anti-social commentaries version 2.1
Saturday, August 30, 2003
I Would Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Be Me
One of my most hated things about my job is the long hours. Today is a great example of that. I worked from 12:30 - 9, which feels a lot longer than the 8 and a half hours it actually is. I spent the entire putting crap out from the backroom. I don't just mean some crap or a bunch or crap... I mean a lot of crap. So much of it. 324 bottles of the "Daily Defense" shampoo / conditioner line (which is basically the lowest end Clairol hair product available). Then exactly 60 bottles of Sunlight dishwashing liquid. Then 96 Degree products and about 192 tubes of Crest. Do you see how board one gets when the funniest thing to think about is the exact number of products are boring.
The radio station we listen to at work, Chum 104.5, is having "The Lost 80's Long Weekend". Every song reminds me of someone... bastards! Speaking of 80's weekend, it's like, "Hello? The Cure were one of the few relevant bands of the decade. Why have I not heard one song by them? Or REM?"
But the worst part of my day was this song I wrote. Actually, I should say wrote because I didn't get to write it down. I had this melody in my head around 1, 1:30, and then throughout the day I lost the melody and lyrics I had in my head. I hate days like this. Ya know, today. I hate today.
One of my most hated things about my job is the long hours. Today is a great example of that. I worked from 12:30 - 9, which feels a lot longer than the 8 and a half hours it actually is. I spent the entire putting crap out from the backroom. I don't just mean some crap or a bunch or crap... I mean a lot of crap. So much of it. 324 bottles of the "Daily Defense" shampoo / conditioner line (which is basically the lowest end Clairol hair product available). Then exactly 60 bottles of Sunlight dishwashing liquid. Then 96 Degree products and about 192 tubes of Crest. Do you see how board one gets when the funniest thing to think about is the exact number of products are boring.
The radio station we listen to at work, Chum 104.5, is having "The Lost 80's Long Weekend". Every song reminds me of someone... bastards! Speaking of 80's weekend, it's like, "Hello? The Cure were one of the few relevant bands of the decade. Why have I not heard one song by them? Or REM?"
But the worst part of my day was this song I wrote. Actually, I should say wrote because I didn't get to write it down. I had this melody in my head around 1, 1:30, and then throughout the day I lost the melody and lyrics I had in my head. I hate days like this. Ya know, today. I hate today.
Before I Go To Bed
Sometimes
Always
I lose myself
And she finds me in the mess
A life that I call theirs
It is not mine
For no one wishes torture
Like this
On an enemy
Or themselves
But she saves me from the crash
Accidents that scar
Bruise
And can be fatal
Somtimes
Always
I lose myself in the moment
Like a sunrise
A reflection
A Coke Machine's glow
I sense them with my eyes
But I find her in my ears
When it's her voice that I hear
Sometimes
Always
I lose myself
And she finds me in the mess
A life that I call theirs
It is not mine
For no one wishes torture
Like this
On an enemy
Or themselves
But she saves me from the crash
Accidents that scar
Bruise
And can be fatal
Somtimes
Always
I lose myself in the moment
Like a sunrise
A reflection
A Coke Machine's glow
I sense them with my eyes
But I find her in my ears
When it's her voice that I hear
I Hate People
There are some people I just don't like. People who can judge someone or something within an instant and think that they understand it. Like those punk rock kids that spray their or have star tattoos. Those artsy brats that think they're so above everyone because they know of "Run Lola Run" and listen to Radio. Or Psyche majors who think they're of sound mind when in actuality they just want to solve their own problems.
A conversation comes to mind from a while ago between myself and an employee at HMV
Most people that call themself "Punk" or "Punk Rock" just pisses me off. Why? Well, I'll tell you why. Punk was some form of music made thirty years ago, it was a scene, a style of music, and a fashion that ultimately became a way of life. All throughout high school everyone assumed I was a "Punk Rocker". It always angered me. Why me? Just because I liked MTX and the Ramones and for awhile had a Sex Pistols obsession doesn't mean I'm "punk". People would always ask me, in a non-joking way, "Why don't you die your hair?" And I'd always say, "I think it's pretty gay."
What am I trying to say? I think I'm basically saying that I don't want to fit into any rut or narrow mindedness like some people are. What sparked this little rant? Well... I talked to my "friend" for awhile on the phone, bashing my head in with the receiver as she went on about nothing, as I listened to "The Love I'm Searching For" by The Rentals. "What's that she asked?" And I said "The Rentals". "It sucks," she replied. She heard about a second of it through the phone and said "It sucks". Whatever.
I am not of narrow mind. There's definitely a sound and content and so on that definitely impresses me and I enjoy above others, but I don't close my mind off to art or film or music or television or people because of what they do or where they came from or who their parents are. If people judged me by my parents I would not have on ally on this earth. And I don't believe in the idea of "Bad Taste" because different things taste different people. No one is right. Who gives a fuck if "Fight Club" is post-modernist beauty? You know, sometimes I feel like "The Wedding Singer" and watching Steve Buschemi yell "Best Guitar player in the world. Self taught, no lessons." And "Perfect Sonnet" by Bright Eyes might be the most beautiful piece of music ever recorded, but sometimes I get in the mood to listen to "To Be With You" by Mr. Big.
I'm not saying that Artsy stuff is better or worse than low-brop crap. I'm just saying that if your life looking for something inparticular, you might miss something else something more beautiful. Take that as you will... I will end with a song.
Move, Bitch! Get out the way! Get out the way, Bitch! Get out the way!
There are some people I just don't like. People who can judge someone or something within an instant and think that they understand it. Like those punk rock kids that spray their or have star tattoos. Those artsy brats that think they're so above everyone because they know of "Run Lola Run" and listen to Radio. Or Psyche majors who think they're of sound mind when in actuality they just want to solve their own problems.
A conversation comes to mind from a while ago between myself and an employee at HMV
A Dreamer: Are you taking resumes?
Girl: Yea, we're always taking them but we're not really hiring.
(A Dreamer hands her his resume.)
Girl: Can you tell me you're favourite music?
A Dreamer: Like bands?
Girl: More like genre or style.
A Dreamer: Umm... umm... umm... I don't know. I really like Weezer and Green Day.
Girl: So punk?
A Dreamer: I guess. I don't know.
Girl: Let's just say punk.
Most people that call themself "Punk" or "Punk Rock" just pisses me off. Why? Well, I'll tell you why. Punk was some form of music made thirty years ago, it was a scene, a style of music, and a fashion that ultimately became a way of life. All throughout high school everyone assumed I was a "Punk Rocker". It always angered me. Why me? Just because I liked MTX and the Ramones and for awhile had a Sex Pistols obsession doesn't mean I'm "punk". People would always ask me, in a non-joking way, "Why don't you die your hair?" And I'd always say, "I think it's pretty gay."
What am I trying to say? I think I'm basically saying that I don't want to fit into any rut or narrow mindedness like some people are. What sparked this little rant? Well... I talked to my "friend" for awhile on the phone, bashing my head in with the receiver as she went on about nothing, as I listened to "The Love I'm Searching For" by The Rentals. "What's that she asked?" And I said "The Rentals". "It sucks," she replied. She heard about a second of it through the phone and said "It sucks". Whatever.
I am not of narrow mind. There's definitely a sound and content and so on that definitely impresses me and I enjoy above others, but I don't close my mind off to art or film or music or television or people because of what they do or where they came from or who their parents are. If people judged me by my parents I would not have on ally on this earth. And I don't believe in the idea of "Bad Taste" because different things taste different people. No one is right. Who gives a fuck if "Fight Club" is post-modernist beauty? You know, sometimes I feel like "The Wedding Singer" and watching Steve Buschemi yell "Best Guitar player in the world. Self taught, no lessons." And "Perfect Sonnet" by Bright Eyes might be the most beautiful piece of music ever recorded, but sometimes I get in the mood to listen to "To Be With You" by Mr. Big.
I'm not saying that Artsy stuff is better or worse than low-brop crap. I'm just saying that if your life looking for something inparticular, you might miss something else something more beautiful. Take that as you will... I will end with a song.
Move, Bitch! Get out the way! Get out the way, Bitch! Get out the way!
My Song
I didn't write this, Mr Cuomo did. I've been listening to it non-stop lately.
What's wrong with me?
