anti-social commentaries version 2.1
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Coming Out of the Closet
No, this has nothing to do with confirming everyone's suspicions because it's really hard to come out of the closet when you've never had your own closet. Does anyone understand how insane that really is? I'm twenty one years old and I have never had my own closet. When I was younger my brother was sort of small and I was a little big so we just shared all of our clothes. For most of my life the idea of having clothes never mattered to me. Seriously, in elementary, clothes did not effect me at all. I didn't feel like expressing myself in the least. I had no personality when I was younger and I did not want any attention on me. I usually wore t-shirts and black pants.
When I finally got to high school, I was forced to wear a uniform. Everyday I wore grey slacks and a white shirt. That was my life for five years. Occasionally, about once a month, we'd get to wear our own clothes, but that wasn't very often so I didn't really spent any money on clothes. Not that I even had much money. To add to the long list of sadness of my traumatic childhood, I never had an allowance. Never, ever did I have an allowance so almost all of my income came from birthdays and christmas... which is probably why I loved my grandparents so much. I didn't get an allowance so I really didn't have any money as a kid or as a teenager, and as the world's biggest music fan at 14 years old, pretty much every cent I had went into buying CDs, so the idea of buying Hilfiger jeans or a Nike t-shirt really didn't appeal to me.
To be honest, the idea of style and really having my own clothes and caring about what I wear didn't come into play until the last year. Vanity did not set in until I turned 19 or 20. It was my Weezer t-shirt that clicked that part of my mind. From there, I've pretty much become a "rocker" as someone out there would say... and now an activist with my "FREE MATT SHARP" t-shirt.
I'm getting way off track. I have never had my own closet which makes me feel like even more of a prisoner of my own life, of this brick house (mighty, mighty). It's like, this room is supposed to be my room... my sanctuary from all those things on the other side of the door that I detest and fear... that I loathe and love... that I'm distant from and a part of. But my closet isn't even mine. What is supposed to be my place in the world is filled with other people's things.
Do you wanna know where I put my clothes? There's this wooden thing that's really expensive that my Jecho got for cheap that's meant to hold your fine China or Elvis commemorative plates. It holds my Weezer T, my Ramoes shirt, my ugly african shirt... I feel like taking all of my clothes off of it and singing the Rough Rider's Waltz with it (does anyone have a clue to what I meant by that?).
I know one thing about my near future: This room will be mine... this will be my cabin amongst the trees, my midnight at the oasis, my Island in the Sun... Hip, hip!
No, this has nothing to do with confirming everyone's suspicions because it's really hard to come out of the closet when you've never had your own closet. Does anyone understand how insane that really is? I'm twenty one years old and I have never had my own closet. When I was younger my brother was sort of small and I was a little big so we just shared all of our clothes. For most of my life the idea of having clothes never mattered to me. Seriously, in elementary, clothes did not effect me at all. I didn't feel like expressing myself in the least. I had no personality when I was younger and I did not want any attention on me. I usually wore t-shirts and black pants.
When I finally got to high school, I was forced to wear a uniform. Everyday I wore grey slacks and a white shirt. That was my life for five years. Occasionally, about once a month, we'd get to wear our own clothes, but that wasn't very often so I didn't really spent any money on clothes. Not that I even had much money. To add to the long list of sadness of my traumatic childhood, I never had an allowance. Never, ever did I have an allowance so almost all of my income came from birthdays and christmas... which is probably why I loved my grandparents so much. I didn't get an allowance so I really didn't have any money as a kid or as a teenager, and as the world's biggest music fan at 14 years old, pretty much every cent I had went into buying CDs, so the idea of buying Hilfiger jeans or a Nike t-shirt really didn't appeal to me.
To be honest, the idea of style and really having my own clothes and caring about what I wear didn't come into play until the last year. Vanity did not set in until I turned 19 or 20. It was my Weezer t-shirt that clicked that part of my mind. From there, I've pretty much become a "rocker" as someone out there would say... and now an activist with my "FREE MATT SHARP" t-shirt.
I'm getting way off track. I have never had my own closet which makes me feel like even more of a prisoner of my own life, of this brick house (mighty, mighty). It's like, this room is supposed to be my room... my sanctuary from all those things on the other side of the door that I detest and fear... that I loathe and love... that I'm distant from and a part of. But my closet isn't even mine. What is supposed to be my place in the world is filled with other people's things.
Do you wanna know where I put my clothes? There's this wooden thing that's really expensive that my Jecho got for cheap that's meant to hold your fine China or Elvis commemorative plates. It holds my Weezer T, my Ramoes shirt, my ugly african shirt... I feel like taking all of my clothes off of it and singing the Rough Rider's Waltz with it (does anyone have a clue to what I meant by that?).
I know one thing about my near future: This room will be mine... this will be my cabin amongst the trees, my midnight at the oasis, my Island in the Sun... Hip, hip!
Saturday, June 28, 2003
Hands Down
I wrote this song a few days ago. I don't have a title. I'm thinking "Lauren's Apartment" just because I think that is the most realistic line I've ever written... any other ideas?
I was cold
And you were warm
I held you close
I held you tight
I never thought
That someone's smile
Could make me happy
I felt your eyes
And held your breath
You kissed my cheek
I touched your breast
And everything
that came before
Was just a Glimmer
But in three days you will leave
And I'll feel as incomplete
As I did
But right now I don't want to listen
We were warm
By Journey's end
And you asked me to kiss you
On your lips
Too much tongue
It was my first time
We made love
With your eyes closed
And I asked you to open
I am so in love with you
Is all I said
And you'll be gone in two days
And I won't know what to say
But right now
I just don't want to speak
And we were cold
Downtown
Hanging out at Union Station
Held you in
The parking lot
Then we drove past Lauren's Apartment
And I played
Hands down
And you kissed me like you meant it
This could be
The last time that we're together
And this is the one night
I hoped it would be right
Except it snow
But right now I don't want to see it
At Peason airport you left me here
I promised not to cry as I held back the tears
You waved good-bye in my blurry vision
And now you're warm
And I'm cold
Because I cannot hold you
In any place but my heart
And now you're cold
And I'm warm
Because I cannot hold
In any place but my heart
I wrote this song a few days ago. I don't have a title. I'm thinking "Lauren's Apartment" just because I think that is the most realistic line I've ever written... any other ideas?
I was cold
And you were warm
I held you close
I held you tight
I never thought
That someone's smile
Could make me happy
I felt your eyes
And held your breath
You kissed my cheek
I touched your breast
And everything
that came before
Was just a Glimmer
But in three days you will leave
And I'll feel as incomplete
As I did
But right now I don't want to listen
We were warm
By Journey's end
And you asked me to kiss you
On your lips
Too much tongue
It was my first time
We made love
With your eyes closed
And I asked you to open
I am so in love with you
Is all I said
And you'll be gone in two days
And I won't know what to say
But right now
I just don't want to speak
And we were cold
Downtown
Hanging out at Union Station
Held you in
The parking lot
Then we drove past Lauren's Apartment
And I played
Hands down
And you kissed me like you meant it
This could be
The last time that we're together
And this is the one night
I hoped it would be right
Except it snow
But right now I don't want to see it
At Peason airport you left me here
I promised not to cry as I held back the tears
You waved good-bye in my blurry vision
And now you're warm
And I'm cold
Because I cannot hold you
In any place but my heart
And now you're cold
And I'm warm
Because I cannot hold
In any place but my heart
Thursday, June 26, 2003
Blogger
Blogger has this new template for when you do your uploads? Why was I not consulted? Are they not aware that I do not like change? Bastards!
Blogger has this new template for when you do your uploads? Why was I not consulted? Are they not aware that I do not like change? Bastards!
Matt Sharp
So I saw Matt Sharp at the Rivolli last night was quite impressed. I even brushed his arm... Tegan smiled at me, I said Hi to Dr. Frank in the bathroom, Matt Sharp touched me, I'm pretty much guaraunteed to have sex with Dave Grohl if I see the Foo Fighters next week.
As for the show, it was quite great except for some drunk guys that were sitting on the stage. It was quite an intimate show. The atmosphere was quite nice aside from the fact that the room itself looked like an 8th grade dance, once the show started it was quite great. The band even invited people to sit on the stage with them. Damn drunk guys. But it was just so nice and sweet. The whole concept of the show was just quite unique. Every song had it's own picture. After every song, a new picture would pop up behind them.
I looked at Matt, someone I very much admire, and thought "He must have a case of the Steve Urkel's". The Steve Urkel's? No matter what Jaleel White does, no matter how great of an actor he may become, he will always be seen as the guy that played Carl Winslow's neighbour. Same goes for Matt. Not matter what he does or much success he gains, even with how great the Rentals were, he will always be remember as the bass player from Weezer or the guy that sued Weezer. Even from myself. Right after the concert I told my friend that I will always think of him as the guy that does the vocal solo on El Scorcho... this coming from me, a boy that loves the innovation that Moog sound he created will always remember him most fondly as the guy who seemed to piss Rivers off in the El Scorcho video.
People throughout the show kept wanting to play old matterial, some of which he didn't even write. "Play Barcelona!" "Play Friends of P" "Play the Sweater Song" "Play Basket Case"... I said that last one, but only as a joke and to my friend. In response to this Matt sang the following:
It was quite possibly the highlight of my entire day, even after watching the Princess Bride for the first time in years and Shawn Wallace saying, "Inconceivable".
At first the show felt a little down because I hoping that the humor and upbeat sound of his Rentals music would somewhat be conveyed in this intimate atmosphere, but it started off really slow with a song with the beautiful line "Did your dreams make you happy?" But once he took us back to 1999, a very good year, and played Getting By, one of my favourite songs, everything seemed quite alright.
Anyways, I'm rabling like a eighth grade girl with a crush on Justin Timberlake.
So I saw Matt Sharp at the Rivolli last night was quite impressed. I even brushed his arm... Tegan smiled at me, I said Hi to Dr. Frank in the bathroom, Matt Sharp touched me, I'm pretty much guaraunteed to have sex with Dave Grohl if I see the Foo Fighters next week.
As for the show, it was quite great except for some drunk guys that were sitting on the stage. It was quite an intimate show. The atmosphere was quite nice aside from the fact that the room itself looked like an 8th grade dance, once the show started it was quite great. The band even invited people to sit on the stage with them. Damn drunk guys. But it was just so nice and sweet. The whole concept of the show was just quite unique. Every song had it's own picture. After every song, a new picture would pop up behind them.
