want to see." I think that's what we as... oh, I'll say it... "artists". I think that's what you have to do. That's why I've been on this power-pop, Rentals, Weezer, MTX sounding music tip lately. And the fact is, I don't think there is much that could get me interested in reading a book. It's so long and time consuming. I seriously have not read a book in three years, the last being "The Pornographer's Poem" by Michael Turner. What would make me want to read a book? The truth is, if it's any good they'll make a movie out of it. That's a lie... just to me personally, I'd rather not read.
Anyways... If I had the artistic ablity, I think I would make graphic novels. I think they are quite an interesting form of art. By the way, I read Ghost World in my contemporary lit class. Very nice. This has been long-winded... the exact reason most books don't interest me. Good night to you all and Merry Christmas.
I was in a bit of rut songwriting wise. I wrote a pretty good song. My Rentals-esque period seems to be done. It's a bit Blue-albumish. I've really been liking the basslines on blue lately. Of course the basslines... Matt rules! Screw Mikey and his previous work with Juliana Hatfield or Scott and his previous work with Vanilla Ice, the band just isn't right without Matt. There I said it. The other day I was thinking "How weird would it be without Brian's vocals?" And then I thought, "Just as weird without Matt's." Tell me Green wouldn't be much better with Matt?
To someone out there... I miss you. I hope next week will be better than this for this week has sucked ass.
Speaking of sucking ass, I just read about this thing on someone else's site, quite a good blog by the way. It's like you write a book in November just to get it out there and over with. I'm thinking about doing it too. The process of writing novels and poetry seems useless to me lately. I don't about useless, but... I don't know... not for me. Any Chasing Amy fans out there? Well, there's this scene between Holden and Alyssa where they talk about their careers, both are comic book artists. Holden writes "Bluntman and Chronic", a book that's subject matter is pretty much dick and fart jokes. She writes "Idiosycratic routine", a sweet, romantic and cute book. His book sells well while hers does not. Why? Because the target audience for comic books are "Overwieght/underwieght guys that don't get laid". I feel like if I were to write another book (yes, another), the words and story that make would be at the wrong people. If it's good or not, it doesn't matter because I know that my story and my sense of humor and phrasing isn't aimed at the reading crowd. My style of writing is aimed at the blogger community. The dorky / geek chic kids who would rather be at their computers than mingle at a bar. The funny and cute, but not quite artsy, but not quite low brow and jocky.
If I could only get paid to blog? But that brings me back to writing in the first place. I shouldn't have to think when I write. I should just do it and get it over with. That's why I'm kind of interested in that writing concert. One thing I've picked up over the year is something from the band "The Hives". I'm not a big fan, Mic Jagger Jr. being their frontman. They hosted "The Wedge" on Much Music a few... maybe a year ago, and throughout their interview they just kept stating "We're the band we'd want to see." I think that's what we as... oh, I'll say it... "artists". I think that's what you have to do. That's why I've been on this power-pop, Rentals, Weezer, MTX sounding music tip lately. And the fact is, I don't think there is much that could get me interested in reading a book. It's so long and time consuming. I seriously have not read a book in three years, the last being "The Pornographer's Poem" by Michael Turner. What would make me want to read a book? The truth is, if it's any good they'll make a movie out of it. That's a lie... just to me personally, I'd rather not read.
Anyways... If I had the artistic ablity, I think I would make graphic novels. I think they are quite an interesting form of art. By the way, I read Ghost World in my contemporary lit class. Very nice. This has been long-winded... the exact reason most books don't interest me. Good night to you all and Merry Christmas.
Plop
I watched four hours of television tonight. Here are the highlights:
1) Why doesn't Kurt Angle grow his hair back?
2) What I Like About You has "re-tooled".
3) Why on earth did the singer from Simple Plan go blond?
4) Bert McCraken is a handsome man.
5) Joey Lawerence looks quite odd now.
6) I'm going to miss having Friends on at 8 o' clock on Thursdays.
7) That's a cool bass line.
During my boredom I made a cool bassline.
I watched four hours of television tonight. Here are the highlights:
1) Why doesn't Kurt Angle grow his hair back?
2) What I Like About You has "re-tooled".
3) Why on earth did the singer from Simple Plan go blond?
4) Bert McCraken is a handsome man.
5) Joey Lawerence looks quite odd now.
6) I'm going to miss having Friends on at 8 o' clock on Thursdays.
7) That's a cool bass line.
During my boredom I made a cool bassline.
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Everyone Else Is Doing It
Well, it's September 11 today. Two years after that day that should have changed the world. Did it really? Well, what day doesn't change the world. But this was supposed to make a lasting impact on the world for years to come. But it often doesn't seem that way. Airport security is somewhat beefed. Two Wrestlemanias ago a security guard felt my crotch a little before going into Skydome. And it now takes a bit longer to cross the border. But has all that much changed? I don't think so. It's as if that day of helpless and vulnerablity didn't leave as much of an impact as it should have. It's like as a whole, our lives are back to commercialism and watching TV and owning expensive things. Perhaps Paul McCartney and Corky were right? Life Goes On...
Well, it's September 11 today. Two years after that day that should have changed the world. Did it really? Well, what day doesn't change the world. But this was supposed to make a lasting impact on the world for years to come. But it often doesn't seem that way. Airport security is somewhat beefed. Two Wrestlemanias ago a security guard felt my crotch a little before going into Skydome. And it now takes a bit longer to cross the border. But has all that much changed? I don't think so. It's as if that day of helpless and vulnerablity didn't leave as much of an impact as it should have. It's like as a whole, our lives are back to commercialism and watching TV and owning expensive things. Perhaps Paul McCartney and Corky were right? Life Goes On...