I'm kind of funnny
I'm not a dummy
But I'm all alone
Nobody sees me
No one talks to me
Unless they're laughing
Laughing at me
Dancing with me,
She was my girlfriend.
Somebody, please, tell her for me,
“Wanda, you’re my only love.”
You’re so lucky
You’re family’s normal.
Mom drives a big rig;
My daddy’s gay.
No matter to her.
She was my true friend.
Dancing with me,
She was my girlfriend.
Somebody, please, tell her for me,
“Wanda, you’re my only love.”
Until the day I threw you away,
Now I’m alone, and I wish you were home.
Somebody, please, tell her for me,
“Wanda, you’re my only love.”
Until the day I threw you (her) away,
Now I’m alone, and I wish you were home.
I didn't write this, Mr Cuomo did. I've been listening to it non-stop lately.
What's wrong with me?
I'm kind of funnny
I'm not a dummy
But I'm all alone
Nobody sees me
No one talks to me
Unless they're laughing
Laughing at me
Dancing with me,
She was my girlfriend.
Somebody, please, tell her for me,
“Wanda, you’re my only love.”
You’re so lucky
You’re family’s normal.
Mom drives a big rig;
My daddy’s gay.
No matter to her.
She was my true friend.
Dancing with me,
She was my girlfriend.
Somebody, please, tell her for me,
“Wanda, you’re my only love.”
Until the day I threw you away,
Now I’m alone, and I wish you were home.
Somebody, please, tell her for me,
“Wanda, you’re my only love.”
Until the day I threw you (her) away,
Now I’m alone, and I wish you were home.
Friday, August 29, 2003
My Hero Blogs Too
Apparently Dr. Frank has a blog and has had a blog for quite some time. Bastard! How did I not stumble upon this earlier? I doubt that there is a bigger Dr. Frank fan than I. Of course I chicken-shitted when I met him and didn't have the balls to say two words to him. I'm quite excited about the new album. Probably more than Weezer's new album which I think says a lot. Check them out here:http://www.lookoutrecords.com/newMTX/
Apparently Dr. Frank has a blog and has had a blog for quite some time. Bastard! How did I not stumble upon this earlier? I doubt that there is a bigger Dr. Frank fan than I. Of course I chicken-shitted when I met him and didn't have the balls to say two words to him. I'm quite excited about the new album. Probably more than Weezer's new album which I think says a lot. Check them out here:http://www.lookoutrecords.com/newMTX/
Let's Say Hear
So I'm really enjoying this songwriting thing I'm going through right now. I'm not really inspired by anything or anyone right now. I'm just sort of writing songs in a way I know. In fact, I wrote one of the best songs I ever did last night. I call it "The Return of Blue". Why? It has a major Weezer/Rentals feel to it. With even some Cure and Ozma and Simple Plan influence. I really like the song. Quite, quite happy with it.
What's weird is I've always felt inferior as a songwriter... with just cause I think. See, I love music. I don't think anyone can really understand how much I love certain songs and pieces of music. And when I hear some songs and compare my stuff to them, my songs just feel like complete shit. I've been writting well lately though. I'm comparing the songs I've written lately to the songs that I love and hear influences but originality at the same time. But what I'm scared of right now is that my inferiority complex might start acting up again some time soon. Why? Well, within the next year, four of my favourite artists/bands are releasing new albums. Green Day is working on a new album. Matt Sharp's new album is already recorded. The Mr T Experience is all but done their first album since 1999. And Weezer is in the studio apparently writing the most emotional stuff they've ever done... I will so suck.
So I'm really enjoying this songwriting thing I'm going through right now. I'm not really inspired by anything or anyone right now. I'm just sort of writing songs in a way I know. In fact, I wrote one of the best songs I ever did last night. I call it "The Return of Blue". Why? It has a major Weezer/Rentals feel to it. With even some Cure and Ozma and Simple Plan influence. I really like the song. Quite, quite happy with it.
What's weird is I've always felt inferior as a songwriter... with just cause I think. See, I love music. I don't think anyone can really understand how much I love certain songs and pieces of music. And when I hear some songs and compare my stuff to them, my songs just feel like complete shit. I've been writting well lately though. I'm comparing the songs I've written lately to the songs that I love and hear influences but originality at the same time. But what I'm scared of right now is that my inferiority complex might start acting up again some time soon. Why? Well, within the next year, four of my favourite artists/bands are releasing new albums. Green Day is working on a new album. Matt Sharp's new album is already recorded. The Mr T Experience is all but done their first album since 1999. And Weezer is in the studio apparently writing the most emotional stuff they've ever done... I will so suck.
Thursday, August 28, 2003
New World Records
My favourite store in the history of space and time is New World Records. Many a good memory in that store. I bought my first album there with my own money. Anyone care to guess? Green Day - Dookie. Most of the CDs in my collection were purchased there - the Blue Album, Nirvana Unplugged, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness... ya da ya da ya da.
When I turned the ripe old age of 17, that last year of clinging on to your childhood, like I do on most birthdays, I went to the movies alone. One year I saw South Park, another year Notting Hill, another year Road Trip... that year, I don't remember what I wanted to watch, but I remember what came out - Star Wars Episode 1. I refused to be one of the million of geeks waiting in line for the first installment in the holy book to come out so I decided to walk to my favourite store. I really loved the store. Why? It was a used CD store so CDs cost five, sometimes ten dollars less than normal price. Secondly, the guys that ran the store recognized me and were actually nice to me. And finally, the store had a nice smell. I can't really explain it. It was on the top level of a two level little place in the "downtown" of my crappy town. Below the store was a beauty parlour so the smell was sort of a mixture between old vinyl and shaving cream... that's the best I could do.
I remember walking to the store that day with inner dialogue in my head. I had a back story in my head to tell the guy behind the counter of the store - "Yea, I just came from the movies. It's my fucking birthday and there was not one thing to watch." So when I finally go to the store the little complex was pitch dark. The downstairs level beauty parlour had been transformed into a tax office and the upstairs was pitch black. The store had gone under.
I often if my decline in purchasing CDs is a direct result of that store? I think it was. I would definitely buy CDs if they were cheaper and I had access to buying them. I really miss that place. Whenever you made a $10 purchase they would give you a $1 coupon which they called "New World Dolars". I still have a few of them. I wonder if it's accepted at Canadian Tire?
My favourite store in the history of space and time is New World Records. Many a good memory in that store. I bought my first album there with my own money. Anyone care to guess? Green Day - Dookie. Most of the CDs in my collection were purchased there - the Blue Album, Nirvana Unplugged, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness... ya da ya da ya da.
When I turned the ripe old age of 17, that last year of clinging on to your childhood, like I do on most birthdays, I went to the movies alone. One year I saw South Park, another year Notting Hill, another year Road Trip... that year, I don't remember what I wanted to watch, but I remember what came out - Star Wars Episode 1. I refused to be one of the million of geeks waiting in line for the first installment in the holy book to come out so I decided to walk to my favourite store. I really loved the store. Why? It was a used CD store so CDs cost five, sometimes ten dollars less than normal price. Secondly, the guys that ran the store recognized me and were actually nice to me. And finally, the store had a nice smell. I can't really explain it. It was on the top level of a two level little place in the "downtown" of my crappy town. Below the store was a beauty parlour so the smell was sort of a mixture between old vinyl and shaving cream... that's the best I could do.
I remember walking to the store that day with inner dialogue in my head. I had a back story in my head to tell the guy behind the counter of the store - "Yea, I just came from the movies. It's my fucking birthday and there was not one thing to watch." So when I finally go to the store the little complex was pitch dark. The downstairs level beauty parlour had been transformed into a tax office and the upstairs was pitch black. The store had gone under.
I often if my decline in purchasing CDs is a direct result of that store? I think it was. I would definitely buy CDs if they were cheaper and I had access to buying them. I really miss that place. Whenever you made a $10 purchase they would give you a $1 coupon which they called "New World Dolars". I still have a few of them. I wonder if it's accepted at Canadian Tire?
TV
I just thought I'd share my favourite shows:
1) Beat The Geeks - There's something wrong with you when you wake up early every morning (though I slept in today) so that you can watch a game show. But what really bugs the hell out of me is the fact that I usually win at this show. It's a game show in the same vain as Jeopardy, but there's a twist. All of the questions relate to pop culture - Music, TV, Movies. And instead of just facing other contestants, you also have to face off against "The Geeks" who are basically trivia masters at their respective areas. This morning, I totally killed the wrestling geek... anyways.