I looked at Matt, someone I very much admire, and thought "He must have a case of the Steve Urkel's". The Steve Urkel's? No matter what Jaleel White does, no matter how great of an actor he may become, he will always be seen as the guy that played Carl Winslow's neighbour. Same goes for Matt. Not matter what he does or much success he gains, even with how great the Rentals were, he will always be remember as the bass player from Weezer or the guy that sued Weezer. Even from myself. Right after the concert I told my friend that I will always think of him as the guy that does the vocal solo on El Scorcho... this coming from me, a boy that loves the innovation that Moog sound he created will always remember him most fondly as the guy who seemed to piss Rivers off in the El Scorcho video.
People throughout the show kept wanting to play old matterial, some of which he didn't even write. "Play Barcelona!" "Play Friends of P" "Play the Sweater Song" "Play Basket Case"... I said that last one, but only as a joke and to my friend. In response to this Matt sang the following:
What's with these homies fucking dissing my girl?
Why do they gotta front?
It was quite possibly the highlight of my entire day, even after watching the Princess Bride for the first time in years and Shawn Wallace saying, "Inconceivable".
At first the show felt a little down because I hoping that the humor and upbeat sound of his Rentals music would somewhat be conveyed in this intimate atmosphere, but it started off really slow with a song with the beautiful line "Did your dreams make you happy?" But once he took us back to 1999, a very good year, and played Getting By, one of my favourite songs, everything seemed quite alright.
Anyways, I'm rabling like a eighth grade girl with a crush on Justin Timberlake.
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
Cliches
Cliches have been running through my mind for the little bit. The first that comes to mind is "It's better to have loved than never loved at all." A friend of mine is going through some stuff and in her case it's hard for me to understand this statement. She keeps making out this love of hers to be a regret. It seems like she would take it all back because it hasn't ended happily ever after.
"Happily ever after..." Once again, a cliche. This one doesn't exist. You know what pisses me off in movies? Happily ever afters. Do Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan just stay together forever in Sleepless in Seatle because she thinks he's sweet and he thinks she's cute? Do Troy and Lelaina stay together forever and be happy in Reality Bites? See, this is my favourite movie and I want to know how they end up... but that's why there will never be a sequel. Their lives together will never live up to expectations.
"Blood is thicker than water". I've never understood this. What the hell does water have to do with anything? Someone explain this to me.
Anyways... off to see Matt Sharp.
Cliches have been running through my mind for the little bit. The first that comes to mind is "It's better to have loved than never loved at all." A friend of mine is going through some stuff and in her case it's hard for me to understand this statement. She keeps making out this love of hers to be a regret. It seems like she would take it all back because it hasn't ended happily ever after.
"Happily ever after..." Once again, a cliche. This one doesn't exist. You know what pisses me off in movies? Happily ever afters. Do Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan just stay together forever in Sleepless in Seatle because she thinks he's sweet and he thinks she's cute? Do Troy and Lelaina stay together forever and be happy in Reality Bites? See, this is my favourite movie and I want to know how they end up... but that's why there will never be a sequel. Their lives together will never live up to expectations.
"Blood is thicker than water". I've never understood this. What the hell does water have to do with anything? Someone explain this to me.
Anyways... off to see Matt Sharp.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
El Scorcho
I recently downloaded every single Weezer video off of kazaa... the things we do when sick. And though Buddy Holly and Keep Fishin' are quite possibly the epitomes of music video (short, fun, and funny), I really am intrigued by the El Scorcho video. It's a really odd video to watch because the four members of the band all seem to be in different head spaces during it. Rivers looks like he's trying to be Mr. Sensitive, giving the camera soulful looks, never cracking a smile. Pat is in the back being funny, smiling, and chuckling. Brian is just acting like himself, not really having any feelings. And Matt, it looks like he just wants to piss Rivers off. He's in the video, and half the time he's not even holding his bass.
Tomorrow I shall see Matt. Would it be much to bring my Rentals CD? I could tell him the story of how I bought it for six dollars at a used CD store. My useless stories that end up going nowhere... I do not know.
I recently downloaded every single Weezer video off of kazaa... the things we do when sick. And though Buddy Holly and Keep Fishin' are quite possibly the epitomes of music video (short, fun, and funny), I really am intrigued by the El Scorcho video. It's a really odd video to watch because the four members of the band all seem to be in different head spaces during it. Rivers looks like he's trying to be Mr. Sensitive, giving the camera soulful looks, never cracking a smile. Pat is in the back being funny, smiling, and chuckling. Brian is just acting like himself, not really having any feelings. And Matt, it looks like he just wants to piss Rivers off. He's in the video, and half the time he's not even holding his bass.
Tomorrow I shall see Matt. Would it be much to bring my Rentals CD? I could tell him the story of how I bought it for six dollars at a used CD store. My useless stories that end up going nowhere... I do not know.
A Little Thing
I'm feeling lost and lonely and sad and confused and optimistic and tired and sick and malnourished and lazy and troubled and scared and paranoid and loved and hated and needed and wanted and pushed away and unimportant and in need of passion...
I'm feeling lost and lonely and sad and confused and optimistic and tired and sick and malnourished and lazy and troubled and scared and paranoid and loved and hated and needed and wanted and pushed away and unimportant and in need of passion...
No Jokes Please
When I was 14 years old I tried to kill myself... a few times actually. I remember having a headache one day and reading something along the lines of "There is enough medication in this bottle to overdose." So the next day I bought a bottle of Asprin from Guardian drugs and drank most of it. I later vomited them back up. A few months later I slit my leg wrist with a blade. I could hardly do it. It was like a gash, not even a gash, but a cut. At the ages of 14 and 15, I remember wanting to die. I remember wanting to kill myself on a daily basis. I would look at the mirror and think, "What's the fucking point?" I just looked at that mirror and thought about the pros and cons of living and the cons often won. The cons would win with the thought "We all eventually die anyways."
And for a year, I began to look and cling for a piece of hope. There was this girl, the infamous Katie, who I fell in love with... with? No. I fell in love with at. I looked at her and thought that this person and I would be great. She gave me hope in some way though she probably doesn't even remember who I am.
And then there was someone else. There's a line in a song that comes to mind... but I'll mention it later. She came into my life at the start of tenth grade. For the first time in my life, someone understood and wanted to listen. She didn't want to push me. She didn't want me to stay hushed about my problems. And she was the one that gave me hope... and continues to today. Though were miles away, I was closer to her than anyone else. It was like there were all these people around me, but no one knew me at all. I still feel this way today.
And then I lost her... I lost her. Just out of the blue one day, she was gone. Everyday we would speak, but then out of nowhere she was gone.
I can honestly say I've fallen in love twice in my life... twice with the same person. She is someone who I'd rather have thousands of miles away from then not have at all.
"There's someone out there who feels just like me..."
When I was 14 years old I tried to kill myself... a few times actually. I remember having a headache one day and reading something along the lines of "There is enough medication in this bottle to overdose." So the next day I bought a bottle of Asprin from Guardian drugs and drank most of it. I later vomited them back up. A few months later I slit my leg wrist with a blade. I could hardly do it. It was like a gash, not even a gash, but a cut. At the ages of 14 and 15, I remember wanting to die. I remember wanting to kill myself on a daily basis. I would look at the mirror and think, "What's the fucking point?" I just looked at that mirror and thought about the pros and cons of living and the cons often won. The cons would win with the thought "We all eventually die anyways."
And for a year, I began to look and cling for a piece of hope. There was this girl, the infamous Katie, who I fell in love with... with? No. I fell in love with at. I looked at her and thought that this person and I would be great. She gave me hope in some way though she probably doesn't even remember who I am.
And then there was someone else. There's a line in a song that comes to mind... but I'll mention it later. She came into my life at the start of tenth grade. For the first time in my life, someone understood and wanted to listen. She didn't want to push me. She didn't want me to stay hushed about my problems. And she was the one that gave me hope... and continues to today. Though were miles away, I was closer to her than anyone else. It was like there were all these people around me, but no one knew me at all. I still feel this way today.
And then I lost her... I lost her. Just out of the blue one day, she was gone. Everyday we would speak, but then out of nowhere she was gone.
I can honestly say I've fallen in love twice in my life... twice with the same person. She is someone who I'd rather have thousands of miles away from then not have at all.
"There's someone out there who feels just like me..."
The Story of Huzzah!
I've said this story before on the old site, but it's quite a funny one so I'll share it here.
A few years ago, back in my teenage years, I was finishing up high school and to celebrate the staff organized a breakfast for the the students that were leaving. As I walked into the library where this function was being held, the librarian informed me and the people that I was with to write our names and where we were going in the fall on these large pieces of paper at the other side of the library. At the time, I had no plans other than to sleep and play Tony Hawk, so I did what any weirdo would do... I wrote my name followed by "Harvard".
So I took the year off following this incident and feel in love with the cartoon Undergrads. Yes, Undergrads with the cutest cartoon in the world, Jessie. Long story short, there was a character on their that, well... he was gay. And he had this funny saying, "Huzzah!" It was funny so I started saying it all of the time. First, somewhat flamboyantly, but after awhile it just became a word in my vocabulary.
So my year of exile continued and I started thinking if people really thought I went to Harvard. A lot of people did because no one really knew me and everyone thought I was a genius (if that is true or not, the jury is still out on that one because for being a genius, I sure am a moron). So I started researching how I could pretend that I went to Harvard. So I read somewhere that people in that area say "Huzzah" as some version of "Hurray"... so I had that part covered. And I also had an old Harvard T-shirt that also helped me because it looked worn and used and not like I had just bought it at a store downtown.
So, basically, huzzah started off as something gay and ended up contributing to a lie.
I've said this story before on the old site, but it's quite a funny one so I'll share it here.
A few years ago, back in my teenage years, I was finishing up high school and to celebrate the staff organized a breakfast for the the students that were leaving. As I walked into the library where this function was being held, the librarian informed me and the people that I was with to write our names and where we were going in the fall on these large pieces of paper at the other side of the library. At the time, I had no plans other than to sleep and play Tony Hawk, so I did what any weirdo would do... I wrote my name followed by "Harvard".
So I took the year off following this incident and feel in love with the cartoon Undergrads. Yes, Undergrads with the cutest cartoon in the world, Jessie. Long story short, there was a character on their that, well... he was gay. And he had this funny saying, "Huzzah!" It was funny so I started saying it all of the time. First, somewhat flamboyantly, but after awhile it just became a word in my vocabulary.