Shit
I'm really hating this week. It's not even school that bothers me. Sure, it's sucking up my time, but... I don't even want to get into it. All I want to do is talk to my best-friend. It's that simple.
I'm really hating this week. It's not even school that bothers me. Sure, it's sucking up my time, but... I don't even want to get into it. All I want to do is talk to my best-friend. It's that simple.
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
How I Miss You
Everything's all jacked up. I really miss you. I'm on my last nerves. I can't check my mail. I've posted here three times, each one is lost. Won't you fucking post! I miss you.
Everything's all jacked up. I really miss you. I'm on my last nerves. I can't check my mail. I've posted here three times, each one is lost. Won't you fucking post! I miss you.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Things Unfold
This is that time of year where you'd think I'd complain about stuff, but I'm going to do that. I'm not going to complain about going back to school or worry about the rest of my life. I don't feel like it. I don't have the energy. Instead I shall talk about other things.
I give myself a year. This day, September 9, 2003, is a bench mark for me. In year from now, in exactly one year, I will have something right in my life. I'm not sure what it is yet, but I'm giving myself a year from this day to make myself proud. I don't know what it will be just yet. Maybe write another book. Maybe record that album. Maybe find myself a carreer. I don't know what it is yet, but I'm giving myself a deadline. Most people say "by the time I turn 27" or some other random age. But I'm giving myself a year.
In other news, I'm going to take a little break from the daily blog. I'm going to take some time to settle into school and working on some other pages so unless I have some life shaking news, I will not be posting for the next couple of days.
Be good while I'm gone.
This is that time of year where you'd think I'd complain about stuff, but I'm going to do that. I'm not going to complain about going back to school or worry about the rest of my life. I don't feel like it. I don't have the energy. Instead I shall talk about other things.
I give myself a year. This day, September 9, 2003, is a bench mark for me. In year from now, in exactly one year, I will have something right in my life. I'm not sure what it is yet, but I'm giving myself a year from this day to make myself proud. I don't know what it will be just yet. Maybe write another book. Maybe record that album. Maybe find myself a carreer. I don't know what it is yet, but I'm giving myself a deadline. Most people say "by the time I turn 27" or some other random age. But I'm giving myself a year.
In other news, I'm going to take a little break from the daily blog. I'm going to take some time to settle into school and working on some other pages so unless I have some life shaking news, I will not be posting for the next couple of days.
Be good while I'm gone.
Head Of The Class
I used to love that show head of the class starring Dr. Johnny Fever and Mike Tyson's future wife. It was great.
Well, I'm back at school. I've really had it with this place already. It's not really the classes and stuff. It's just all of these line-ups. I waited for over two hours last week just to fill out my address and name on a form. Today, I waited just about an hour to show someone my social insurance card and driver's license. And tomorrow I'll probably have to wait all day just to get both of those forms finalized. Why can't this be easier? Isn't this the computer age where paper doesn't exist anymore? Sons of bitches.
I used to love that show head of the class starring Dr. Johnny Fever and Mike Tyson's future wife. It was great.
Well, I'm back at school. I've really had it with this place already. It's not really the classes and stuff. It's just all of these line-ups. I waited for over two hours last week just to fill out my address and name on a form. Today, I waited just about an hour to show someone my social insurance card and driver's license. And tomorrow I'll probably have to wait all day just to get both of those forms finalized. Why can't this be easier? Isn't this the computer age where paper doesn't exist anymore? Sons of bitches.
Monday, September 08, 2003
The Look Of Love
There are some moments that will forever be stuck in your memory. Examples - I'll never forget my first time in the emergency room. I got into a fight with a kid at my grandparent's apartment, Bobby was his name. We were fighting and, Bobby being around five years older than me, threw me into this huge rock. It was the size of something out of Roadrunner. I hit my head, blood everywhere, and I was later taken to hospital. I remember seeing all of these sick and hurt people. I think it was the first time I was exposed to anything like that.
I also remember my first day of school. Kindergarten, 5 years old. I remember going into class, not knowing anyone, and arriving late. I walk in and everyone is looking at me. Much like I am today, I'm really shy. I remember the way the desks were set up and the teacher's chair and the window behind her.
A few days ago I watched a special on Castration. There are something images I wish I could forget from that... anyways.
And then there's her. My OAC Philosophy teacher told my class that everyone can remember being born because it was such and important and life altering (or begining) event. I bet if I close my eyes tight enough and try real hard I can remember everything about our short time together. I can remember the butterflies in my stomach waiting for her. The pistoffness I felt over the weather. Her walking out of the gate with a back pack. Holding her for the first time and feeling her lips touch my right cheek. Yes, I remember the cheek. Us going up the escalator and her asking me where I went because I was behind her... yes, the truth comes out, I was checking you out and I was quite happy.
I could probably remember it all - visting my grandparents. Eating at Tim Horton's. Watching St. Elmo's Fire. Driving past my store. Kissing you before going to the Devil's advocate of stores "Shoppers Drug Mart". Watching you watch Maternity Ward. My first kiss. Resting my head on your stomach. You resting your head on my chest. Messaging you back. Passing ice. Watching the snow fall. Freezing on front street (hmm, perhaps that would be a better title than "Lauren's Apartment" for that song). Writing I Love You in the snow. Hugging you one last time. You waving to me on the other side of the counter. You watching me slip and slide through the snow as I walked to the gas station...