2) What I Like About You - From Geek to Gay, this is a sitcom starring the delightful Amanda Bynes and the former TV teen Jeanie Garth of 90210 fame. It's about two sister who live together, one a teenager, the other a mid twenties career woman. It's a really stupid and probably bad show, but I like it... a lot. I race home on sundays to watch it from 6-7. The TV geek would be quite unimpressed.
3) Family Guy - Still in love with this show. Why? Here's a quote that I love from the show "How can Santa be Asian? He doesn't drive in his sleigh twenty miles under the speed limit with his blinker on."
4) Gilmore Girls - The WB rules! Yesterday, a friend and I were talking at work and she was telling me about her plans after work (names have been changed) - "I don't know if I should go out with X and have him pick me up, or maybe I should call Y, but then I'd have to go all the way downtown." In response I said, "That's quite a dilema. My dilema is should I race home and watch the last half of Gilmore Girls or just watch it on a West Coast channel at midnight?"
5) Futurama - I didn't like this show when it first came out. I don't like it that much. It just reminds me of the Simpsons when it was a good show.
By the way, I really hate Reality TV. The Jecha is quite addicted to any Reality TV show. She quite enjoyed "All American Girl". Once while watching it I asked her "What's the point of this show? What do you get if you win?" "You become the All American Girl," Jecha replied. "But what does that mean?" I asked again. "It means you win." "Do you win any money?" "I don't know.
I just thought I'd share my favourite shows:
1) Beat The Geeks - There's something wrong with you when you wake up early every morning (though I slept in today) so that you can watch a game show. But what really bugs the hell out of me is the fact that I usually win at this show. It's a game show in the same vain as Jeopardy, but there's a twist. All of the questions relate to pop culture - Music, TV, Movies. And instead of just facing other contestants, you also have to face off against "The Geeks" who are basically trivia masters at their respective areas. This morning, I totally killed the wrestling geek... anyways.
2) What I Like About You - From Geek to Gay, this is a sitcom starring the delightful Amanda Bynes and the former TV teen Jeanie Garth of 90210 fame. It's about two sister who live together, one a teenager, the other a mid twenties career woman. It's a really stupid and probably bad show, but I like it... a lot. I race home on sundays to watch it from 6-7. The TV geek would be quite unimpressed.
3) Family Guy - Still in love with this show. Why? Here's a quote that I love from the show "How can Santa be Asian? He doesn't drive in his sleigh twenty miles under the speed limit with his blinker on."
4) Gilmore Girls - The WB rules! Yesterday, a friend and I were talking at work and she was telling me about her plans after work (names have been changed) - "I don't know if I should go out with X and have him pick me up, or maybe I should call Y, but then I'd have to go all the way downtown." In response I said, "That's quite a dilema. My dilema is should I race home and watch the last half of Gilmore Girls or just watch it on a West Coast channel at midnight?"
5) Futurama - I didn't like this show when it first came out. I don't like it that much. It just reminds me of the Simpsons when it was a good show.
By the way, I really hate Reality TV. The Jecha is quite addicted to any Reality TV show. She quite enjoyed "All American Girl". Once while watching it I asked her "What's the point of this show? What do you get if you win?" "You become the All American Girl," Jecha replied. "But what does that mean?" I asked again. "It means you win." "Do you win any money?" "I don't know.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
For You To Notice
I think I'm running out of material. I think I'll just let this post take me where it takes me.
So there's this girl... there's always been this girl... and there always be this girl. If you want me in your life you're going to have to understand that she comes along with that. And that she's i mportant. If I ever get married or even get into another "relationship" than you're just going to have understand that she's my best-friend and that I love her.
But anyways... anywho... what do I have to say? Umm... I don't know... I'm really running on an empty mind right now, which can be good sometimes. My room is a mess... I'm going to clean it. I'll end with a bad song:
I was gonna clean my room but then I got high. I was gonna get up and find the broom, but then I got high. My room is still messed up and I know why.. why man? Because I got high. Because I got high. Because I got high
I think I'm running out of material. I think I'll just let this post take me where it takes me.
So there's this girl... there's always been this girl... and there always be this girl. If you want me in your life you're going to have to understand that she comes along with that. And that she's i mportant. If I ever get married or even get into another "relationship" than you're just going to have understand that she's my best-friend and that I love her.
But anyways... anywho... what do I have to say? Umm... I don't know... I'm really running on an empty mind right now, which can be good sometimes. My room is a mess... I'm going to clean it. I'll end with a bad song:
I was gonna clean my room but then I got high. I was gonna get up and find the broom, but then I got high. My room is still messed up and I know why.. why man? Because I got high. Because I got high. Because I got high
Lazy
I've been a bit lazy with the site lately. Sorry, I guess. This is a site on my thoughts and so on, but I just haven't had the thoughts to think. I can't really explain what I'm feel lately. I'm not sad. I'm kind of happy. I guess I'm just fine.
What I really want to do is make a big Pop/Rock record. Forget about the songs I wrote awhile ago. Those are the sadder, more melodic songs that will be missunderstood and are "too artsy" for my own tastes. That set of songs is destined to be my "Pet Sounds", my "Sgt Pepper", and, dare I say, my "Pinkerton". I really just want to make some fun, upbeat, and layered songs about love and other catastrophes.
I've been a bit lazy with the site lately. Sorry, I guess. This is a site on my thoughts and so on, but I just haven't had the thoughts to think. I can't really explain what I'm feel lately. I'm not sad. I'm kind of happy. I guess I'm just fine.
What I really want to do is make a big Pop/Rock record. Forget about the songs I wrote awhile ago. Those are the sadder, more melodic songs that will be missunderstood and are "too artsy" for my own tastes. That set of songs is destined to be my "Pet Sounds", my "Sgt Pepper", and, dare I say, my "Pinkerton". I really just want to make some fun, upbeat, and layered songs about love and other catastrophes.
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
A Poem
A song rings through my ears
However far away...
... I will always love you
You cannot hear what I hear
You cannot see what I see
But you can feel my thoughts
Hear my screams
And live in my dreams
And maybe it's all impossible
To live in a world together again
You maybe with someone else
But you'll always be my girlfriend
La la la...
Di di di...
I can't wait
To make my dreams come true
And forget all I once heard
A song rings through my ears
However far away...
... I will always love you
You cannot hear what I hear
You cannot see what I see
But you can feel my thoughts
Hear my screams
And live in my dreams
And maybe it's all impossible
To live in a world together again
You maybe with someone else
But you'll always be my girlfriend
La la la...
Di di di...
I can't wait
To make my dreams come true
And forget all I once heard
Monday, August 25, 2003
You Wanna Get Into A Girl's Pants
This is like my favourite monolgue ever:
HOLDEN: I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd ever consider. But I can't do this any longer. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn't allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I'll accept that But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not suppress that - at least for ten minutes - and try to dwell in it before you dismiss it. There isn't another soul on this fucking planet who's ever made me the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me. You can't deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of you and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
This is like my favourite monolgue ever:
HOLDEN: I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd ever consider. But I can't do this any longer. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn't allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I'll accept that But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not suppress that - at least for ten minutes - and try to dwell in it before you dismiss it. There isn't another soul on this fucking planet who's ever made me the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me. You can't deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of you and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
Sunday, August 24, 2003
Chasing Amy
I'm in a major Chasing Amy mode right now. Been quite obsessed with it lately. Also, I feel like watching Wayne's World. I love when Garth is like "Guys, wait up. I fell on my keys."
I'm in a major Chasing Amy mode right now. Been quite obsessed with it lately. Also, I feel like watching Wayne's World. I love when Garth is like "Guys, wait up. I fell on my keys."
Nothing New
I can't write. Songs seem to sum me up pretty well lately. And this one is courtesy of Adam Sandler.
I wanna Grow Old With You
I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i wanna do, is grow old with you
I'll get you medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
So, it could be so nice growing old with you,....
I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh I could be the man that grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you.
I can't write. Songs seem to sum me up pretty well lately. And this one is courtesy of Adam Sandler.
I wanna Grow Old With You
I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i wanna do, is grow old with you
I'll get you medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
So, it could be so nice growing old with you,....
I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh I could be the man that grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you.