So my year of exile continued and I started thinking if people really thought I went to Harvard. A lot of people did because no one really knew me and everyone thought I was a genius (if that is true or not, the jury is still out on that one because for being a genius, I sure am a moron). So I started researching how I could pretend that I went to Harvard. So I read somewhere that people in that area say "Huzzah" as some version of "Hurray"... so I had that part covered. And I also had an old Harvard T-shirt that also helped me because it looked worn and used and not like I had just bought it at a store downtown.
So, basically, huzzah started off as something gay and ended up contributing to a lie.
Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Yes, I just quoted one of the greatest cartoons of all time: Pinky and The Brain. To get way off topic, I wonder who I'm more like, Pinky or Brain? I'm definitely as weird and down right stupid as Pinky, but the Brain is a genius out for global domination just like I am... I've revealed too much. Perhaps I'm like Elmira? For those don't know, after awhile, Pinky and the Brain teamed with Elmira of Tiny Toons fame.
Anyways, anywho, and anyhow... my plans of global domination are finally beginning to come to light. People who I don't know personally signed my guestbook. And for that I give the two of you the Harvard salute - Huzzah! One by one my minions will follow and all the anti-socials of the world will rally. My plan will be unfereled, by the dawning of the sun we'll take over the world.
In other news, Weezer, my favourite band in the world, will be doing a cover of my favourite song, Worry Rock, by my next to favourite band in the world, Green Day... or Rolling Stone will have you believe. Featured on the track will be Petra Hayden, my favourite violin player who should have made my top five musicians list that I posted a few weeks ago. And yea... she's pretty. At least, I think so. Someone with that much talent is totally beautiful inspite of what anyone says. She was in a big accident a few years ago so... maybe she's all mangled and has a third eye... but still beautiful. Look at her work, The Rentals, That Dog, and the ever famous "Time of your life (Good Riddance)". Everyone and their mother is fond of "Time of you life" by Green Day. So, yea, she's great.
I'm still sick. My throat hurts a lot. And I have to work today... but I'm off to see Matt Sharp tomorrow... huzzah! I'm feeling oddly optimistic. Considering I could not move yesterday, I feel great in comparison. My plan of taking drowsy medicine all day while watching boring TV worked.
Yes, I just quoted one of the greatest cartoons of all time: Pinky and The Brain. To get way off topic, I wonder who I'm more like, Pinky or Brain? I'm definitely as weird and down right stupid as Pinky, but the Brain is a genius out for global domination just like I am... I've revealed too much. Perhaps I'm like Elmira? For those don't know, after awhile, Pinky and the Brain teamed with Elmira of Tiny Toons fame.
Anyways, anywho, and anyhow... my plans of global domination are finally beginning to come to light. People who I don't know personally signed my guestbook. And for that I give the two of you the Harvard salute - Huzzah! One by one my minions will follow and all the anti-socials of the world will rally. My plan will be unfereled, by the dawning of the sun we'll take over the world.
In other news, Weezer, my favourite band in the world, will be doing a cover of my favourite song, Worry Rock, by my next to favourite band in the world, Green Day... or Rolling Stone will have you believe. Featured on the track will be Petra Hayden, my favourite violin player who should have made my top five musicians list that I posted a few weeks ago. And yea... she's pretty. At least, I think so. Someone with that much talent is totally beautiful inspite of what anyone says. She was in a big accident a few years ago so... maybe she's all mangled and has a third eye... but still beautiful. Look at her work, The Rentals, That Dog, and the ever famous "Time of your life (Good Riddance)". Everyone and their mother is fond of "Time of you life" by Green Day. So, yea, she's great.
I'm still sick. My throat hurts a lot. And I have to work today... but I'm off to see Matt Sharp tomorrow... huzzah! I'm feeling oddly optimistic. Considering I could not move yesterday, I feel great in comparison. My plan of taking drowsy medicine all day while watching boring TV worked.
Monday, June 23, 2003
Sick
I spent the last 12 hours falling in and out of acoma on a couch... I fell asleep to the following The Juice Man Infomercial, Father of the Bride II, the MMVAs, The Simpsons... I don't feel well, but I feel better.
I'm not sick, but I'm not well.
I have seen flem all colours of the rainbow.
I spent the last 12 hours falling in and out of acoma on a couch... I fell asleep to the following The Juice Man Infomercial, Father of the Bride II, the MMVAs, The Simpsons... I don't feel well, but I feel better.
I'm not sick, but I'm not well.
I have seen flem all colours of the rainbow.
Sunday, June 22, 2003
Friday, June 20, 2003
One Last Thing Before I Quit
My throat hurts... my head hurts... my eyes hurts. I am as they say "Jacked up." Part of me wants to just stay in bed all day tomorrow, but if I did, my parents would "over love" me as they say. Smother me is what I call it. They'd probably use some ancient Chinese secrets to heal me while all I really want is a claritin, a glass of water, and maybe a Cinnabon to make me feel better.
I will never ever have good parents for one simple reason, they will never listen to me. Even when they hear me they will never understand and listen. I hate my life for one reason, hardly anyone understands. And why do they not understand? Because I myself do not understand...
Hard Core Logo comes to mind: And in the end is love... And in the end is love..... And in the end is love.....
My throat hurts... my head hurts... my eyes hurts. I am as they say "Jacked up." Part of me wants to just stay in bed all day tomorrow, but if I did, my parents would "over love" me as they say. Smother me is what I call it. They'd probably use some ancient Chinese secrets to heal me while all I really want is a claritin, a glass of water, and maybe a Cinnabon to make me feel better.
I will never ever have good parents for one simple reason, they will never listen to me. Even when they hear me they will never understand and listen. I hate my life for one reason, hardly anyone understands. And why do they not understand? Because I myself do not understand...
Hard Core Logo comes to mind: And in the end is love... And in the end is love..... And in the end is love.....
Yea... So
I was about to blog about genius and some other stuff in my life, but I'm really sleepy and sick and allergy ridden...
I was about to blog about genius and some other stuff in my life, but I'm really sleepy and sick and allergy ridden...
It's a Small(er) World Wide Web After All
There's two things that this title applies to, but I don't feel like delving into either one... one ties me closer into someone's life while the other pushes me away. Good night.
There's two things that this title applies to, but I don't feel like delving into either one... one ties me closer into someone's life while the other pushes me away. Good night.
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Small Ass Ham
I won't get too indepth with these top five moments.
5) Hey, it's you again: Long story short, my best-friend who I hadn't heard word from in four years came back into my life. I can't explain the moment at all, but I just remember this weird feeling inside of me. One of amazement and, dare I say, happiness for a brief moment.
4) One song and a funeral: Almost two years ago my grandmother died. After her funeral a bunch of my family just jammed and played instruments and I came up with this really great riff. And a few days later I came up with these lyrics. Who were they about? No, not my grandmother. They were about the previously mentioned person. It was weird... Of all the people I wanted around me at that time, she was the only one I wanted and I had no idea where she was.
3) A Spring Break Sabbatical: You know those moments where you just feel good. Those moments, those little incidents where you feel happy... like drinking a big gulp in the back seat of a car with someone you like... I had one of those moments. It was one of those "On the way home, this car is my confession" moments. I was at my cousins and I spent the day with them and people I went to high school with. It was weird because as I drove home I just had that feeling you seldomly get in life. For a brief instant, I felt happy.
2) Thousands sing El Scorcho: Weezer, July 2002, thousands of people sang the chorus of "I think I'd be good for you and you'd be good for me." At that point in my life, El Scorcho was my favourite song. The idea of wanting someone to want me, needing someone to need me, loving for someone to love me... and it was great hearing all of those people say the same things I was feeling. I felt... I don't know... less alone in a way.
1) Looking in her eyes and saying "I'm in love with you": I think this is self-explanatory. The time around this moment was the happiest I had ever been and probably ever will be. Use your own imaginations for that is all I will say.
I won't get too indepth with these top five moments.
5) Hey, it's you again: Long story short, my best-friend who I hadn't heard word from in four years came back into my life. I can't explain the moment at all, but I just remember this weird feeling inside of me. One of amazement and, dare I say, happiness for a brief moment.
4) One song and a funeral: Almost two years ago my grandmother died. After her funeral a bunch of my family just jammed and played instruments and I came up with this really great riff. And a few days later I came up with these lyrics. Who were they about? No, not my grandmother. They were about the previously mentioned person. It was weird... Of all the people I wanted around me at that time, she was the only one I wanted and I had no idea where she was.
3) A Spring Break Sabbatical: You know those moments where you just feel good. Those moments, those little incidents where you feel happy... like drinking a big gulp in the back seat of a car with someone you like... I had one of those moments. It was one of those "On the way home, this car is my confession" moments. I was at my cousins and I spent the day with them and people I went to high school with. It was weird because as I drove home I just had that feeling you seldomly get in life. For a brief instant, I felt happy.
2) Thousands sing El Scorcho: Weezer, July 2002, thousands of people sang the chorus of "I think I'd be good for you and you'd be good for me." At that point in my life, El Scorcho was my favourite song. The idea of wanting someone to want me, needing someone to need me, loving for someone to love me... and it was great hearing all of those people say the same things I was feeling. I felt... I don't know... less alone in a way.
1) Looking in her eyes and saying "I'm in love with you": I think this is self-explanatory. The time around this moment was the happiest I had ever been and probably ever will be. Use your own imaginations for that is all I will say.
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
Top Five Moments:
I thought I'd share with you the top five moments of my life by title... I'll probably post them in detail later on.
5) Hey, it's you again
4) One song and a Funeral
3) A Spring Break on Sabbatical
2) Thousands sing El Scorcho
1) Looking in her eyes and saying "I'm in love with you."
I thought I'd share with you the top five moments of my life by title... I'll probably post them in detail later on.
5) Hey, it's you again
4) One song and a Funeral
3) A Spring Break on Sabbatical
2) Thousands sing El Scorcho
1) Looking in her eyes and saying "I'm in love with you."
3rd Rock From the Sun
You know on 3rd Rock from the Sun how the family would sit on the roof and talk about stuff... I feel like doing that right now. I used to go up there a lot before my window broke and I can't keep it open unless an empty forty of Olde English is underneath it. I feel like going up there and thinking because nothing else has helped... my mind is toasted.
If I were part of the Soloman clan, who would I be? Definitely Harry... I should take my family up on the roof with me... so I could push them off... kidding, kind of. I'd have to make it look like an accident and real respectable like.