It was the happiest I ever felt. I know you're reading this so I'll just say it without wishy-washy statements saying "This Girl". I was at my happiest because of you. You, my best-friend. You, the person that saved me from my own depression. You, the most beautiful person I've ever known and happy to say ever met.
There are some moments that will forever be stuck in your memory. Examples - I'll never forget my first time in the emergency room. I got into a fight with a kid at my grandparent's apartment, Bobby was his name. We were fighting and, Bobby being around five years older than me, threw me into this huge rock. It was the size of something out of Roadrunner. I hit my head, blood everywhere, and I was later taken to hospital. I remember seeing all of these sick and hurt people. I think it was the first time I was exposed to anything like that.
I also remember my first day of school. Kindergarten, 5 years old. I remember going into class, not knowing anyone, and arriving late. I walk in and everyone is looking at me. Much like I am today, I'm really shy. I remember the way the desks were set up and the teacher's chair and the window behind her.
A few days ago I watched a special on Castration. There are something images I wish I could forget from that... anyways.
And then there's her. My OAC Philosophy teacher told my class that everyone can remember being born because it was such and important and life altering (or begining) event. I bet if I close my eyes tight enough and try real hard I can remember everything about our short time together. I can remember the butterflies in my stomach waiting for her. The pistoffness I felt over the weather. Her walking out of the gate with a back pack. Holding her for the first time and feeling her lips touch my right cheek. Yes, I remember the cheek. Us going up the escalator and her asking me where I went because I was behind her... yes, the truth comes out, I was checking you out and I was quite happy.
I could probably remember it all - visting my grandparents. Eating at Tim Horton's. Watching St. Elmo's Fire. Driving past my store. Kissing you before going to the Devil's advocate of stores "Shoppers Drug Mart". Watching you watch Maternity Ward. My first kiss. Resting my head on your stomach. You resting your head on my chest. Messaging you back. Passing ice. Watching the snow fall. Freezing on front street (hmm, perhaps that would be a better title than "Lauren's Apartment" for that song). Writing I Love You in the snow. Hugging you one last time. You waving to me on the other side of the counter. You watching me slip and slide through the snow as I walked to the gas station...
It was the happiest I ever felt. I know you're reading this so I'll just say it without wishy-washy statements saying "This Girl". I was at my happiest because of you. You, my best-friend. You, the person that saved me from my own depression. You, the most beautiful person I've ever known and happy to say ever met.
Oh you, it's always you
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Six Degress To Kevin Bacon
Kevin Bacon starred in A Few Good Men with Demi Moore. Demi Moore starred in St. Elmo's Fire with the coolest male brat packer of them all, Judd Nelson. Judd Nelson co-starred with one of the greatest actors of his generation, Shaquille O' Neal, in Steel. Shaquille O' Neal went to Lousiana State University and on more than one ocassion kicked the volleyball team out of the gym. On the volleyball team was a Robert Shmidt. Mr. Schmidt, after four years as an art major in the good ole' US of A, moved back to Canada and became my eighth grade teacher. And there are my six degress to Kevin Bacon. I suggest you all give this a shot.
Kevin Bacon starred in A Few Good Men with Demi Moore. Demi Moore starred in St. Elmo's Fire with the coolest male brat packer of them all, Judd Nelson. Judd Nelson co-starred with one of the greatest actors of his generation, Shaquille O' Neal, in Steel. Shaquille O' Neal went to Lousiana State University and on more than one ocassion kicked the volleyball team out of the gym. On the volleyball team was a Robert Shmidt. Mr. Schmidt, after four years as an art major in the good ole' US of A, moved back to Canada and became my eighth grade teacher. And there are my six degress to Kevin Bacon. I suggest you all give this a shot.
Huzzah!
Well, my computer is a piece of shit. Shit! Merde! Zut Alors! But I just made a VCD of Family Guy and now know how to put put movies on CD.
Well, my computer is a piece of shit. Shit! Merde! Zut Alors! But I just made a VCD of Family Guy and now know how to put put movies on CD.
No Four Part Barber Shop Harmonies
[ Current Clothes ] MTX shirt and biege PJ bottoms
[ Current Mood ] Umm... I'm doin' good.
[ Current Music ] Family Guy
[ Current Taste ] Listernine
[ Current Make-up ] I washed my face with Clean and Clear
[ Current Hair ] Messy
[ Current Annoyance ] Everything
[ Current Smell ] The Burning of my bridge
[ Current Desktop Picture ] A Racoon falling down the stairs.
[ Current Favorite Group ] The Rentals
[ Current Book you're reading ] Reading all of Kevin Smith's screen plays.
[ Current CD in CD Player] Seven More Minutes - The Rentals. Well, it's more of a CD Drive than a player.
[ Current DVD in player] Josie and the Pussycats
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] Umm... clear?
[ Current Refreshment ] Diet Vanilla Coke
[ Current Worry ] The rest of my life
LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] in what way? I try to avoid all human contact.
[ You Talked to ] My cousin
[ You Hugged ] I have no clue.
[ You Instant messaged ] No Clue
[ You Yelled At ] Cousin
FAVORITE...