The Weekend
So I saw The Weekend on Friday. It's a pretty odd how I got into this band considering I don't get into most bands. They just happened to come into my life at the exact right moment at the exact right time. It was just over a year ago. I was really into the Cars and Weezer, and heard this local band on the radio one day at around 1:30 in the afternoon. This actually quite weird because I rarely ever listen to the radio. So I hear this song called "80's Rockstar" - female vocals and moog, two of my favourite things in music. And the song just stuck in my head.
So about a week later, I'm at work, working the especially long 12 - 9 shift on a Tuesday, I believe, and to kill time while pricing feminine douches and hemroid cream, I brought in my radio. The CD player died, the tape player kept turning on and off, and the only thing left was the radio. Live in Toronto, the night time show, is on the air, and guess who the special guests are? If you don't guess The Weekend then what are you? Some kind of moron?
A few weeks later, the band got a magical spot to open for my favourite band in the world Weezer, I bought a shirt at the show which came with the "Teaser" EP, and I've really liked the band ever since.
So I saw them live on Friday... They're just a fun, rock out, up-tempo band. Sometimes that's all you need.
So I saw The Weekend on Friday. It's a pretty odd how I got into this band considering I don't get into most bands. They just happened to come into my life at the exact right moment at the exact right time. It was just over a year ago. I was really into the Cars and Weezer, and heard this local band on the radio one day at around 1:30 in the afternoon. This actually quite weird because I rarely ever listen to the radio. So I hear this song called "80's Rockstar" - female vocals and moog, two of my favourite things in music. And the song just stuck in my head.
So about a week later, I'm at work, working the especially long 12 - 9 shift on a Tuesday, I believe, and to kill time while pricing feminine douches and hemroid cream, I brought in my radio. The CD player died, the tape player kept turning on and off, and the only thing left was the radio. Live in Toronto, the night time show, is on the air, and guess who the special guests are? If you don't guess The Weekend then what are you? Some kind of moron?
A few weeks later, the band got a magical spot to open for my favourite band in the world Weezer, I bought a shirt at the show which came with the "Teaser" EP, and I've really liked the band ever since.
So I saw them live on Friday... They're just a fun, rock out, up-tempo band. Sometimes that's all you need.
Friday, August 22, 2003
An Asian I Actually Like
"Hey hey hey I always wish I was with you... hurt me, you can kill me, whatever you wanna do" - Emm Gryner.
"Hey hey hey I always wish I was with you... hurt me, you can kill me, whatever you wanna do" - Emm Gryner.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
My Favourite Poem
This is my favourite poem from one of my favourite books "Hard Core Logo" by Michael Turner. It kind of reminds me of someone...
One of Billy's Girls
Had a girlfriend from Golden.
She was MIss Golden of something.
Came down to Vancouver
for the PNE pageant
and lost.
Badly.
Applied as a model,
but never got called.
Got a job at McDonald's,
then quit to go stipping.
I met her one summer
at the A-2 Cafe.
She was working the Five
right down the street.
Just the two of us talking,
laughing at dreams.
This is my favourite poem from one of my favourite books "Hard Core Logo" by Michael Turner. It kind of reminds me of someone...
One of Billy's Girls
Had a girlfriend from Golden.
She was MIss Golden of something.
Came down to Vancouver
for the PNE pageant
and lost.
Badly.
Applied as a model,
but never got called.
Got a job at McDonald's,
then quit to go stipping.
I met her one summer
at the A-2 Cafe.
She was working the Five
right down the street.
Just the two of us talking,
laughing at dreams.
Social Commentaries
I usually talk about topics happening within my life or just random thoughts I have that ultimately amount to nothing. Today, I think I'll talk the pressing topics that concern us all.
Gay Marriage: Who gives fuck who's fucking who? Seriously, if two people love each other then let them get married. Who cares if they share the same plumbing and wardrobe? As long as you're not marrying your pet dog or a 12 year old then it's fine with me. And you church goers who think that two men or women getting married is wrong, think back to when you first got married and I bet that not every person was %100 behind you. But you did it anyways. Why? Because you love this person. So Jean Cretien, don't fucking back down from these Bishops saying you're going to hell because of this decision. You're in the liberal party so it's time that you live up to that name.
The Terminator: Why would anyone vote for Arnold Schawanrearnar (who the hell knows how to spell that?) for governer? Seriously, he's an actor. Actually, he's not even an actor. He was a body builder. And Gary Coleman? He wasn't even an actor either. If I lived in the great state of California, I think I would vote Charlton Heston. Why? He'd probably end up shooting everyone. At least that would be funny.
Ashton & Demi, Justin & Cameron, Rene & Jack: The newest trend lately seems to be older women dating younger men. Isn't it funny how much the world has changed? It's not just old Michael Douglas like men picking up young Catherine Zeta Jones'. It's now the opposite. Of course all these relationships will end in failure. Why? Just a hunch.
J. Lo & B. Af: So Ben went to a strip club. Woopity-doo! I know exactly how this relationship will turn out. They will eventually get married out of spite to the media saying "Hey, we did it. I told you we loved each other." Within under a year, they get divorced and J. Lo goes back to Puff Daddy (P. Diddy) because he's still in love with her, and Ben will end up with his true soulmate Matt Damon. Bros before hoes my friend.
I usually talk about topics happening within my life or just random thoughts I have that ultimately amount to nothing. Today, I think I'll talk the pressing topics that concern us all.
Gay Marriage: Who gives fuck who's fucking who? Seriously, if two people love each other then let them get married. Who cares if they share the same plumbing and wardrobe? As long as you're not marrying your pet dog or a 12 year old then it's fine with me. And you church goers who think that two men or women getting married is wrong, think back to when you first got married and I bet that not every person was %100 behind you. But you did it anyways. Why? Because you love this person. So Jean Cretien, don't fucking back down from these Bishops saying you're going to hell because of this decision. You're in the liberal party so it's time that you live up to that name.
The Terminator: Why would anyone vote for Arnold Schawanrearnar (who the hell knows how to spell that?) for governer? Seriously, he's an actor. Actually, he's not even an actor. He was a body builder. And Gary Coleman? He wasn't even an actor either. If I lived in the great state of California, I think I would vote Charlton Heston. Why? He'd probably end up shooting everyone. At least that would be funny.
Ashton & Demi, Justin & Cameron, Rene & Jack: The newest trend lately seems to be older women dating younger men. Isn't it funny how much the world has changed? It's not just old Michael Douglas like men picking up young Catherine Zeta Jones'. It's now the opposite. Of course all these relationships will end in failure. Why? Just a hunch.
J. Lo & B. Af: So Ben went to a strip club. Woopity-doo! I know exactly how this relationship will turn out. They will eventually get married out of spite to the media saying "Hey, we did it. I told you we loved each other." Within under a year, they get divorced and J. Lo goes back to Puff Daddy (P. Diddy) because he's still in love with her, and Ben will end up with his true soulmate Matt Damon. Bros before hoes my friend.
A Poem
I was just sitting here going through some pictures and converted one of her to grey scale. I don't know why, but it really moved me. I thought I'd write something:
I know I love her
She loves me too
More than we can understand
Our lives are just like one
On the other side of the world
A web is what connects us
Not lies and deciet
It's only her I want to see
When I think of what I need
I was just sitting here going through some pictures and converted one of her to grey scale. I don't know why, but it really moved me. I thought I'd write something:
I know I love her
She loves me too
More than we can understand
Our lives are just like one
On the other side of the world
A web is what connects us
Not lies and deciet
It's only her I want to see
When I think of what I need
Hurray!
So I just read that the new Weezer album will be darker than the last two which is quite nice to hear. Rivers is sad - hurray! Just kidding. Dope Nose and Photograph are both really amazing songs, but it's like "Dude, open up a bit." I don't know. It's not that it's nice to hear sad songs. It's just that I think it's a lot easier to express that side of yourself and those emotions come off a lot more honest and truthful, and, in my opinion, beautiful.
So I just read that the new Weezer album will be darker than the last two which is quite nice to hear. Rivers is sad - hurray! Just kidding. Dope Nose and Photograph are both really amazing songs, but it's like "Dude, open up a bit." I don't know. It's not that it's nice to hear sad songs. It's just that I think it's a lot easier to express that side of yourself and those emotions come off a lot more honest and truthful, and, in my opinion, beautiful.