You know on 3rd Rock from the Sun how the family would sit on the roof and talk about stuff... I feel like doing that right now. I used to go up there a lot before my window broke and I can't keep it open unless an empty forty of Olde English is underneath it. I feel like going up there and thinking because nothing else has helped... my mind is toasted.
If I were part of the Soloman clan, who would I be? Definitely Harry... I should take my family up on the roof with me... so I could push them off... kidding, kind of. I'd have to make it look like an accident and real respectable like.
Conversations From A Foot Above
These are conversations from behind the dispensary.
Girl: How are you?
Boy: Nothing.
Girl: I asked how you are not what you're doing.
Boy: I know, I meant nothing. I really feel nothing. I feel like ramming my head through the store's window so I can at least feel pain.
* * *
Girl: I really like this guy. I even found out where he lives.
Boy: Have you dropped by his house?
Girl: No... what would I say?
Boy: Say, "I was just in the neighbourhood... stalking you."
* * *
Boy: You know what I hate the most about being on cash during summer.
Girl: You always hate people.
Boy: But even more in the summer because one, they're annoying, two, I can't stand having to interact, and three, they smell bad.
Girl # 2: But they smell bad in the winter too. What is that smell?
Girl: It's the smell of storing your clothes all summer and pulling them out for winter.
Boy: But they smell worse in the summer because it's that previous smell plus the smell of sweat and BO.
These are conversations from behind the dispensary.
Girl: How are you?
Boy: Nothing.
Girl: I asked how you are not what you're doing.
Boy: I know, I meant nothing. I really feel nothing. I feel like ramming my head through the store's window so I can at least feel pain.
Girl: I really like this guy. I even found out where he lives.
Boy: Have you dropped by his house?
Girl: No... what would I say?
Boy: Say, "I was just in the neighbourhood... stalking you."
Boy: You know what I hate the most about being on cash during summer.
Girl: You always hate people.
Boy: But even more in the summer because one, they're annoying, two, I can't stand having to interact, and three, they smell bad.
Girl # 2: But they smell bad in the winter too. What is that smell?
Girl: It's the smell of storing your clothes all summer and pulling them out for winter.
Boy: But they smell worse in the summer because it's that previous smell plus the smell of sweat and BO.
Syptoms
I think I have anemia. Here are the symptoms:
Weakness and fatigue are the most common symptoms of even mild anemia. (Even iron deficiency without anemia can reduce working capacity in some people.)
Shortness of breath on exertion.
Rapid heartbeat.
Lightheadedness or dizziness.
Headache.
Ringing in the ears (tinnitus).
Irritability and other mood disturbances.
Pale skin (it should be noted, however, that healthy-looking skin color does not rule out anemia if a patient has risk factors and other symptoms of anemia) .
Restless leg syndrome and other sleep disturbances.
Mental confusion.
Loss of sexual drive.
I have most of these... I suck and I'm sick.
I think I have anemia. Here are the symptoms:
Weakness and fatigue are the most common symptoms of even mild anemia. (Even iron deficiency without anemia can reduce working capacity in some people.)
Shortness of breath on exertion.
Rapid heartbeat.
Lightheadedness or dizziness.
Headache.
Ringing in the ears (tinnitus).
Irritability and other mood disturbances.
Pale skin (it should be noted, however, that healthy-looking skin color does not rule out anemia if a patient has risk factors and other symptoms of anemia) .
Restless leg syndrome and other sleep disturbances.
Mental confusion.
Loss of sexual drive.
I have most of these... I suck and I'm sick.
It's Not You, It's Me
My mind is broken. I have no stimulation of the mind lately. My body aches. My mind has no thoughts. My heart has no feelings. I am empty... so how's about you?
I think I have anemia. I just checked the symptoms of it and I most of them. And I am not one those people that's like, "Yea, I might have that." Yea, I'm probably really sick. I'm probably dying. I see a discolouration above my lip. My mind is just filled with bad jokes and quotes...
It's funny... When I make jokes, people laugh, and when I'm not trying to be funny I've been told I'm hysterical. So, basically, I'm being laughed at every moment of the day.
To sum it all up, if I seem quite or not as... I don't know... Queer as folk as I normally am, it's not you, it's me.
My mind is broken. I have no stimulation of the mind lately. My body aches. My mind has no thoughts. My heart has no feelings. I am empty... so how's about you?
I think I have anemia. I just checked the symptoms of it and I most of them. And I am not one those people that's like, "Yea, I might have that." Yea, I'm probably really sick. I'm probably dying. I see a discolouration above my lip. My mind is just filled with bad jokes and quotes...
It's funny... When I make jokes, people laugh, and when I'm not trying to be funny I've been told I'm hysterical. So, basically, I'm being laughed at every moment of the day.
To sum it all up, if I seem quite or not as... I don't know... Queer as folk as I normally am, it's not you, it's me.
Monday, June 16, 2003
Across The Sea
So Rolling Stone did something right... Pinkerton was voted number 16 on the reader's choice top 100. That's pretty amazing consider in 1996 it was the voted the third worst album of the year. Hindsight is funny. Yesterday I was reading Spin's top 90 of the 90's, published in September 1999, and not one of the Weezer albums made the list. If that same list were made today, Pinkerton would probably be in the top ten or twenty. Funny...
Across The Sea is my favourite song in the history of ever and I just found that Rivers, the greedy guy he is, actually shares the rights of the song with someone. No, it's not Matt, it's the Japanese girl who wrote him the letter. If I ever get rich and famous, one of you out there might be entitled to a large settelment.
So Rolling Stone did something right... Pinkerton was voted number 16 on the reader's choice top 100. That's pretty amazing consider in 1996 it was the voted the third worst album of the year. Hindsight is funny. Yesterday I was reading Spin's top 90 of the 90's, published in September 1999, and not one of the Weezer albums made the list. If that same list were made today, Pinkerton would probably be in the top ten or twenty. Funny...
Across The Sea is my favourite song in the history of ever and I just found that Rivers, the greedy guy he is, actually shares the rights of the song with someone. No, it's not Matt, it's the Japanese girl who wrote him the letter. If I ever get rich and famous, one of you out there might be entitled to a large settelment.
Sunday, June 15, 2003
How You Doin'?
This is a message to all girls from a boy who almost everyone thinks is a "Possible Homer-sexual".
As your not so typical and average male (I dare not say man), as well as a person that loves observing humans in their natural habitat, I can surely say that almost every male will check out and stare at every female in every way possible. When a girl first approaches a male, he will check her out. He will look and stare. And if you bend over and let's say your underwear sticks out or your shirt goes up revealing your back, a guy will look. If he is within eyeshot, he will peak. How do I know this? Because as a guy, I do this. But I soon realized that it was rude to do. It's not polite to look at someone so I stopped doing it. But naturally, my eyes see things. But over the last few years, I've changed my habits. I used to just stare and enjoy, but now my eyes will notice the original "checking out" and then turn away out of politeness. It's just not nice. But what do my eyes usually see when they turn away? Other guys checking out the same girl. I remember a few months ago, I was with a friend and one of her friends. We were at a table and she bent down to pick something up. Her back was somewhat exposed. So I turned away and looked at her friend. He was starring at her back. Another time, I'm at school with two of my friends, one male and one female. We're studying for a science test and half the time he was just starring at her chest. She's talking about rainbows from prisms and all he can do is stare at her breasts. Here is my favourite example. If you think guys are being polite by holding doors open for you? Well, half the time, they're just checking you out. I'm at work, this guy holds the door open for this woman and as she walks out he gives me this look and shakes his hand giving in the "god she's hot" fashion...
So, what I'm basically saying is that every moment of the day is pretty much reality TV because someone is watching you. Maybe girls check out guys and I've just never noticed. I am quite slow. A friend of mine once said some girsl were checking me out and I did not notice. They probably just liked my hat. Perhaps girls just hide it better. Who knows? Who cares? Who would want to look at me now that I'm so fat...
This is a message to all girls from a boy who almost everyone thinks is a "Possible Homer-sexual".
As your not so typical and average male (I dare not say man), as well as a person that loves observing humans in their natural habitat, I can surely say that almost every male will check out and stare at every female in every way possible. When a girl first approaches a male, he will check her out. He will look and stare. And if you bend over and let's say your underwear sticks out or your shirt goes up revealing your back, a guy will look. If he is within eyeshot, he will peak. How do I know this? Because as a guy, I do this. But I soon realized that it was rude to do. It's not polite to look at someone so I stopped doing it. But naturally, my eyes see things. But over the last few years, I've changed my habits. I used to just stare and enjoy, but now my eyes will notice the original "checking out" and then turn away out of politeness. It's just not nice. But what do my eyes usually see when they turn away? Other guys checking out the same girl. I remember a few months ago, I was with a friend and one of her friends. We were at a table and she bent down to pick something up. Her back was somewhat exposed. So I turned away and looked at her friend. He was starring at her back. Another time, I'm at school with two of my friends, one male and one female. We're studying for a science test and half the time he was just starring at her chest. She's talking about rainbows from prisms and all he can do is stare at her breasts. Here is my favourite example. If you think guys are being polite by holding doors open for you? Well, half the time, they're just checking you out. I'm at work, this guy holds the door open for this woman and as she walks out he gives me this look and shakes his hand giving in the "god she's hot" fashion...
So, what I'm basically saying is that every moment of the day is pretty much reality TV because someone is watching you. Maybe girls check out guys and I've just never noticed. I am quite slow. A friend of mine once said some girsl were checking me out and I did not notice. They probably just liked my hat. Perhaps girls just hide it better. Who knows? Who cares? Who would want to look at me now that I'm so fat...
An All Time High (Low)
So I'm really really out of sorts now... I'm scared and panicking and angry and tired and sweaty...
I've hit an all time high which is causing an all time low. A few months ago, I was a mere 160 lbs and today I tipped the scales at just under 190. What is wrong with me? I really need to diet. Note the following changes to my diet starting now:
1) No More Breakfast
2) No More Eggs (That may sound funny considering point number one, but I will eat them for dinner occasionally).
3) No more Cheese or Butter
4) Long walks everyday
5) Back on the Jeremy Roenik workout
6) Take Multi-vitamins
I think that's all that I can think of. This is really the worst week ever. My weight has ballooned to epic porpotions, my girlfriend that's 3000 miles away (Which approximately a billion kilometres away) is losing her internet services. My hair is long, limp, and useless. And finally, I have to take my driver's license photo this week. Noooooooooooo!!!