[ Food ] Waffles
[ Drink ] Vanilla Coke
[ Color ] green
[ Album ] Pinkerong
[ Shoes ] Roots
[ Candy ] I dunno
[ Animal ] Cats?
[ TV Show ] What I Like About You
[ Movie ] reality bites
[ Dance ] Macarena?
[ Song ] Across The Sea - Weezer
[ Vegetable ] Brocolli
[ Fruit ] Mango
[ Cartoon ] Family Guy
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
[ Kill ] Jecho
[ Slap ] Jecho
[ Get Really Wasted With ] "I'm a waste like with nothing else to do. May I waste your time too?"
[ Get High With ] Afroman
[ Look Like ] Anyone but myself
[ Talk To Offline ] This Girl
[ Talk To Online ] Also this girl
[my name is]: not important
[in the morning I am]: tired
[all I need is]: A hand in mine to feel.
[love is]: Imperfection
[I’m afraid of]: Everything
[i dream about]: This girl I used to work with
-H A V E .Y O U. E V E R . .
[pictured your crush naked?]: yep... About every seven seconds
[actually seen ur crush naked]: yep
[been in love]: yep
[cried when someone died]: yes
[lied]: yes
-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[coke or pepsi]: coke
[flowers or candy]: candy
[tall or short]: short
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: face
[last person you slow danced with]: Marie in 8th grade
[worst question to ask]: How are you?
-W H O-
[makes u laugh the most?]: This girl
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: I don't even have to see her
[who do you have a crush on?]: No one.
[has a crush on you?]: Maybe
-D O. Y O U .E V E R-
[sit on the internet all night waiting for someone special to I.M. you?]: Yes
[save aol/aim conversations]: I have
[wish u were a member of the opposite sex]:for like an hour or something.
[cried because of someone saying something to you]: yes
-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: Yes
[been rejected]: nope
[rejected someone]: who could like me?
[used someone]: never
[done something you regret]: I don't regret the things I've done but those I didn't do
-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes]: Never
[obsessive]: much
[could you live without the computer?]: I suppose so.
[color your hair]: no
[ever get off the damn computer]: not really
[habla espanol]: qué
[drink alchohol?]: not really.
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: I don't watch anything that's not on the WB
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional
-N U M B E R-
of times i have had my heart broken? : it's hard to say
of hearts i have broken? : I dunno
of girls i have kissed? : one... sigh.
of continents i have lived in? : one
of tight friends? : I'm really not sure.
of cd's that i own? : 100+
of scars on my body? : There's this one on my chin... Rugby accident.
I KNOW: nothing
I WANT: you to want me
I HAVE: the funniest best-friend
I WISH: I was with her
I HATE: denim
I MISS: my love
I FEAR: everything
I HEAR: the voices in my head
I SEARCH: on google.ca
I WONDER: if Matt still talks to Rivers?
I LOVE: Her
I ACHE: because I have no medical.
I CARE: a bit too much.
I ALWAYS: slouch
I AM NOT: thin anymore
I DANCE: Awkwardly
I SING: When I Play guitar
I CRY: on my way to work
I DO NOT ALWAYS: make sense
I FIGHT: for my right to party
I WRITE: a lot
I WIN: never
I LOSE: always
I CONFUSE: everyone, it seems
I LISTEN: poorly
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: with a Powerpuff girl on my hip
I NEED: you to need me
I AM: bored
[ Current Clothes ] MTX shirt and biege PJ bottoms
[ Current Mood ] Umm... I'm doin' good.
[ Current Music ] Family Guy
[ Current Taste ] Listernine
[ Current Make-up ] I washed my face with Clean and Clear
[ Current Hair ] Messy
[ Current Annoyance ] Everything
[ Current Smell ] The Burning of my bridge
[ Current Desktop Picture ] A Racoon falling down the stairs.
[ Current Favorite Group ] The Rentals
[ Current Book you're reading ] Reading all of Kevin Smith's screen plays.
[ Current CD in CD Player] Seven More Minutes - The Rentals. Well, it's more of a CD Drive than a player.
[ Current DVD in player] Josie and the Pussycats
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] Umm... clear?
[ Current Refreshment ] Diet Vanilla Coke
[ Current Worry ] The rest of my life
LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] in what way? I try to avoid all human contact.
[ You Talked to ] My cousin
[ You Hugged ] I have no clue.
[ You Instant messaged ] No Clue
[ You Yelled At ] Cousin
FAVORITE...
[ Food ] Waffles
[ Drink ] Vanilla Coke
[ Color ] green
[ Album ] Pinkerong
[ Shoes ] Roots
[ Candy ] I dunno
[ Animal ] Cats?
[ TV Show ] What I Like About You
[ Movie ] reality bites
[ Dance ] Macarena?
[ Song ] Across The Sea - Weezer
[ Vegetable ] Brocolli
[ Fruit ] Mango
[ Cartoon ] Family Guy
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
[ Kill ] Jecho
[ Slap ] Jecho
[ Get Really Wasted With ] "I'm a waste like with nothing else to do. May I waste your time too?"
[ Get High With ] Afroman
[ Look Like ] Anyone but myself
[ Talk To Offline ] This Girl
[ Talk To Online ] Also this girl
[my name is]: not important
[in the morning I am]: tired
[all I need is]: A hand in mine to feel.
[love is]: Imperfection
[I’m afraid of]: Everything
[i dream about]: This girl I used to work with
-H A V E .Y O U. E V E R . .