Lenny Bruce Lee
An earlier conversation that I didn't think was that funny. Comment as you feel appropriate:
Anyways... just sitting here. I just took a "Right Job For You" test and it said that I should do something creative with my life. Since it's a free test it's very vague and you have to pay for a more indepth analysis. Maybe I'm destined to become the all time champion of Beat The Geeks?
An earlier conversation that I didn't think was that funny. Comment as you feel appropriate:
Girl's Brother: Who are you talking to?I personally didn't find my tired and bored comment funny, but apparently her family did.
Girl: Jesus' son.
Girl's brother: The Jesus!
Girl: That's the only way he'll remember you.
Girl's brother: But we're all Jesus' sons.
Boy: Not the Jews.
Anyways... just sitting here. I just took a "Right Job For You" test and it said that I should do something creative with my life. Since it's a free test it's very vague and you have to pay for a more indepth analysis. Maybe I'm destined to become the all time champion of Beat The Geeks?
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Safe For The Moment
I'm feeling okay lately. Can't explain why, but I do. The once innocent optimism that instilled me is gone, but not forgotten. I'm sure my bouts with depression and thoughts of suicide (kicking the bucket pre-maturely) might, or should I say probably will comeback one day, but right now I'm happy not thinking about it. Happy? That's a strong word. It's more like I'm okay with things right now. Perhaps it's a case of serenity now and insanity later? I don't know.
I'm anticipating two pieces of mail right now:
That shirt will be so bright that you could see it from Across the Sea.
I'm feeling okay lately. Can't explain why, but I do. The once innocent optimism that instilled me is gone, but not forgotten. I'm sure my bouts with depression and thoughts of suicide (kicking the bucket pre-maturely) might, or should I say probably will comeback one day, but right now I'm happy not thinking about it. Happy? That's a strong word. It's more like I'm okay with things right now. Perhaps it's a case of serenity now and insanity later? I don't know.
I'm anticipating two pieces of mail right now:
1) $1,000,000 for Ed MacMahon
2) My Green Album Green Weezer T-shirt
That shirt will be so bright that you could see it from Across the Sea.
Love, I guess
I've been thinking a lot lately. Without the internet and my TV not working half the time it gives you time to think. I thought about my life and where it will eventually go, or, at least, where I want it to go. This is probably going to be a long rant so bare (bear) with me.
School starts up again within a few weeks. And I've never been one to like school. Elementary, high school, and even now in University, I just never liked it. Well, not that I didn't like school, I just don't know where it will take me. Lately, I've been thinking I'm going to go to school, and I'm eventually going to end up doing something completely different from what I had "Planned". Not that I really have any plans. I just think that I'm eventually going to go into something that I hadn't planned on or expected... because I'm going to probably end up as a hobo / troubador.
And though she and I have broken up, she's probably not in love with me anymore, and it seems quite impossible, I still want my life to be with her. Our relationship is different now, I guess. It's not that same "You're the only thing that matters to me" insanity as before (Not that I was ever the most important thing to her with a certain damn guy in her life). But I still love her, dearly, genuninely, and with all my heart. I love her. And, yes, I'll say it, I'm still in love with her... which leads me right into my next topic...
Love. I still love her. And I always will. I'm still in love with her. And I always will be. And that's old pessimistic me thinking "I'll never have kids, I'll never fall in love again..." that's realistic me knowing that she's an amazing person. A person that's beautiful and loving and my best-friend. My emotional breakdowns as of late where I state "I'll probably never fall in love again ya da ya da ya da..." I don't know... those are feelings I'm feeling right now. Why? I think it's because I don't want to look for love for awhile. I have to figure things out on my own. I have to find myself and my life and where I need to go and what I need to do. And I've probably lost the greatest love I'll ever have and ever know, but it's not her fault or is it mine. It's just the way things are I guess. It's just the wrong time. Because right now, I think I have to figure myself out and where I'll eventually end up. And I'd like to think that she'll be there to watch me or at least hear about where I'm going to end up. And I'd like to think that she'll help me along the way.
All my life, at least for the last few years, all I've really thought about was love. I had that and I like to still think I still have that even though it might not be felt the exact same way, I still know it's love. Now my life will move on, and she will move with my for she will always in my heart and she is always on my mind - Yes, A Phantom Planet Reference.
One last thing... who the fuck thought of Putting an Emo section at HMV?
I've been thinking a lot lately. Without the internet and my TV not working half the time it gives you time to think. I thought about my life and where it will eventually go, or, at least, where I want it to go. This is probably going to be a long rant so bare (bear) with me.
School starts up again within a few weeks. And I've never been one to like school. Elementary, high school, and even now in University, I just never liked it. Well, not that I didn't like school, I just don't know where it will take me. Lately, I've been thinking I'm going to go to school, and I'm eventually going to end up doing something completely different from what I had "Planned". Not that I really have any plans. I just think that I'm eventually going to go into something that I hadn't planned on or expected... because I'm going to probably end up as a hobo / troubador.
And though she and I have broken up, she's probably not in love with me anymore, and it seems quite impossible, I still want my life to be with her. Our relationship is different now, I guess. It's not that same "You're the only thing that matters to me" insanity as before (Not that I was ever the most important thing to her with a certain damn guy in her life). But I still love her, dearly, genuninely, and with all my heart. I love her. And, yes, I'll say it, I'm still in love with her... which leads me right into my next topic...
Love. I still love her. And I always will. I'm still in love with her. And I always will be. And that's old pessimistic me thinking "I'll never have kids, I'll never fall in love again..." that's realistic me knowing that she's an amazing person. A person that's beautiful and loving and my best-friend. My emotional breakdowns as of late where I state "I'll probably never fall in love again ya da ya da ya da..." I don't know... those are feelings I'm feeling right now. Why? I think it's because I don't want to look for love for awhile. I have to figure things out on my own. I have to find myself and my life and where I need to go and what I need to do. And I've probably lost the greatest love I'll ever have and ever know, but it's not her fault or is it mine. It's just the way things are I guess. It's just the wrong time. Because right now, I think I have to figure myself out and where I'll eventually end up. And I'd like to think that she'll be there to watch me or at least hear about where I'm going to end up. And I'd like to think that she'll help me along the way.
All my life, at least for the last few years, all I've really thought about was love. I had that and I like to still think I still have that even though it might not be felt the exact same way, I still know it's love. Now my life will move on, and she will move with my for she will always in my heart and she is always on my mind - Yes, A Phantom Planet Reference.
One last thing... who the fuck thought of Putting an Emo section at HMV?
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Family Tree
I come from a very long line of weird people. My father, better known as Jecho, is depressed, far too worried, and probably has never been happy a day in his life. My mother, also known as Jecha (the female of the species), has always been quite depressed, has not gotten over the death of her mother, and has openly told me that she has wanted to kill myself. My brother, Jecho Jr., he goes to a shrink, is 25 years old without any career options, and is in love with a girl that is quite frankly a moron. And then it comes to me... I'm probably the worst off because I'm the product of two insane people and the sibling of a guy running an illegal busines. You might think that my brother might be just as bad off as me, but in all honesty he has it pretty good. He has a girlfriend who I think he pretty much uses for sex and a place to stay, he's quite good with mechanics and stuff, and when (finally) finishes school he'll probably have a good job, marry (or impregnate) said girlfriend, and probably never see my family again. Me, I didn't get blessed with the ablities to understand how computers work (my bridge is burning as I type this), or how to read binary code, or to watch Battle Bots for the technical brillance rather than the smashing and sparks. Me, I'm a geek... in fact, I prefer Beat the Geeks than Battle Bots, but that's a completely different story. My brother and I are two completely different people and I'm starting to realize that. We share a lot though. You can't live with someone your entire life and not share stuff. We share the same fears (not my moronic, superficial ones), the same demons, and I bet the same hatred for our parents. Actually, no. He loves them more than I do. I just want them to go away. Where was I? Ah yes, me. My brother is quite technical, while I'm more artistic. I've been artistic ever since the seventh grade and Nirvana Unplugged struck a chord with me. Probablly an E5 in flat tuning.
What the hell am I trying to say? I've lost all train of thought. I just think that I come from a long line of fuck ups and my seed is a rare one. That's all for now... I'm not really sad or anything. Just feeling reflective. I'm just sitting here drinking super fancy tea. It's in a freaking silk bag!!! How often do you get that? All I really want is some sugar in my tea... hear me? Hear me? I want sugar in my tea. But I'm fat as it is, so no sugar for me.