I'm so upset with the way I look as of late. I look in the mirror and don't see myself. I look in the mirror and see someone else... and it's not just the weight I've put on. It's just everything. I don't know who I am anymore. I see myself, but I see someone else. I look in my eyes, but they aren't my eyes. I try to be a good person, but I am not one.
Everything has gone all fiddle faddle foo!!!
So I'm really really out of sorts now... I'm scared and panicking and angry and tired and sweaty...
I've hit an all time high which is causing an all time low. A few months ago, I was a mere 160 lbs and today I tipped the scales at just under 190. What is wrong with me? I really need to diet. Note the following changes to my diet starting now:
1) No More Breakfast
2) No More Eggs (That may sound funny considering point number one, but I will eat them for dinner occasionally).
3) No more Cheese or Butter
4) Long walks everyday
5) Back on the Jeremy Roenik workout
6) Take Multi-vitamins
I think that's all that I can think of. This is really the worst week ever. My weight has ballooned to epic porpotions, my girlfriend that's 3000 miles away (Which approximately a billion kilometres away) is losing her internet services. My hair is long, limp, and useless. And finally, I have to take my driver's license photo this week. Noooooooooooo!!!
I'm so upset with the way I look as of late. I look in the mirror and don't see myself. I look in the mirror and see someone else... and it's not just the weight I've put on. It's just everything. I don't know who I am anymore. I see myself, but I see someone else. I look in my eyes, but they aren't my eyes. I try to be a good person, but I am not one.
Everything has gone all fiddle faddle foo!!!
A Poem
If I could only be a poet
And sit at the corner
Begging for your spare change
Living my life for the suffering
Making change while asking for it
Without yourself
You're no one
With your love
You're no one too
You lose yourself
And change your being
You are part of a team
Part of a whole
Inside of a hole
So let me smoke inspiration
And plan a life of something better
For my life is not a victim
Just a stranger no one knows
I think I want to cry... but I'm not sure.
If I could only be a poet
And sit at the corner
Begging for your spare change
Living my life for the suffering
Making change while asking for it
Without yourself
You're no one
With your love
You're no one too
You lose yourself
And change your being
You are part of a team
Part of a whole
Inside of a hole
So let me smoke inspiration
And plan a life of something better
For my life is not a victim
Just a stranger no one knows
I think I want to cry... but I'm not sure.
Everything...
My head is broken. I cannot think. I cannot live. I cannot be...
Do you ever have one of those moments where you wish you weren't alive or weren't awake? That's how I've been feeling lately. I don't think of killing myself or anything like that... but I'm just a little bored of every single facet of my life. It's quite stale and montonous. I just... I can't think... I can't breathe... I can't function.
I want to break something. I want to set something on fire. I want to get away... but that's the problem. I keep getting away and I always end up in the same place. I end up here, my Anti-social forum, the cell I call my room, this house I don't call my home with these people I'm supposed to call family.
All I can think about lately is Forrest Gump. After Jenny dies he bulldozes down her old house, the hell of that she lived in. "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks."
I've been loving the Rentals lately... "Friends of P" and "The Love I'm Searching For" are my favourite songs at the moment. Why can't Matt just go back in Weezer and make them good again? Speaking of that... it makes me wonder. I look for a lot in Weezer because Pinkerton is my all-time favourite album. And it makes me think of I look at Matt as the scapegoat. I makes me think that I just think that the older stuff is better just because of him and if he went back to the band then the band would miraculously be amazing again... I don't know. Just thinking out loud.
Ooh and it makes me wonder... And as we walk on down the road, our shadows taller than our souls.
My head is broken. I cannot think. I cannot live. I cannot be...
Do you ever have one of those moments where you wish you weren't alive or weren't awake? That's how I've been feeling lately. I don't think of killing myself or anything like that... but I'm just a little bored of every single facet of my life. It's quite stale and montonous. I just... I can't think... I can't breathe... I can't function.
I want to break something. I want to set something on fire. I want to get away... but that's the problem. I keep getting away and I always end up in the same place. I end up here, my Anti-social forum, the cell I call my room, this house I don't call my home with these people I'm supposed to call family.
All I can think about lately is Forrest Gump. After Jenny dies he bulldozes down her old house, the hell of that she lived in. "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks."
I've been loving the Rentals lately... "Friends of P" and "The Love I'm Searching For" are my favourite songs at the moment. Why can't Matt just go back in Weezer and make them good again? Speaking of that... it makes me wonder. I look for a lot in Weezer because Pinkerton is my all-time favourite album. And it makes me think of I look at Matt as the scapegoat. I makes me think that I just think that the older stuff is better just because of him and if he went back to the band then the band would miraculously be amazing again... I don't know. Just thinking out loud.
Ooh and it makes me wonder... And as we walk on down the road, our shadows taller than our souls.
Thursday, June 12, 2003
In A Different City
I usually don't say when I'm out of town (Yes, I said out of town) because I always paranoid that someone might figure out who I am and torch my house down, but now I want people to burn it down so go ahead, I'm out of town.
Anyways... I'm thinking of song that someone out there recomended to me about a year ago. I don't remember the title or the artist, but the lyrics are ringing pretty clear:
This is a time in my life where everything
Is falling a part and at the same time is all coming together
Next week I work... a lot. Even with extra hours, I will not make enough money for school next year. I think I should just find my spot where Spadina meets the Gardiner and just start begging now because it looks like my future is ending up there. No, no negativity... I need positive thoughts. My latest positive thought - Mya... she's really cute.
I was such a guy today... not gay at all really. I played basketball, watched the NBA finals, and enjoyed Mya's new video... of course, I did buy a Buttercup alarm clock. Why does my Powerpuff Girl alarm clock play "Under the sea" from the Little Mermaid? It makes no sense...
Alas, my final thoughts tonight are I'm in love... she maybe 3000 miles away, but at least I'm in love...
I usually don't say when I'm out of town (Yes, I said out of town) because I always paranoid that someone might figure out who I am and torch my house down, but now I want people to burn it down so go ahead, I'm out of town.
Anyways... I'm thinking of song that someone out there recomended to me about a year ago. I don't remember the title or the artist, but the lyrics are ringing pretty clear:
This is a time in my life where everything
Is falling a part and at the same time is all coming together
Next week I work... a lot. Even with extra hours, I will not make enough money for school next year. I think I should just find my spot where Spadina meets the Gardiner and just start begging now because it looks like my future is ending up there. No, no negativity... I need positive thoughts. My latest positive thought - Mya... she's really cute.
I was such a guy today... not gay at all really. I played basketball, watched the NBA finals, and enjoyed Mya's new video... of course, I did buy a Buttercup alarm clock. Why does my Powerpuff Girl alarm clock play "Under the sea" from the Little Mermaid? It makes no sense...
Alas, my final thoughts tonight are I'm in love... she maybe 3000 miles away, but at least I'm in love...
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Abnormalcy
A friend of mine just sent me a "Normalcy test" via e-mail. I took it and failed... long story short, the end asks to think of a tool and a colour. I said screwdriver and grey. 98 percent of people say "Red Hammer"... So I'm once again a weirdo.
A friend of mine just sent me a "Normalcy test" via e-mail. I took it and failed... long story short, the end asks to think of a tool and a colour. I said screwdriver and grey. 98 percent of people say "Red Hammer"... So I'm once again a weirdo.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Sleep
I've decided to fall asleep with my headphones on... I'm sick of my ears being raped at work by 104.5 Chum FM...
I've decided to fall asleep with my headphones on... I'm sick of my ears being raped at work by 104.5 Chum FM...
Scream At The Top of My Lungs
My cousin graduated Elementary school two years ago and his class song was "Life" by Our Lady Peace. Last year, his younger brother graduated and his song was "Alive" by POD. This year, another cousin is graduating, this time it's from high school. His class song? "No Such Thing" by John Mayer.
My class song elementary school? None. High school? None. I really hate where I grew up and hate the fact that I'm still here even more. As I watched every episode of Dawson's Creek over the last few months (though it seems like an eternity ago), it always made me think of myself and where I might go with my life. Joey always dreamt of leaving Capeside for a better place instead of being destined to live a life of working in retail. Dawson always had his dreams of Spielberg porportions. But Jen never really wanted to live big. She wanted to get away from living big and hectic. Same goes for Jack. So who would I see myself as if I lived on the creek? Pacey... the dreamer with no particular dreams. The one that wanted it all but had no idea how to get it. He was the funny one, the clever one, the noble one... and in the end what did he get? He got the girl. All he got was the girl. A year ago, I would probably be happy if all I got was the girl. But is that all he needs? At the end of the show, he got the girl, but what happens to himself? Does he play the Ronnie to her Nancy? Sonny to her Cher? Ringo to her rest of the Beatles?
I think in my life right now, I have to find something other than my Joey. I have my Joey. She's great and funny and pretty and smart and beautiful and hilarious and my best friend... I just sometimes don't know how easy it will be to get to her. Actually, I know exactly how easy it will be to get to her... it won't. It will be hard. But I know I have to make it to her... if not make it to her, then at least try. There are no garauntees in life. There's effort and endurance and determination, but sometimes things don't happen... it makes me sad to say that, but it sometimes is true. But with that said, there's always effort and determination and I like to think if you put enough of that into something, you can make a major dent into fatalism.
What am I trying to say today? I'm really not sure. I think I'm saying that I have to get out of here and she is where I want to be. I think I'm saying that I want to be a part of her life. It might be scary to move to different city, a different country, a different world... and would I miss where I am? Of course... I'll miss my cousins and the familiarity of everything... but would I regret leaving it? Not for a second because... well, just because.
Have you ever wanted something so bad that that's all you see? I feel that way right now... and maybe it's time I take a little step back and instead of seeing what I want, I have to find a way to get there because the way things are now, I'm not sure if I'll get there. I'm really just sitting around and hoping things fall into place. I'm not working hard enough. I'm not putting in enough effort. I'm not feeling determined as I should. And it's not that I don't want it so badly. It's that sometimes it feels like a lot...