[pictured your crush naked?]: yep... About every seven seconds
[actually seen ur crush naked]: yep
[been in love]: yep
[cried when someone died]: yes
[lied]: yes
-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[coke or pepsi]: coke
[flowers or candy]: candy
[tall or short]: short
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: face
[last person you slow danced with]: Marie in 8th grade
[worst question to ask]: How are you?
-W H O-
[makes u laugh the most?]: This girl
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: I don't even have to see her
[who do you have a crush on?]: No one.
[has a crush on you?]: Maybe
-D O. Y O U .E V E R-
[sit on the internet all night waiting for someone special to I.M. you?]: Yes
[save aol/aim conversations]: I have
[wish u were a member of the opposite sex]:for like an hour or something.
[cried because of someone saying something to you]: yes
-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: Yes
[been rejected]: nope
[rejected someone]: who could like me?
[used someone]: never
[done something you regret]: I don't regret the things I've done but those I didn't do
-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes]: Never
[obsessive]: much
[could you live without the computer?]: I suppose so.
[color your hair]: no
[ever get off the damn computer]: not really
[habla espanol]: qué
[drink alchohol?]: not really.
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: I don't watch anything that's not on the WB
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional
-N U M B E R-
of times i have had my heart broken? : it's hard to say
of hearts i have broken? : I dunno
of girls i have kissed? : one... sigh.
of continents i have lived in? : one
of tight friends? : I'm really not sure.
of cd's that i own? : 100+
of scars on my body? : There's this one on my chin... Rugby accident.
I KNOW: nothing
I WANT: you to want me
I HAVE: the funniest best-friend
I WISH: I was with her
I HATE: denim
I MISS: my love
I FEAR: everything
I HEAR: the voices in my head
I SEARCH: on google.ca
I WONDER: if Matt still talks to Rivers?
I LOVE: Her
I ACHE: because I have no medical.
I CARE: a bit too much.
I ALWAYS: slouch
I AM NOT: thin anymore
I DANCE: Awkwardly
I SING: When I Play guitar
I CRY: on my way to work
I DO NOT ALWAYS: make sense
I FIGHT: for my right to party
I WRITE: a lot
I WIN: never
I LOSE: always
I CONFUSE: everyone, it seems
I LISTEN: poorly
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: with a Powerpuff girl on my hip
I NEED: you to need me
I AM: bored
My Attempt At Masculinity
So I did my Maxim Magazine workout this morning while listening to System Of A Down. Yea, that's right. You wanna arm wrestle?
So I did my Maxim Magazine workout this morning while listening to System Of A Down. Yea, that's right. You wanna arm wrestle?
Thursday, September 04, 2003
I'm Tired (So Tired)
I had the longest day in the history of ever today. I woke up around 9 o'clock. I slept on the pull out bed downstairs last night, my bed feeling too hot and uncomfortable. The sound of my parents waking up and watching "Breakfast Television" woke me up. I got out of "sofa bed" and headed off to York University. I took the high this time instead of the side road as I did last week. I drove past things I hadn't driven past in many months. Late Decemember / Early January to be exact. Yea... I got a little sad.
I got at school around 12 and met up with a friend I hadn't seen all summer. The lucky bastard is working at UPS. Why is he a lucky bastard? Well, aside from all of the money he makes from working there ($9.50/hr), the company will apparently be paying for $3000 of his tuition. Well, him and I hung out and talked for awhile. I sat down in the hole he now calls home (residence, how I envy him), and then I waited in line to get student ID for taking the bus. Did I say waited? I mean W... A...I...T...E...D. How long? Over an hour and a half. I waited over an hour and a half to recieve and fill out a form that took me under a minute to fill out. Now, I have to go downtown to get the thing finalized.
So now I contemplate tomorrow. What should I do? I can either spend tomorrow, which is ultimately my last day of summer vacation, going downtown, finalizing my bus pass, wondering around Toronto (hopefully buy a new t-shirt) and possibly picking up my microphone. Or do I go to my cousin's house and talk to him about his first week of College and jam for awhile? Or do I just sit here and do nothing? I refuse that last one. Maybe I can do both?
In final news for the day... I saw a few people I met over the course of last year and one comment came from all - "Your hair is so long". At least they didn't call me fat.
I had the longest day in the history of ever today. I woke up around 9 o'clock. I slept on the pull out bed downstairs last night, my bed feeling too hot and uncomfortable. The sound of my parents waking up and watching "Breakfast Television" woke me up. I got out of "sofa bed" and headed off to York University. I took the high this time instead of the side road as I did last week. I drove past things I hadn't driven past in many months. Late Decemember / Early January to be exact. Yea... I got a little sad.
I got at school around 12 and met up with a friend I hadn't seen all summer. The lucky bastard is working at UPS. Why is he a lucky bastard? Well, aside from all of the money he makes from working there ($9.50/hr), the company will apparently be paying for $3000 of his tuition. Well, him and I hung out and talked for awhile. I sat down in the hole he now calls home (residence, how I envy him), and then I waited in line to get student ID for taking the bus. Did I say waited? I mean W... A...I...T...E...D. How long? Over an hour and a half. I waited over an hour and a half to recieve and fill out a form that took me under a minute to fill out. Now, I have to go downtown to get the thing finalized.