I come from a very long line of weird people. My father, better known as Jecho, is depressed, far too worried, and probably has never been happy a day in his life. My mother, also known as Jecha (the female of the species), has always been quite depressed, has not gotten over the death of her mother, and has openly told me that she has wanted to kill myself. My brother, Jecho Jr., he goes to a shrink, is 25 years old without any career options, and is in love with a girl that is quite frankly a moron. And then it comes to me... I'm probably the worst off because I'm the product of two insane people and the sibling of a guy running an illegal busines. You might think that my brother might be just as bad off as me, but in all honesty he has it pretty good. He has a girlfriend who I think he pretty much uses for sex and a place to stay, he's quite good with mechanics and stuff, and when (finally) finishes school he'll probably have a good job, marry (or impregnate) said girlfriend, and probably never see my family again. Me, I didn't get blessed with the ablities to understand how computers work (my bridge is burning as I type this), or how to read binary code, or to watch Battle Bots for the technical brillance rather than the smashing and sparks. Me, I'm a geek... in fact, I prefer Beat the Geeks than Battle Bots, but that's a completely different story. My brother and I are two completely different people and I'm starting to realize that. We share a lot though. You can't live with someone your entire life and not share stuff. We share the same fears (not my moronic, superficial ones), the same demons, and I bet the same hatred for our parents. Actually, no. He loves them more than I do. I just want them to go away. Where was I? Ah yes, me. My brother is quite technical, while I'm more artistic. I've been artistic ever since the seventh grade and Nirvana Unplugged struck a chord with me. Probablly an E5 in flat tuning.
What the hell am I trying to say? I've lost all train of thought. I just think that I come from a long line of fuck ups and my seed is a rare one. That's all for now... I'm not really sad or anything. Just feeling reflective. I'm just sitting here drinking super fancy tea. It's in a freaking silk bag!!! How often do you get that? All I really want is some sugar in my tea... hear me? Hear me? I want sugar in my tea. But I'm fat as it is, so no sugar for me.
Today...
Today was a nice day... it was long because of the heat, but it was okay.
I was on the phone for like three hours... Hadn't done that in awhile. At least, not with someone who I actually like talking to.
My computer is fucking up... I wasted three CD-RWs. Do you understand how insane that is? I buy RWs just so I can reuse them, I wasted three. Sons o' bitches, I tell you what.
I got an e-mail from someone I don't know. Actually, I think I do know who it is, but I'm not sure if it's the person I'm thinking of. It wasn't anything personal. It was one of those annoying forwards that one would usually delete right away, but I kept this one wondering who it was from.
I'm quite fat.
I've been listening to the Muffs a lot lately. Why? I don't know. I think because they don't remind me of anyone but myself.
Today was a nice day... it was long because of the heat, but it was okay.
I was on the phone for like three hours... Hadn't done that in awhile. At least, not with someone who I actually like talking to.
My computer is fucking up... I wasted three CD-RWs. Do you understand how insane that is? I buy RWs just so I can reuse them, I wasted three. Sons o' bitches, I tell you what.
I got an e-mail from someone I don't know. Actually, I think I do know who it is, but I'm not sure if it's the person I'm thinking of. It wasn't anything personal. It was one of those annoying forwards that one would usually delete right away, but I kept this one wondering who it was from.
I'm quite fat.
I've been listening to the Muffs a lot lately. Why? I don't know. I think because they don't remind me of anyone but myself.
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
Point Form
Feel a little better today. Why? No real reason. Her basically... I still love her. Beyond what I had ever imagined.
I thought I'd bring something up that's a bit weird. So before she came into my life, I was quite anti-death penalty. I used to think that no matter how bad a crime, if you were Paul Bernardo or Charles Manson or Winona Ryder... it didn't matter how bad the crime, I wouldn't want someone to die because of something they did to me or someone I loved. But now, I say let'em fry... or suffocate... or feel nothing. I think she showed me how much you can really care for a person. And it's not just because that she loved me, but how much she loves other people.
And now, Weezer comes to mind. Why am I always thinking about Rivers? You know what's weird? As a Weezer fan, I think that ultimately, all of us want Rivers to be unhappy. Why? Because that's who we love. We love the unhappy Pinkerton-era Rivers who was in love with a girl with a Pink Triangle on her sleeve that lived Across the Sea. Because not many people can write happy songs, especially good happy songs.
I want to be happy. I want to be optimistic again. But I can't just fake that... at least not yet. It's too soon. I'm still too in love with her to let her go in anyway. A friend of mine at work was once talking to me about her sister who broke up with her first boyfriend and she said, "Of course it's going to hurt. He was her first love and he will forever be in her heart and every boy that comes after will have to measure up to him. I broke up with her first boyfriend last year and now I'm engaged. Sometimes it's for the best." She said something like that... it's not like I carry a tape recorder around with me everywhere, I'm just a blogger with a camera. But what I'm trying to say is, it's way too early for me to be hopeful and optimistic and even think about meeting someone else or anything like that... because we were good as married in my mind, but I guess married in my mind's no good.
I'm gonna be sad and depressed for awhile so just let me live, let me be... I'm not angry or anything. I'm just saying. You grieve and you get on with it.
Feel a little better today. Why? No real reason. Her basically... I still love her. Beyond what I had ever imagined.
I thought I'd bring something up that's a bit weird. So before she came into my life, I was quite anti-death penalty. I used to think that no matter how bad a crime, if you were Paul Bernardo or Charles Manson or Winona Ryder... it didn't matter how bad the crime, I wouldn't want someone to die because of something they did to me or someone I loved. But now, I say let'em fry... or suffocate... or feel nothing. I think she showed me how much you can really care for a person. And it's not just because that she loved me, but how much she loves other people.
And now, Weezer comes to mind. Why am I always thinking about Rivers? You know what's weird? As a Weezer fan, I think that ultimately, all of us want Rivers to be unhappy. Why? Because that's who we love. We love the unhappy Pinkerton-era Rivers who was in love with a girl with a Pink Triangle on her sleeve that lived Across the Sea. Because not many people can write happy songs, especially good happy songs.
I want to be happy. I want to be optimistic again. But I can't just fake that... at least not yet. It's too soon. I'm still too in love with her to let her go in anyway. A friend of mine at work was once talking to me about her sister who broke up with her first boyfriend and she said, "Of course it's going to hurt. He was her first love and he will forever be in her heart and every boy that comes after will have to measure up to him. I broke up with her first boyfriend last year and now I'm engaged. Sometimes it's for the best." She said something like that... it's not like I carry a tape recorder around with me everywhere, I'm just a blogger with a camera. But what I'm trying to say is, it's way too early for me to be hopeful and optimistic and even think about meeting someone else or anything like that... because we were good as married in my mind, but I guess married in my mind's no good.
I'm gonna be sad and depressed for awhile so just let me live, let me be... I'm not angry or anything. I'm just saying. You grieve and you get on with it.
That Voice...
I called her for like three minutes today... dreams still stay the same, but their possibilities of coming true are still low. But I love her. And then, when I called back and I had no time left on my calling card, I looked her picture. She's so beautiful... and her voice... sigh... This would be so much easier if she were ugly and had an manly voice. It's a sinch for her... me being this oaf with long greasy hair and having gained a lot of weigh over the last few months... but for me, it's different. Why? Because I look at people and think nothing... male, female, attractive dogs... it doesn't matter because to me no one even compares to her. No one makes me go "Blah" anymore. Everyone I pass just seems so typical and boring... she is not. She's beautiful and unique and has this amazing set of eyes... damn those eyes. Damn her for ruining me for other women. I actually said that to her way before when we were "just friends".
The only thing that comes to mind right now is an MTX song: "They don't think someone shy like me could get a girl like that to like a guy like me"... it happened once and now it seems impossible to happen again.
Damn...
I called her for like three minutes today... dreams still stay the same, but their possibilities of coming true are still low. But I love her. And then, when I called back and I had no time left on my calling card, I looked her picture. She's so beautiful... and her voice... sigh... This would be so much easier if she were ugly and had an manly voice. It's a sinch for her... me being this oaf with long greasy hair and having gained a lot of weigh over the last few months... but for me, it's different. Why? Because I look at people and think nothing... male, female, attractive dogs... it doesn't matter because to me no one even compares to her. No one makes me go "Blah" anymore. Everyone I pass just seems so typical and boring... she is not. She's beautiful and unique and has this amazing set of eyes... damn those eyes. Damn her for ruining me for other women. I actually said that to her way before when we were "just friends".