Anyone know that song "If I Had A Million Dollars?" by the Bare Naked Ladies, who I hope to see at the Bayfestival if anyone wants to come with me (Foo Fighters, Blink, Sum 41, and Cheap Trick are also playing)? I often think that if I just had some money, my entrie life would be better. I'm not even asking for a million dollars. Not even half of that. And not even half of that. And not even half of that. If I had maybe, I don't know, fifty thousand dollars then I'd be set... not forever, just for now. If I had that much, I would have something. I know, I can't just pray for money and it will just show up on my doorstep (because good has ever shown up on my doorstep), but I'm just saying that it would be nice. People I know, almost everyone I know that's gone to higher learning, all have moved on res, or got an apartment, some people even have houses... and me, I'm still at home and in the same room I've been living in since the age of five. It just makes me sad knowing that most of the unhappiness in my life basically comes to the fact that I don't have enough money to buy my future... that my parents didn't save up for my education... that money really makes the world go 'round.
Anyways, I'm sure if I had the money then I'd have something else to bitch about because I'm such a bitch...
Well, there's another long-winded rant. Good night for now.
My cousin graduated Elementary school two years ago and his class song was "Life" by Our Lady Peace. Last year, his younger brother graduated and his song was "Alive" by POD. This year, another cousin is graduating, this time it's from high school. His class song? "No Such Thing" by John Mayer.
My class song elementary school? None. High school? None. I really hate where I grew up and hate the fact that I'm still here even more. As I watched every episode of Dawson's Creek over the last few months (though it seems like an eternity ago), it always made me think of myself and where I might go with my life. Joey always dreamt of leaving Capeside for a better place instead of being destined to live a life of working in retail. Dawson always had his dreams of Spielberg porportions. But Jen never really wanted to live big. She wanted to get away from living big and hectic. Same goes for Jack. So who would I see myself as if I lived on the creek? Pacey... the dreamer with no particular dreams. The one that wanted it all but had no idea how to get it. He was the funny one, the clever one, the noble one... and in the end what did he get? He got the girl. All he got was the girl. A year ago, I would probably be happy if all I got was the girl. But is that all he needs? At the end of the show, he got the girl, but what happens to himself? Does he play the Ronnie to her Nancy? Sonny to her Cher? Ringo to her rest of the Beatles?
I think in my life right now, I have to find something other than my Joey. I have my Joey. She's great and funny and pretty and smart and beautiful and hilarious and my best friend... I just sometimes don't know how easy it will be to get to her. Actually, I know exactly how easy it will be to get to her... it won't. It will be hard. But I know I have to make it to her... if not make it to her, then at least try. There are no garauntees in life. There's effort and endurance and determination, but sometimes things don't happen... it makes me sad to say that, but it sometimes is true. But with that said, there's always effort and determination and I like to think if you put enough of that into something, you can make a major dent into fatalism.
What am I trying to say today? I'm really not sure. I think I'm saying that I have to get out of here and she is where I want to be. I think I'm saying that I want to be a part of her life. It might be scary to move to different city, a different country, a different world... and would I miss where I am? Of course... I'll miss my cousins and the familiarity of everything... but would I regret leaving it? Not for a second because... well, just because.
Have you ever wanted something so bad that that's all you see? I feel that way right now... and maybe it's time I take a little step back and instead of seeing what I want, I have to find a way to get there because the way things are now, I'm not sure if I'll get there. I'm really just sitting around and hoping things fall into place. I'm not working hard enough. I'm not putting in enough effort. I'm not feeling determined as I should. And it's not that I don't want it so badly. It's that sometimes it feels like a lot...
Anyone know that song "If I Had A Million Dollars?" by the Bare Naked Ladies, who I hope to see at the Bayfestival if anyone wants to come with me (Foo Fighters, Blink, Sum 41, and Cheap Trick are also playing)? I often think that if I just had some money, my entrie life would be better. I'm not even asking for a million dollars. Not even half of that. And not even half of that. And not even half of that. If I had maybe, I don't know, fifty thousand dollars then I'd be set... not forever, just for now. If I had that much, I would have something. I know, I can't just pray for money and it will just show up on my doorstep (because good has ever shown up on my doorstep), but I'm just saying that it would be nice. People I know, almost everyone I know that's gone to higher learning, all have moved on res, or got an apartment, some people even have houses... and me, I'm still at home and in the same room I've been living in since the age of five. It just makes me sad knowing that most of the unhappiness in my life basically comes to the fact that I don't have enough money to buy my future... that my parents didn't save up for my education... that money really makes the world go 'round.
Anyways, I'm sure if I had the money then I'd have something else to bitch about because I'm such a bitch...
Well, there's another long-winded rant. Good night for now.
Jinkies
Velma has made her way onto my guitar. I've been thinking of remodeling my old, black Ibanez guitar and I've even been thinking of selling my Fender Strat. Yes, my pretty purple strat might be on sale. Why? I don't know... Anyone out there see Ghost World? Well, I really need money and everything must go... but I'll probably end not selling anything because of sentimental bullshit. But I will gladly sell my parents because I do not have much feelings for them. I'll give them away (or best offer).
As of my guitar, I've been thinking of ripping off Rivers and getting two humbuckers... but if I do that, all my stickers on my plate would have to get replaced. So, maybe not.
Guitars... in many ways, guitar is my life. A lot of the time, I have nothing else to turn to but my guitars. I sleep with them, I sit with them, I touch them... they're great. But I must let some of them go.
I'm bored... I'm the chairman of the bored.
Velma has made her way onto my guitar. I've been thinking of remodeling my old, black Ibanez guitar and I've even been thinking of selling my Fender Strat. Yes, my pretty purple strat might be on sale. Why? I don't know... Anyone out there see Ghost World? Well, I really need money and everything must go... but I'll probably end not selling anything because of sentimental bullshit. But I will gladly sell my parents because I do not have much feelings for them. I'll give them away (or best offer).
As of my guitar, I've been thinking of ripping off Rivers and getting two humbuckers... but if I do that, all my stickers on my plate would have to get replaced. So, maybe not.
Guitars... in many ways, guitar is my life. A lot of the time, I have nothing else to turn to but my guitars. I sleep with them, I sit with them, I touch them... they're great. But I must let some of them go.
I'm bored... I'm the chairman of the bored.
Show Me That Smile Again
I often wonder about myself. I think if I've peaked as a human being. Is this it? Will I mature at all? Will I become a better person? A better student? A better son? A better brother? A better (fill in the blank)?
Blogger has been down all night... and so have I...
I often wonder about myself. I think if I've peaked as a human being. Is this it? Will I mature at all? Will I become a better person? A better student? A better son? A better brother? A better (fill in the blank)?
Blogger has been down all night... and so have I...
Monday, June 09, 2003
Before Sunrise
I'm in need of my favourite movies yet I've lent them out... all of my movies are gone except for Josie and the Pussycats and I'm not in a Josie kind of mood. Why need clever ramblings, pop culture references, Big Gulp references... I'm not in the greatest of moods.
My cousin is graduating high school on Thursday. It's weird, part of me still thinks like he's nive and I'm twelve though we've both been driving for some time, he's gone drinking many a time and I'm sporting a beard, I always keep the feelings that we're kids. I think I always will...
What's my age again? Where is my asian friend?
A few people think of me when this line is sung, but someone particularly comes to mind... she is my love... things are going to change for us soon, again. Why does it have to be so difficult? Why can't we just have a bit of happiness? Of course we can't...
Well, back on the topic of my beard, I keep getting the reference to Sam Roberts. The honest truth is, I'm too lazy to shave. I think I will though. My cousin's grad and all... and I've also had this where if I feel bad, I try to look better. I feel that now... I don't feel that bad though... just a little sad.
I'm in need of my favourite movies yet I've lent them out... all of my movies are gone except for Josie and the Pussycats and I'm not in a Josie kind of mood. Why need clever ramblings, pop culture references, Big Gulp references... I'm not in the greatest of moods.
My cousin is graduating high school on Thursday. It's weird, part of me still thinks like he's nive and I'm twelve though we've both been driving for some time, he's gone drinking many a time and I'm sporting a beard, I always keep the feelings that we're kids. I think I always will...
What's my age again? Where is my asian friend?
A few people think of me when this line is sung, but someone particularly comes to mind... she is my love... things are going to change for us soon, again. Why does it have to be so difficult? Why can't we just have a bit of happiness? Of course we can't...
Well, back on the topic of my beard, I keep getting the reference to Sam Roberts. The honest truth is, I'm too lazy to shave. I think I will though. My cousin's grad and all... and I've also had this where if I feel bad, I try to look better. I feel that now... I don't feel that bad though... just a little sad.
Saturday, June 07, 2003
It Was the Worst of Times...
So I finally had the inevitable showdown with my father today. I called him a bad father... You know those moments when you say something and then later feel you shouldn't. I get that all of the time, but today, I do not feel that whatsoever. Not for a moment. I am proud of myself today. I love myself today, not like yesterday. I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm gonna be okay. Oh why did Bif Naked dye her hair blond?
The worst thing ever is going to happen within the next few weeks... I don't even want to think about it. There is no emoticon to express my emotion over the whole thing...
So I finally had the inevitable showdown with my father today. I called him a bad father... You know those moments when you say something and then later feel you shouldn't. I get that all of the time, but today, I do not feel that whatsoever. Not for a moment. I am proud of myself today. I love myself today, not like yesterday. I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm gonna be okay. Oh why did Bif Naked dye her hair blond?
The worst thing ever is going to happen within the next few weeks... I don't even want to think about it. There is no emoticon to express my emotion over the whole thing...
Friday, June 06, 2003
The Love I'm Searching For
I don’t think I’ll find the love I want
The love I’m searching for in this machine oh
The systems failed all the circuits blown
And the message lost in this machine oh
Try all the codes all possibilities
All combinations but still nothing oh
Call for backup from my assistants but
No one seems to know anything oh
Disconnect shut the main reactor down
And separate from this technology oh
I try, you know I try, I try
Hard as it may be, I know you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all right
I still believe you should be with me
I don’t think I’ll find the love I want
The love I’m searching for in this machine oh
I try, you know I try, I try
Hard as it may be, I know you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all right
I still believe you should be with me
I try, you know I try, I try
Hard as it may be, I know you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all right
I still believe you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all right
I still believe you should be with
Head over to Mattsharp.net for a beautiful acoustic version of the song.
I don’t think I’ll find the love I want
The love I’m searching for in this machine oh
The systems failed all the circuits blown
And the message lost in this machine oh
Try all the codes all possibilities
All combinations but still nothing oh
Call for backup from my assistants but
No one seems to know anything oh
Disconnect shut the main reactor down
And separate from this technology oh
I try, you know I try, I try
Hard as it may be, I know you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all right
I still believe you should be with me
I don’t think I’ll find the love I want
The love I’m searching for in this machine oh
I try, you know I try, I try
Hard as it may be, I know you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all right
I still believe you should be with me
I try, you know I try, I try
Hard as it may be, I know you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all right
I still believe you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all right
I still believe you should be with
Head over to Mattsharp.net for a beautiful acoustic version of the song.