So now I contemplate tomorrow. What should I do? I can either spend tomorrow, which is ultimately my last day of summer vacation, going downtown, finalizing my bus pass, wondering around Toronto (hopefully buy a new t-shirt) and possibly picking up my microphone. Or do I go to my cousin's house and talk to him about his first week of College and jam for awhile? Or do I just sit here and do nothing? I refuse that last one. Maybe I can do both?
In final news for the day... I saw a few people I met over the course of last year and one comment came from all - "Your hair is so long". At least they didn't call me fat.
Tragic Kingdom
After almost tens years of mass production, I finally understood the meaning of No Doubt's break-through album.
I'm at home right now. It's one in the morning. I'm usually up at this hour sending e-mails back and forth to my best-friend... I'll say it, girlfriend. But she's out of town. As for now I'm alone this room of mine, the comforting glow of my laptop in my eyes and The Rentals' "Seven More Minutes" plays directly to my ears through my high end earphones.
My fingers hurt. In spite the invention of the nail cutter, I still bite my nails or just peel them. I can't even remember the last time I cut my finger nails with that modern age contraption. I never bit my nails as a form of grooming. I used to bite them and the skin around them out of nerves. Now I do it all of the time. I wonder if I just do it because it's just part of who I am now or because I'm nervous every moment of the day.
My hair is long. I haven't cut my hair since May 6. I remember the day fairly well because in a week from that very day I went to my friend's birthday party a complete mess. I smiled and noded at her friends feeling like complete shit. We had broken up that day. About a week ago we "got back together". During one of our night time e-mail sessions she asked "Am I ur girlfriend?" I wasn't sure what to say at first. She wasn't. But did I want her to be? Definitely. Without a doubt. I told her that she was the love of my life and she could be anything she wants to be to me. A friend, a girlfriend, a passer by on the street... anything she wanted. She chose girlfriend.
Being in a long distance relationship is a lot like being in a strip club - It gets hard. My Chasing Amy quote comes back again:
This is something I want. This is something I need. She is someone I love. She is my only love. At this point in my life, this age I'm at, everyone I know seems to have some sort of direction. Perhaps they're just as fucked up as I am except they hide it better, I don't know, but I've never had a dream, a goal, or ambition like I have to be with her. It may seem impossible, but for her I shall try.
She won't get to read this for a few days. By then, my nails won't hurt as much, my hair will be even longer (I can get it into my mouth without using my hands), and my love will grow even more. No one knows how much I love this person. Not even she does. I don't think I even do. But the truth is, I can't live without her. I wouldn't feel right without her again. It would leave this gigantic hole in my life. There's a whole in my life right now knowing that we won't talk for a few days. And only one person can spackle that whole aside from Debbie Travis and Martha Stewart.
I miss her...
Welcome to the tragic kingdom. Cornfields of popcorn have yet to spring open
After almost tens years of mass production, I finally understood the meaning of No Doubt's break-through album.
I'm at home right now. It's one in the morning. I'm usually up at this hour sending e-mails back and forth to my best-friend... I'll say it, girlfriend. But she's out of town. As for now I'm alone this room of mine, the comforting glow of my laptop in my eyes and The Rentals' "Seven More Minutes" plays directly to my ears through my high end earphones.
My fingers hurt. In spite the invention of the nail cutter, I still bite my nails or just peel them. I can't even remember the last time I cut my finger nails with that modern age contraption. I never bit my nails as a form of grooming. I used to bite them and the skin around them out of nerves. Now I do it all of the time. I wonder if I just do it because it's just part of who I am now or because I'm nervous every moment of the day.
My hair is long. I haven't cut my hair since May 6. I remember the day fairly well because in a week from that very day I went to my friend's birthday party a complete mess. I smiled and noded at her friends feeling like complete shit. We had broken up that day. About a week ago we "got back together". During one of our night time e-mail sessions she asked "Am I ur girlfriend?" I wasn't sure what to say at first. She wasn't. But did I want her to be? Definitely. Without a doubt. I told her that she was the love of my life and she could be anything she wants to be to me. A friend, a girlfriend, a passer by on the street... anything she wanted. She chose girlfriend.
Being in a long distance relationship is a lot like being in a strip club - It gets hard. My Chasing Amy quote comes back again:
ALYSSA:
I've given that a lot of thought, you know? I mean, now that I'm being ostracized by my friends, I've had a lot of time to think about all of this. And what I've come up with is really simple: I came to this on my terms.
This is something I want. This is something I need. She is someone I love. She is my only love. At this point in my life, this age I'm at, everyone I know seems to have some sort of direction. Perhaps they're just as fucked up as I am except they hide it better, I don't know, but I've never had a dream, a goal, or ambition like I have to be with her. It may seem impossible, but for her I shall try.
She won't get to read this for a few days. By then, my nails won't hurt as much, my hair will be even longer (I can get it into my mouth without using my hands), and my love will grow even more. No one knows how much I love this person. Not even she does. I don't think I even do. But the truth is, I can't live without her. I wouldn't feel right without her again. It would leave this gigantic hole in my life. There's a whole in my life right now knowing that we won't talk for a few days. And only one person can spackle that whole aside from Debbie Travis and Martha Stewart.
I miss her...
Welcome to the tragic kingdom. Cornfields of popcorn have yet to spring open
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Shock and Awe
I think something happened today for the first time in mix tape history. I was making a tape (dominantly Haden Sister related) and the last song, Hitchin' A Ride by Green Day featuring Petra Haden on violin, ended at the same time that the film on the tape ended. Wowsers.