The only thing that comes to mind right now is an MTX song: "They don't think someone shy like me could get a girl like that to like a guy like me"... it happened once and now it seems impossible to happen again.
Damn...
So...
Earlier today I typed "Symptoms of Depression" into google and here they are:
I really don't have anything in my life right now worth living for... I apologize for being such a sad sack.
I feel like shaving my head and trying to be a monk... or Deb from Empire Records. Actually, Deb would make a lot more sense considering the fact that she tried to kill herself with a lady bic and the fact that I kept thinking about burning down the church where my now God Daughter's baptism was.
I think too much.
I'm in a Tegan and Sara mood.
I'm ripping a copy of Reality Bites yet I own the DVD. If anyone is interested in a DVD Rip of it, just ask me.
I'd like to be anywhere but here.
I'd like to be anyone but myself.
I'm in desperate need of a smile. Why can't "What I like about you" be on everyday?
I'm too depressed to be creative.
I don't think I'll ever get over "This Girl".
I'm desperate for love and affection.
Earlier today I typed "Symptoms of Depression" into google and here they are:
I then began to laugh out loud. Why? Because I had every single one.
persistent sadness or unhappiness
lethargy
loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
irritability
sudden change in appetite
disruption of normal sleep pattern
physical discomfort
difficulty thinking or concentrating
thoughts of suicide or death.
I really don't have anything in my life right now worth living for... I apologize for being such a sad sack.
I feel like shaving my head and trying to be a monk... or Deb from Empire Records. Actually, Deb would make a lot more sense considering the fact that she tried to kill herself with a lady bic and the fact that I kept thinking about burning down the church where my now God Daughter's baptism was.
I think too much.
I'm in a Tegan and Sara mood.
I'm ripping a copy of Reality Bites yet I own the DVD. If anyone is interested in a DVD Rip of it, just ask me.
I'd like to be anywhere but here.
I'd like to be anyone but myself.
I'm in desperate need of a smile. Why can't "What I like about you" be on everyday?
I'm too depressed to be creative.
I don't think I'll ever get over "This Girl".
I'm desperate for love and affection.
Monday, August 11, 2003
A Song
I wrote this a few weeks ago right after the "Break-up" and I think it sums up how I still feel about the whole thing. Musical influences? I'd say it's Pinkerton meets Goldfinger meets Bright Eyes meets Kasey Chambers... title? Umm... how about "I'm Soory".
You... You filled me up with hope
And after all these Years things were just the same
And I... knew feelings would stay strong
Even if they were so wrong with warnings that they'd change
And even though that times have changed
and All the feelings felt the same
Though distance made us worlds apart
It made you closer in my heart
And you...
Were so...
Far away from me
The dreams
I had
Were all that I could see
Don't tell me these pictures are all I have to remember you
Don't tell me that I'm losing my last piece of blue
And I... I just can't seem to cope
I just can't handle change... or anything at all
And love... didn't seem so hard
And though it seemed quite far I could feel it in my fingers
And I could feel you in my hands
Slipping through like grains of sand
And we might have known this all along
That we can't live through letters and song
And you...
Were so...
Far away from me
The dreams
I had
Were all that I could see
Don't tell me these pictures are all I have to remember you
Don't tell me that I'm losing my last piece of blue
We convinced ourselves that things would change and things would get better
That time would pass and I'll have changed and that we'd be together
But maybe all I said was lies. You believed them and so did I. So I'll write you one last time and start to cry.
And you...
Were so...
Far away from me
The dreams
I had
Were all that I could see
Don't tell me these pictures are all I have to remember you
Don't tell me that I'm losing my last piece of blue
Don't tell me these pictures are all I have to remember you
Don't tell me that I'm losing my last piece of blue
I wrote this a few weeks ago right after the "Break-up" and I think it sums up how I still feel about the whole thing. Musical influences? I'd say it's Pinkerton meets Goldfinger meets Bright Eyes meets Kasey Chambers... title? Umm... how about "I'm Soory".
You... You filled me up with hope
And after all these Years things were just the same
And I... knew feelings would stay strong
Even if they were so wrong with warnings that they'd change
And even though that times have changed
and All the feelings felt the same
Though distance made us worlds apart
It made you closer in my heart
And you...
Were so...
Far away from me
The dreams
I had
Were all that I could see
Don't tell me these pictures are all I have to remember you
Don't tell me that I'm losing my last piece of blue
And I... I just can't seem to cope
I just can't handle change... or anything at all
And love... didn't seem so hard
And though it seemed quite far I could feel it in my fingers
And I could feel you in my hands
Slipping through like grains of sand
And we might have known this all along
That we can't live through letters and song
And you...
Were so...
Far away from me
The dreams
I had
Were all that I could see
Don't tell me these pictures are all I have to remember you
Don't tell me that I'm losing my last piece of blue
We convinced ourselves that things would change and things would get better
That time would pass and I'll have changed and that we'd be together
But maybe all I said was lies. You believed them and so did I. So I'll write you one last time and start to cry.
And you...
Were so...
Far away from me
The dreams
I had
Were all that I could see
Don't tell me these pictures are all I have to remember you
Don't tell me that I'm losing my last piece of blue
Don't tell me these pictures are all I have to remember you
Don't tell me that I'm losing my last piece of blue
On The Way Home...
On the way home my mini van should have been my death bed... good thing I took the short way home.
I feel like putting in all of my usual comfort stuff - Pinkerton, Reality Bites, Before Sunrise, Undergrads... but the sad thing is, I don't think that they could even do anything for me in my current state of emotional confussion.
For the very longest time, I will say all of my post Saturday Morning Cartoon age, I've always felt that whatever job I had wouldn't really matter. If I were $20,000,000 actor, low level assembly line worker, or hobo/trobadour, at the end of the day, if I had someone to go home to, maybe a wife, son, and/or daughter, then everything would be okay. Everything would be alright. I would then have something worth living for. And I've always lived with the hope that I might have that some day. And I think why I'm so sad is that I'm coming to terms with the facts that I'll probably never have that. That my stupid dreams of falling in love and being with someone and having something to cling on to will most likely never happen.
Song of the Moment: I don't think I'll find the love I want, the love I'm searching for so desperately... I tried, you know I tried, I tried. As hard as it may be I know you should be with me.
On the way home my mini van should have been my death bed... good thing I took the short way home.
I feel like putting in all of my usual comfort stuff - Pinkerton, Reality Bites, Before Sunrise, Undergrads... but the sad thing is, I don't think that they could even do anything for me in my current state of emotional confussion.
For the very longest time, I will say all of my post Saturday Morning Cartoon age, I've always felt that whatever job I had wouldn't really matter. If I were $20,000,000 actor, low level assembly line worker, or hobo/trobadour, at the end of the day, if I had someone to go home to, maybe a wife, son, and/or daughter, then everything would be okay. Everything would be alright. I would then have something worth living for. And I've always lived with the hope that I might have that some day. And I think why I'm so sad is that I'm coming to terms with the facts that I'll probably never have that. That my stupid dreams of falling in love and being with someone and having something to cling on to will most likely never happen.
Song of the Moment: I don't think I'll find the love I want, the love I'm searching for so desperately... I tried, you know I tried, I tried. As hard as it may be I know you should be with me.
Sunday, August 10, 2003
Alas
I'm coming out of the closet. I'm quite depressed. I am probably more depressed than I have ever been...
Do you ever think the meaning of your own existence? Do you ever wonder if you really matter at all? Personally, lately, I feel like I don't matter at all. I feel like my life is just this thing that happens and is something in the background of other people's lives, but my life is just nothing special. I feel like it's all falling apart. Actually, no, not falling apart, because for something to fall apart, something has to actually be there. I'm just very confused and sad and yes, that one eyed green devil suicide has reared it's head again. And it's not really the idea of I want to kill myself, but I just sometimes wonder would it matter if I were here at all? The way I look at my life, I think I will always be unhappy. I will forever be unhappy and I won't become anything great and I probably won't get married and I probably won't have kids and I'll grow up to be and die as the same person I've been all my life. As you can see, I'm feeling quite negative lately. But what was my point? Ah yes, suicide. It's not really I think about offering myself as a present to the gods, I've just been thinking that my life won't make a difference either way and my death would at least get people to think of me every once in awhile.