Thursday, June 05, 2003
Running from the Jecho
Why couldn't the student assistance form have had that bottom option? Why can't life be funny sometimes?
Will you be living with your parent(s) during your 2003-2004 study period?
O Yes
O No
O Unfortunately
Why couldn't the student assistance form have had that bottom option? Why can't life be funny sometimes?
FUCK!!!
My ideal job of being Jess from Gilmore girls and dawning a blue smock everyday has fell through. I don't want to get into it... it's too sad. Please, OSAP, come through.
My ideal job of being Jess from Gilmore girls and dawning a blue smock everyday has fell through. I don't want to get into it... it's too sad. Please, OSAP, come through.
Wal-Mart!
Well, here's my one and only chance at money this summer... noooooooooooooooo! It's like it's do or die. I'm a little nervous. So nervous that my stomach hurts. Why? I don't know. The lady said I pretty much have the job, but the job itself scares me - late hours, perfect strangers, a buffer that will most likely have it's way with me. But I need this job. I need to make money. I need to go to school next year. I need something.
I'm listening to Dashboard and the words "On the way home this car is my confession. I think tonight I'll take the long way." I love that line. Honesty, I think, at its purest and finest happens at these moments...
Well, here's my one and only chance at money this summer... noooooooooooooooo! It's like it's do or die. I'm a little nervous. So nervous that my stomach hurts. Why? I don't know. The lady said I pretty much have the job, but the job itself scares me - late hours, perfect strangers, a buffer that will most likely have it's way with me. But I need this job. I need to make money. I need to go to school next year. I need something.
I'm listening to Dashboard and the words "On the way home this car is my confession. I think tonight I'll take the long way." I love that line. Honesty, I think, at its purest and finest happens at these moments...
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
Singing Me To Sleep
I really love the song "Dressed To Kill" by New Found Glory. Rachael Leigh Cook is in the video... hurray! But... the line "I miss you singing me to sleep," sticks out in my head right now. I do not know why, but it does... I wish I could be sung to sleep to right now.
I really love the song "Dressed To Kill" by New Found Glory. Rachael Leigh Cook is in the video... hurray! But... the line "I miss you singing me to sleep," sticks out in my head right now. I do not know why, but it does... I wish I could be sung to sleep to right now.
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
Normal?
On more than one occasion I have been called weird - family members, close friends, not close friends, girlfriends, imaginary friends... - they have all called me weird, added an "o" to that phrase, or have called me even worse. And that's okay. I will take that tag and not rip it off the cushion. It's fine with me. But what I wonder is what is considered normal. Okay, carrying a Powerpuff Girl at all times, being a member of the Tuuli Street team, and having a thing for Velma from Scooby-Doo are all abnormal, but what constitutes as normal nowadays?
See, I don't think that anyone is normal... at least, not anyone that I know. I'm thinking of the people in my life and I don't see much normalcy. Well, there's someone I'm thinking of who I can't think of any abnormalcies in... why are he and I friends? Anyways... I look to my family. NO normalcy there whatsoever. My brother sees a shrink and his the superiority complex that I can't stand for a second... plus no sense of humour at all. My mother is the most repressed person in the world (I cannot begin to count the skeletons). My father... the Jecho, don't even get me started on him. My youngest cousin has a lot of depression and rage inside of him. My other cousin has social problem. I can keep going with this... What I'm trying to say is, everyone has some traits that are weird or odd or queer... I may have a lot, but what difference does it make if I have two or a lot.
What I'm just try to ask is what is normal? And would anyone want to be that? Would anyone want to live their life eating bread and milk everyday and going to church every sunday. Is that normal (depending on religion)? I just wonder...
I will take my weirdo tag, just tell me what I need to be regular... aside from Metamucil.
On more than one occasion I have been called weird - family members, close friends, not close friends, girlfriends, imaginary friends... - they have all called me weird, added an "o" to that phrase, or have called me even worse. And that's okay. I will take that tag and not rip it off the cushion. It's fine with me. But what I wonder is what is considered normal. Okay, carrying a Powerpuff Girl at all times, being a member of the Tuuli Street team, and having a thing for Velma from Scooby-Doo are all abnormal, but what constitutes as normal nowadays?
See, I don't think that anyone is normal... at least, not anyone that I know. I'm thinking of the people in my life and I don't see much normalcy. Well, there's someone I'm thinking of who I can't think of any abnormalcies in... why are he and I friends? Anyways... I look to my family. NO normalcy there whatsoever. My brother sees a shrink and his the superiority complex that I can't stand for a second... plus no sense of humour at all. My mother is the most repressed person in the world (I cannot begin to count the skeletons). My father... the Jecho, don't even get me started on him. My youngest cousin has a lot of depression and rage inside of him. My other cousin has social problem. I can keep going with this... What I'm trying to say is, everyone has some traits that are weird or odd or queer... I may have a lot, but what difference does it make if I have two or a lot.
What I'm just try to ask is what is normal? And would anyone want to be that? Would anyone want to live their life eating bread and milk everyday and going to church every sunday. Is that normal (depending on religion)? I just wonder...
I will take my weirdo tag, just tell me what I need to be regular... aside from Metamucil.
A Year Ago
I'm sitting here listening to my favourite album of all time and I started reading my old journal. A year ago today I bought tickets to the Weezer concert. It seems like forever ago.
I got your e-mail, you got my MP3
I'm sitting here listening to my favourite album of all time and I started reading my old journal. A year ago today I bought tickets to the Weezer concert. It seems like forever ago.
I got your e-mail, you got my MP3
Life and Art
I sometimes forget that art often resembles real life. Much like Dawson would make movies about his days on the creek, many people recreate parts of their days on this invisible thing that doesn't exist, the internet. I read a few blogs and journals out there. A few I am friends with and others I have just stumbled upon. The ones I just stumbled upon, I find it odd to read. It's like a boring soap opera. Often, there are is nothing worth reading and nothing remotely of importance in the blog, but I continue to read. And sometimes bombshell is dropped and then you realize something, there is a person behind these words, these fonts, these ones and zeroes.
I often take comfort in other people's words, but sometimes they might predict my future. Sometimes I just like to read to ease my way through the pain in my life. I like to forget about the bad stuff in my life. There are problems... many problems, and I don't think there are plausible solutions sometimes. I could just up and run away from my problems and try forget about them, but they will always be there... sometimes running away isn't the answer, but in my case it definitely would answer somethings. I'm getting off track...
Has everyone seen the Truman Show? I was not a big fan of the film, but there was a scene that made me happy. There was a scene where Ed Harris (was it Ed Harris) talked about people watching Truman sleep and that would comfort them. I've had a lot of e-mails from my old site about how it was quite comforting to here my thoughts and feel my feelings. A lot of people said some of my ideas were weird, but none the less, they comforted people.
I often wonder if anything matters sometimes... I'd like to think it does.
I sometimes forget that art often resembles real life. Much like Dawson would make movies about his days on the creek, many people recreate parts of their days on this invisible thing that doesn't exist, the internet. I read a few blogs and journals out there. A few I am friends with and others I have just stumbled upon. The ones I just stumbled upon, I find it odd to read. It's like a boring soap opera. Often, there are is nothing worth reading and nothing remotely of importance in the blog, but I continue to read. And sometimes bombshell is dropped and then you realize something, there is a person behind these words, these fonts, these ones and zeroes.
I often take comfort in other people's words, but sometimes they might predict my future. Sometimes I just like to read to ease my way through the pain in my life. I like to forget about the bad stuff in my life. There are problems... many problems, and I don't think there are plausible solutions sometimes. I could just up and run away from my problems and try forget about them, but they will always be there... sometimes running away isn't the answer, but in my case it definitely would answer somethings. I'm getting off track...
Has everyone seen the Truman Show? I was not a big fan of the film, but there was a scene that made me happy. There was a scene where Ed Harris (was it Ed Harris) talked about people watching Truman sleep and that would comfort them. I've had a lot of e-mails from my old site about how it was quite comforting to here my thoughts and feel my feelings. A lot of people said some of my ideas were weird, but none the less, they comforted people.
I often wonder if anything matters sometimes... I'd like to think it does.
Monday, June 02, 2003
Blog Around the Clock
This is.... oh my... eight hundreth post today. I guess it's an over compensation for all the missed days I've had as of late. I think that this blog, Anti-Social Commentaries Version 2.1 has a feeling to it now. Its feeling is nothing like the first version which I'm still trying to fix up and have archived for you all to read. The first one I think was about one thing: Dreams. All I would do is dream. There was hardly any life to the old one all. I'd occasionally write about an experience, but I usually wrote about my thoughts on things in general opposed to the little things that make up life. This time around, I think I'm writting more about my relationships and my experiences... not that there are many of those. I writing about my family more. I'm writing about actual people within my life. I'm still dreaming... I dream all the time, but I think they're dying down now and I'm realizing that I can't live my life on hope. I can't just live my life and hope that it all works out. I can give my usual Weezer Mikey Welsh-era quote, but I won't today.
I feel like watching Reality Bites, but I lent it to my cousin so he can "Work" on his ISU... I have hankering for something else now. I want to see something new. Perhaps Amelie... I'll rent that tomorrow. I also really want to go to the movies and not just see the Matrix Reloaded. I find it sad that most of my favourite movies were not and will never be viewed in a theatre. Maybe I should become the president so I can get my own screening room?
Hmm... I just feel like talking and spreading my thoughts some times. Are they important? Not at all... but I share sometimes... Eat my brains.
This is.... oh my... eight hundreth post today. I guess it's an over compensation for all the missed days I've had as of late. I think that this blog, Anti-Social Commentaries Version 2.1 has a feeling to it now. Its feeling is nothing like the first version which I'm still trying to fix up and have archived for you all to read. The first one I think was about one thing: Dreams. All I would do is dream. There was hardly any life to the old one all. I'd occasionally write about an experience, but I usually wrote about my thoughts on things in general opposed to the little things that make up life. This time around, I think I'm writting more about my relationships and my experiences... not that there are many of those. I writing about my family more. I'm writing about actual people within my life. I'm still dreaming... I dream all the time, but I think they're dying down now and I'm realizing that I can't live my life on hope. I can't just live my life and hope that it all works out. I can give my usual Weezer Mikey Welsh-era quote, but I won't today.