I think something happened today for the first time in mix tape history. I was making a tape (dominantly Haden Sister related) and the last song, Hitchin' A Ride by Green Day featuring Petra Haden on violin, ended at the same time that the film on the tape ended. Wowsers.
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
In Spite of Popularity
Most songs on the radio I usually get sick of. I think for some songs they just get overplayed. Other songs just aren't very good to begin with. And some artists, sometimes success can be a curse. This is a song that gets a lot of play yet I've loved for so long in spite of all the "Teeny Bopper" tags thrown towards them:
I'd Do Anything
Another day is goin by
I'm thinkin about you
All the time
But you're out there
And im here waiting
And I wrote this letter
In my head
Cause so many things
Were left unsaid
But now you're gone and i can't think straight
This could be
The one last chance
To make you understand
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow i cant put you
In the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cause I know
I won't forget you
Together we broke
All the rules
Dreaming of dropping out
Of school
And leave this
Place to never come back
So maybe now after all
These years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting
This could be the one last
Chance to make you
Understand
And just cant let you
Leave me once again
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow i cant put you
In the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cause I know
I won't forget you
I close my eyes
And all i see is you
I close my eyes
I try to sleep
I can't forget you
na na na!! na na na!!
And I'd do anything for you
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow i cant put you
In the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cause I know
I won't forget you
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing i wont do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
Cause I know
I wont forget you
Most songs on the radio I usually get sick of. I think for some songs they just get overplayed. Other songs just aren't very good to begin with. And some artists, sometimes success can be a curse. This is a song that gets a lot of play yet I've loved for so long in spite of all the "Teeny Bopper" tags thrown towards them:
I'd Do Anything
Another day is goin by
I'm thinkin about you
All the time
But you're out there
And im here waiting
And I wrote this letter
In my head
Cause so many things
Were left unsaid
But now you're gone and i can't think straight
This could be
The one last chance
To make you understand
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow i cant put you
In the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cause I know
I won't forget you
Together we broke
All the rules
Dreaming of dropping out
Of school
And leave this
Place to never come back
So maybe now after all
These years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting
This could be the one last
Chance to make you
Understand
And just cant let you
Leave me once again
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow i cant put you
In the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cause I know
I won't forget you
I close my eyes
And all i see is you
I close my eyes
I try to sleep
I can't forget you
na na na!! na na na!!
And I'd do anything for you
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow i cant put you
In the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cause I know
I won't forget you
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing i wont do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
Cause I know
I wont forget you
Mush
I'm not sure what to say... I guess I'll let some stuff flow freely.
I love her.
I'm writting good songs lately. Very Rentals.
Wanting to like school more. Try to live a life, but be my lifeless self.
Need a new job. HMV is hiring.
Need New Glasses... I've had the same frames for 4 years.
I think every so often you need to take a step back from your life and look. Not just at where you are, but on where you plan on being and how you're going to get there. I think I'll steal a monolgue from Chasing Amy. I'm so obsessed.
Not everyone on this earth was meant to be happy... in fact, I don't think anyone is. I just think that we can't put a ceiling on what we want or what (or whom) we love. And it's still her. After all this time, a year of finding one another, all these years of pinning, and all my failed attempts at trying, I finally tried, did, and achieved something. I fell in love. I put my heart on the chopping board and I said things, meant things, felt things, and lived things that I only dreamt about. She made me feel things I always thought were cheesy and over romantic. Hell, I cried at Mr. Deeds. I'm in love with her, still and forever and always. It drives me crazy knowing that the person I love the most is so far away. I get insanely jealous of anyone around her knowing that no one could appreciate the time they spend with her like I would... and do. If I got to spend five minutes with her, an arms length away, no touching, no talking, nothing but starring for a moment or two, I would cry at the sight of her. I would love just to enjoy those moments most people take for granted... those shared moments that no one notices. After all this time, after every conversation over the phone I hold the reciever in my hand and just look at it, hold it for a second, smile, and then hang it up. If I'm at home or at work or on a payphone in the boonies, I do it.
What I'm saying is that I'm still in love. We're still "Crazy In Love" like Beyonce and Jay-Z, only she's beautiful and I don't look like a dog (at least, I hope not). I want to have my life, a life of my own that I can share with her. That is what I want. That is what I look forward to. I've never given up on that. I might have tried to pretend to make it out like I'm just a Giggilo (life goes on without me), but I've never given up on that. Never. As a lover, as a friend, or someone I might just pass by on the street, I have never let her go or that dream go. Because what it comes down to is I need her in my life... or die trying. I'm starting to get dizzy again. I'll end with a line from a song:
I'm not sure what to say... I guess I'll let some stuff flow freely.
I love her.
I'm writting good songs lately. Very Rentals.
Wanting to like school more. Try to live a life, but be my lifeless self.
Need a new job. HMV is hiring.
Need New Glasses... I've had the same frames for 4 years.
I think every so often you need to take a step back from your life and look. Not just at where you are, but on where you plan on being and how you're going to get there. I think I'll steal a monolgue from Chasing Amy. I'm so obsessed.