I feel like watching Reality Bites, but I lent it to my cousin so he can "Work" on his ISU... I have hankering for something else now. I want to see something new. Perhaps Amelie... I'll rent that tomorrow. I also really want to go to the movies and not just see the Matrix Reloaded. I find it sad that most of my favourite movies were not and will never be viewed in a theatre. Maybe I should become the president so I can get my own screening room?
Hmm... I just feel like talking and spreading my thoughts some times. Are they important? Not at all... but I share sometimes... Eat my brains.
Bored...
... Wishing she'd sign on
... Want to play NBA Street Vol. 2 for XBOX
... Wondering if I will like Matrix Reloaded on the IMAX
... Hoping my brother doesn't bring his girlfriend
... PisT off at my computer because the sound isn't working well
... Writing top five lists a la High Fidelity
Top five songs:
1) Across the Sea - Weezer
2) Perfect Sonnet - Bright Eyes
3) Lovesong - the Cure
4) Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional
5)Regulate - Warren G Population: Us - Dr Frank
Movies:
1) Reality Bites
2) Before Sunrise
3) Forrest Gump
4) Ghost World
5) Chasing Amy
TV Shows:
1) Simpsons
2) Seinfeld
3) Newsradio
4) Behind the Music (Or anything like it)
5) WWF Raw
Foods:
1) Poutine
2) Mint Chocolate chip Ice Cream
3) Fried rice
4) Lasagne (La-sag-knee)
5) Chicken Whopper (Far too expensive though)
Musicians
1) Dave Grohl
2) Mike Dirnt
3) Rivers Cuomo
4) Paul McCartney
5) Matt Sharpe
Possesions:
1) My Ibanez guitar
2) My Fender Strat
3) My Epiphone Acoustic
4) Buttercup
5) Laptop (Piece of crap)
Albums:
1) Pinkerton - Weezer
2) Nimrod - Green Day
3) Unplugged - Nirvana
4) Revenge is Sweet and so are you - Mr T Epxerience
5) Show Business is my life - Dr Frank
That's all I can think up right now.
... Wishing she'd sign on
... Want to play NBA Street Vol. 2 for XBOX
... Wondering if I will like Matrix Reloaded on the IMAX
... Hoping my brother doesn't bring his girlfriend
... PisT off at my computer because the sound isn't working well
... Writing top five lists a la High Fidelity
Top five songs:
1) Across the Sea - Weezer
2) Perfect Sonnet - Bright Eyes
3) Lovesong - the Cure
4) Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional
5)
Movies:
1) Reality Bites
2) Before Sunrise
3) Forrest Gump
4) Ghost World
5) Chasing Amy
TV Shows:
1) Simpsons
2) Seinfeld
3) Newsradio
4) Behind the Music (Or anything like it)
5) WWF Raw
Foods:
1) Poutine
2) Mint Chocolate chip Ice Cream
3) Fried rice
4) Lasagne (La-sag-knee)
5) Chicken Whopper (Far too expensive though)
Musicians
1) Dave Grohl
2) Mike Dirnt
3) Rivers Cuomo
4) Paul McCartney
5) Matt Sharpe
Possesions:
1) My Ibanez guitar
2) My Fender Strat
3) My Epiphone Acoustic
4) Buttercup
5) Laptop (Piece of crap)
Albums:
1) Pinkerton - Weezer
2) Nimrod - Green Day
3) Unplugged - Nirvana
4) Revenge is Sweet and so are you - Mr T Epxerience
5) Show Business is my life - Dr Frank
That's all I can think up right now.
Hey Jealousy
The power of sugestion is a powerful thing. I was just at joy.blogspot.com, a blog that I really enjoy reading, and she mentions the song "Hey Jealousy" by the Gin Blossoms. I now have this want to pull out all my old Gin Blossom CDs (all two of them). The band really impacted my young life. They hit it big when I like ten and I loved them so much. Hey Jealousy, Alison Road, Found Out About You... and then, much later, the song that played a part in my falling in love with Liv Tyler, 'Til I Hear It From You. On A Side Note, Liv Tyler has put on a lot of weight, but she's still gorgeous... guess I'm not gay, hurray!!!
The power of sugestion is a powerful thing. I was just at joy.blogspot.com, a blog that I really enjoy reading, and she mentions the song "Hey Jealousy" by the Gin Blossoms. I now have this want to pull out all my old Gin Blossom CDs (all two of them). The band really impacted my young life. They hit it big when I like ten and I loved them so much. Hey Jealousy, Alison Road, Found Out About You... and then, much later, the song that played a part in my falling in love with Liv Tyler, 'Til I Hear It From You. On A Side Note, Liv Tyler has put on a lot of weight, but she's still gorgeous... guess I'm not gay, hurray!!!
My Life
I'd like to take this time to apologize. Apologize to all four or five of you that read this, and most importantly, myself. All I do is bitch and complain on this website, and it's almost always about my parents. The people who brought me into this world are the people I hate the most. I guess that's why I hate my life so much. But I'm trying to get away from making statements like that. In all honesty, I'm not that sad of an individual. There are many moments in my life where I feel good, if not great about myself. There are those mid-day hours where I speak to the most fabulous person in the world. There are the weekends when I hang out with my cousins. There are times when I hang out with friends who I haven't seen in a long time and we just talk and catch up. There are times of greatness. This weekend for example. On Friday my girlfriend and I chatted all afternoon and went on for like an hour about how funny fonts and emoticons are. Then, I went to my cousin's house, had chinese food at his friend's house (who is oddly kind of related to me). I charmed his friends with my knowledge on Dawson's Creek and Gilmore Girls. The next day, I did not sleep. For the first time in my life, I spen the whole night without sleep. My cousin and I spent the entire evening playing NBA Street Vol. 2 for XBOX. And after spending the entire night up, I went straight to work for eight hours and then caught a show downtown. A show as in a musical concert, not a movie.
The show was actually really really good. I'm starting to fall in love with Horseshoe Tavern. Dr. Frank was still the best thing ever, but last night was really great... Brendan Benson and his opener Mathew Barber (I kept hearing Mathew Broderick). But it was weird watching Brendan Benson. Why? Because the whole night I had my eyes on his keyboard player. There was something about him that just had my eyes set on him. It was really fun to watch him because for a good portion he was just playing tambourine and shakers and singing back-ups, but he just seemed so happy doing what he was doing. It was quite inspiring to be quite honest.
Well, here's the catch to my life. I went out and had a good time on the weekend, and the moment I got home I got shit from my parents... my father mainly, but he's the one that conveys my repressed mother's emotions. So I walk into the house and my dad asks me questions about the night and I answer them. And he asks me "Are you telling the truth?" All I can think is why would I be lying about seeing a concert. What did he think I was doing? I should have told him, "No, I'm not telling the truth. I took a plane to see my girlfriend for three minutes and flew back home so I wouldn't get in trouble." Or I could have told him that I was doing heroine at the side of the house all weekend and spent sunday night coming down from my high and waiting for the holes in my veins to heal up.
It just makes me sick how I can have a good or great time and then THEY can bring me down so quickly. I sometimes like to think that they enjoy shooting me off my clouds. In the house where no one says I love you, I didn't even get a handshake for my birthday What-ever. I just thought I'd share that line.
AnyWHO... in closing for now I'd like to say that I really want shakers and a tambourine... but nothing living though for I can't even take care of a Chia Pet. Until next time where I will impress you with a story of the death of my grandfather and a chia pet.
A boy and girl are walking down the streets of Toronto.
Girl: Hearing you talk about your parents makes me appreciate mine more.
Boy: Well, they make me appreciate yours more too.
I'd like to take this time to apologize. Apologize to all four or five of you that read this, and most importantly, myself. All I do is bitch and complain on this website, and it's almost always about my parents. The people who brought me into this world are the people I hate the most. I guess that's why I hate my life so much. But I'm trying to get away from making statements like that. In all honesty, I'm not that sad of an individual. There are many moments in my life where I feel good, if not great about myself. There are those mid-day hours where I speak to the most fabulous person in the world. There are the weekends when I hang out with my cousins. There are times when I hang out with friends who I haven't seen in a long time and we just talk and catch up. There are times of greatness. This weekend for example. On Friday my girlfriend and I chatted all afternoon and went on for like an hour about how funny fonts and emoticons are. Then, I went to my cousin's house, had chinese food at his friend's house (who is oddly kind of related to me). I charmed his friends with my knowledge on Dawson's Creek and Gilmore Girls. The next day, I did not sleep. For the first time in my life, I spen the whole night without sleep. My cousin and I spent the entire evening playing NBA Street Vol. 2 for XBOX. And after spending the entire night up, I went straight to work for eight hours and then caught a show downtown. A show as in a musical concert, not a movie.
The show was actually really really good. I'm starting to fall in love with Horseshoe Tavern. Dr. Frank was still the best thing ever, but last night was really great... Brendan Benson and his opener Mathew Barber (I kept hearing Mathew Broderick). But it was weird watching Brendan Benson. Why? Because the whole night I had my eyes on his keyboard player. There was something about him that just had my eyes set on him. It was really fun to watch him because for a good portion he was just playing tambourine and shakers and singing back-ups, but he just seemed so happy doing what he was doing. It was quite inspiring to be quite honest.
Well, here's the catch to my life. I went out and had a good time on the weekend, and the moment I got home I got shit from my parents... my father mainly, but he's the one that conveys my repressed mother's emotions. So I walk into the house and my dad asks me questions about the night and I answer them. And he asks me "Are you telling the truth?" All I can think is why would I be lying about seeing a concert. What did he think I was doing? I should have told him, "No, I'm not telling the truth. I took a plane to see my girlfriend for three minutes and flew back home so I wouldn't get in trouble." Or I could have told him that I was doing heroine at the side of the house all weekend and spent sunday night coming down from my high and waiting for the holes in my veins to heal up.
It just makes me sick how I can have a good or great time and then THEY can bring me down so quickly. I sometimes like to think that they enjoy shooting me off my clouds. In the house where no one says I love you, I didn't even get a handshake for my birthday What-ever. I just thought I'd share that line.
AnyWHO... in closing for now I'd like to say that I really want shakers and a tambourine... but nothing living though for I can't even take care of a Chia Pet. Until next time where I will impress you with a story of the death of my grandfather and a chia pet.