ALYSSA:
I've given that a lot of thought, you know? I mean, now that I'm being ostracized by my friends, I've had a lot of time to think about all of this. And what I've come up with is really simple: I came to this on my terms
Not everyone on this earth was meant to be happy... in fact, I don't think anyone is. I just think that we can't put a ceiling on what we want or what (or whom) we love. And it's still her. After all this time, a year of finding one another, all these years of pinning, and all my failed attempts at trying, I finally tried, did, and achieved something. I fell in love. I put my heart on the chopping board and I said things, meant things, felt things, and lived things that I only dreamt about. She made me feel things I always thought were cheesy and over romantic. Hell, I cried at Mr. Deeds. I'm in love with her, still and forever and always. It drives me crazy knowing that the person I love the most is so far away. I get insanely jealous of anyone around her knowing that no one could appreciate the time they spend with her like I would... and do. If I got to spend five minutes with her, an arms length away, no touching, no talking, nothing but starring for a moment or two, I would cry at the sight of her. I would love just to enjoy those moments most people take for granted... those shared moments that no one notices. After all this time, after every conversation over the phone I hold the reciever in my hand and just look at it, hold it for a second, smile, and then hang it up. If I'm at home or at work or on a payphone in the boonies, I do it.
What I'm saying is that I'm still in love. We're still "Crazy In Love" like Beyonce and Jay-Z, only she's beautiful and I don't look like a dog (at least, I hope not). I want to have my life, a life of my own that I can share with her. That is what I want. That is what I look forward to. I've never given up on that. I might have tried to pretend to make it out like I'm just a Giggilo (life goes on without me), but I've never given up on that. Never. As a lover, as a friend, or someone I might just pass by on the street, I have never let her go or that dream go. Because what it comes down to is I need her in my life... or die trying. I'm starting to get dizzy again. I'll end with a line from a song:
"I tried, you know I tried. I tried. As hard it is maybe I know you should be with me. And even though it seems it's alright. I still believe you should be with me."
Monday, September 01, 2003
Mixed Tapes and Gravol
I'm extremely sick. My white walls are spinning and this computer monitor seems like it's on a gigantic slant. I'm writting this with my eyes closed so excuse my spelling errors.
I'm really into the idea of writting music lately. I have ideas and sounds and lyrics and songs floating within this head of mine. Yes, there is a head underneath all of this hair. I'm being influenced by awhole lot of music lately. I feel like making a mix tape to really inspire me. Here's a list of stuff that I listen to a lot lately and other stuff I want to get stuffed into my head:
Jamie - Weezer
Mrs Young - Rentals
Arcoss the Sea - Ozma
Buddy Holly - Weezer
Boys Don't Cry - The Cure
Why Can't I - Liz Phair (Damn Chum FM)
Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne (Work radio strikes again)
Because I Got High - Afroman
Getting By - The Rentals
She Says It's Alright - The Rentals
Holiday - Weezer
No Other One - Weezer
Wanda - Rivers Cuomo
Divided - Tegan and Sara
All For Nothing - The Muffs
That's just a taste. Mainly, Seven More Minutes and the Blue Album... plus a lot of acoustic Rentals stuff. I'm in this confusing state where fun and happy sounding songs feel good, but so do the sad depressiong ones.
Oddly, I have no even listened to the new Dashboard. Don't know why. I think Pinkerton has kind of ruined me towards most albums because every single song hits me on a really deep level. Seven More Minutes seems to do the trick too... possibly even more. I've been listening to it a lot over the summer and today I listened to it while reading the lyrics. Much like Pinkerton sort of summed up who I was a year ago in some ways this album sums me up. It's a really, really good album from end to end. It has it sad, sad songs about a girl across the sea (Spain instead of Japan), "She Says It's Alright" is my new "Across The Sea"... and "Mrs. Young" is also my new "Jamie" by the way.
I'm tired and spinning.
I'm extremely sick. My white walls are spinning and this computer monitor seems like it's on a gigantic slant. I'm writting this with my eyes closed so excuse my spelling errors.
I'm really into the idea of writting music lately. I have ideas and sounds and lyrics and songs floating within this head of mine. Yes, there is a head underneath all of this hair. I'm being influenced by awhole lot of music lately. I feel like making a mix tape to really inspire me. Here's a list of stuff that I listen to a lot lately and other stuff I want to get stuffed into my head:
Jamie - Weezer
Mrs Young - Rentals
Arcoss the Sea - Ozma
Buddy Holly - Weezer
Boys Don't Cry - The Cure
Why Can't I - Liz Phair (Damn Chum FM)
Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne (Work radio strikes again)
Because I Got High - Afroman
Getting By - The Rentals
She Says It's Alright - The Rentals
Holiday - Weezer
No Other One - Weezer
Wanda - Rivers Cuomo
Divided - Tegan and Sara
All For Nothing - The Muffs
That's just a taste. Mainly, Seven More Minutes and the Blue Album... plus a lot of acoustic Rentals stuff. I'm in this confusing state where fun and happy sounding songs feel good, but so do the sad depressiong ones.
Oddly, I have no even listened to the new Dashboard. Don't know why. I think Pinkerton has kind of ruined me towards most albums because every single song hits me on a really deep level. Seven More Minutes seems to do the trick too... possibly even more. I've been listening to it a lot over the summer and today I listened to it while reading the lyrics. Much like Pinkerton sort of summed up who I was a year ago in some ways this album sums me up. It's a really, really good album from end to end. It has it sad, sad songs about a girl across the sea (Spain instead of Japan), "She Says It's Alright" is my new "Across The Sea"... and "Mrs. Young" is also my new "Jamie" by the way.
I'm tired and spinning.