Do you ever go through those bouts where you wake up, shave, and wonder if you slit your own throat? Or if you're walking against traffic and you think about jumping in front of a car? Or plan you're on funeral and think about who would go and what people would actually say?
I feel like I've been going through so much lately... not just as of recent, but for months now. I've been thinking about my life, my future, where end I'll end up, who I'll be with, what kind of carreer will I have... everything. And I think about everything and I just don't know. The future is just so up in arms and uncertain. I hope things get better, but I really don't know if they ever will. In the first edition "Anti-Social Commentaries" I wrote "Hope is the only thing worth living for." As of late, I feel like I'm left with none. The hopeful and underlying optimistic in me seems to be dying.
I've been out of high school for 3 years now and 7 more will be my high school reunion... I can picture everything. Most will be married, some with kids, others with extremely high paying jobs... I can see the successes. I can see the people who wanted things and I can see them getting them. I see the burnouts with families and little pieces of happiness. And then I see myself as the same person I've always been.
Don't worry about me... I won't be pulling a Kurt Cobain any time soon. In fact, a Marvin Gaye would happen before that would. I'm just putting it out there. I don't feel well at all. I'm sad. I'm scared.
One last thing. I held a baby in my arms over the weekend. She and I had a good chat. I told her that I love her and that I really hope to see her grow up and be happy. And then I rubber her soft hair against my face much like I do with the Beanie Babies at my store. Good night...
I'm coming out of the closet. I'm quite depressed. I am probably more depressed than I have ever been...
Do you ever think the meaning of your own existence? Do you ever wonder if you really matter at all? Personally, lately, I feel like I don't matter at all. I feel like my life is just this thing that happens and is something in the background of other people's lives, but my life is just nothing special. I feel like it's all falling apart. Actually, no, not falling apart, because for something to fall apart, something has to actually be there. I'm just very confused and sad and yes, that one eyed green devil suicide has reared it's head again. And it's not really the idea of I want to kill myself, but I just sometimes wonder would it matter if I were here at all? The way I look at my life, I think I will always be unhappy. I will forever be unhappy and I won't become anything great and I probably won't get married and I probably won't have kids and I'll grow up to be and die as the same person I've been all my life. As you can see, I'm feeling quite negative lately. But what was my point? Ah yes, suicide. It's not really I think about offering myself as a present to the gods, I've just been thinking that my life won't make a difference either way and my death would at least get people to think of me every once in awhile.
Do you ever go through those bouts where you wake up, shave, and wonder if you slit your own throat? Or if you're walking against traffic and you think about jumping in front of a car? Or plan you're on funeral and think about who would go and what people would actually say?
I feel like I've been going through so much lately... not just as of recent, but for months now. I've been thinking about my life, my future, where end I'll end up, who I'll be with, what kind of carreer will I have... everything. And I think about everything and I just don't know. The future is just so up in arms and uncertain. I hope things get better, but I really don't know if they ever will. In the first edition "Anti-Social Commentaries" I wrote "Hope is the only thing worth living for." As of late, I feel like I'm left with none. The hopeful and underlying optimistic in me seems to be dying.
I've been out of high school for 3 years now and 7 more will be my high school reunion... I can picture everything. Most will be married, some with kids, others with extremely high paying jobs... I can see the successes. I can see the people who wanted things and I can see them getting them. I see the burnouts with families and little pieces of happiness. And then I see myself as the same person I've always been.
Don't worry about me... I won't be pulling a Kurt Cobain any time soon. In fact, a Marvin Gaye would happen before that would. I'm just putting it out there. I don't feel well at all. I'm sad. I'm scared.
One last thing. I held a baby in my arms over the weekend. She and I had a good chat. I told her that I love her and that I really hope to see her grow up and be happy. And then I rubber her soft hair against my face much like I do with the Beanie Babies at my store. Good night...
Friday, August 08, 2003
Thursday, August 07, 2003
Someone I Don't Know
It's odd to hear a sad story of someone you don't know. I don't know how I found this journal or why I book marked it, but I read it semi-often.
It's odd to hear a sad story of someone you don't know. I don't know how I found this journal or why I book marked it, but I read it semi-often.
Nothing
Nothing at all... I am empty and sick. My diet has consisted of Coke and Chocolate bars and I've got chills and a fever...
Nothing at all... I am empty and sick. My diet has consisted of Coke and Chocolate bars and I've got chills and a fever...
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
Let's Say...
Let's say I booked a flight to see her. And let's say that I won a million dollars from the airline for being the first asian person from the GTA to take an airplane and not have Sars. Let's say that I see her and tell her that I'm still in love with her. And let's say I start to cry and have nothing else to say. Let's say we kiss and hold each other for a good half hour. And let's say I can be happy...
Let's say I booked a flight to see her. And let's say that I won a million dollars from the airline for being the first asian person from the GTA to take an airplane and not have Sars. Let's say that I see her and tell her that I'm still in love with her. And let's say I start to cry and have nothing else to say. Let's say we kiss and hold each other for a good half hour. And let's say I can be happy...
Always, A Dreamer
Images
There are images that just stick with you and will probably always stay in your memory bank. I had one the other day. The night of "The Ball" actually. My cousin, he's around 26, 27, and he pulled out two cigarettes, lit both, and handed one to his dad. Why this will stay in my head? Firstly, I had no idea my cousin smoked. It just kind of shocked me to see him smoking because he used to be such a health nut. Secondly, it seemed like a metaphor for their relationship. They have an odd relationship. My cousin is "the man" of the house. He makes the money while my uncle has not had a job in years... out of his own laziness, not out of hard times. At first, watching my cousin hand him the cigarette, it seemed like they were equals. My cousin, he's always had problems with his dad (but who doesn't), and watching the simple exchange of a cigarette made it seem like they were on the same level. But now that I think about it, it's as if my cousin is now superior to his father. He lit the cigarette, he handed it over, he paid for it... Just a thought.
There are images that just stick with you and will probably always stay in your memory bank. I had one the other day. The night of "The Ball" actually. My cousin, he's around 26, 27, and he pulled out two cigarettes, lit both, and handed one to his dad. Why this will stay in my head? Firstly, I had no idea my cousin smoked. It just kind of shocked me to see him smoking because he used to be such a health nut. Secondly, it seemed like a metaphor for their relationship. They have an odd relationship. My cousin is "the man" of the house. He makes the money while my uncle has not had a job in years... out of his own laziness, not out of hard times. At first, watching my cousin hand him the cigarette, it seemed like they were equals. My cousin, he's always had problems with his dad (but who doesn't), and watching the simple exchange of a cigarette made it seem like they were on the same level. But now that I think about it, it's as if my cousin is now superior to his father. He lit the cigarette, he handed it over, he paid for it... Just a thought.
Have A Ball
I went to a Debutante ball the other day. I had no idea what I was going to before hand. I had not one idea other than the fact that it was going to involve dancing and be quite "Upper-class". It was definitely not my scene. Firstly, I came straight from work. Secondly, I wore Roots shoes and a my Club Monaco hat. And thirdly, coreagraphed dancing?
I really did not know what was going to come. Apparently, this thing is an 18th birthday extravaganza. Months and months of hard work went into this. The people who danced worked on it for about five months. So this girl, who by the way had a huge chest, danced with 15 of her closest friends, and then had to dance with 18 guys and then had 18 candles lit by 18 girls. It was a very awkward thing for me to watch. Why? Well, firstly, the girl had this smile on her face the entire time. If I were an 18 year old being the centre of attention, I don't think I could keep a smile. I hate attention... especially for something so stupid. You turned 18... woopity-do! It's not like you turned 80 or won the nobel peace prize.
I think my "debut" bashing comes from the simple idea that I don't like my family. If I were surrounded by my family and all of a sudden they started telling me things that sounded phoney, fake, and, most importantly, I had never heard before, I would probably start yelling at them and get pissed off. Maybe this girl was genuinely happy? Perhaps she got lucky and actually like her family? I don't know.
I was sad throughout the whole thing. I couldn't help but have my mind on someone. She's always there. I can't help it. I thought about many things. It was like my life flashed before my eyes. Not so much my life, but my future. It kind of scared me. I began to wonder if I'd ever have a child. If I'd ever had a daughter. If I'd ever get the chance to throw a debutante ball. Right now, my future feels bleak. I really don't know what's going to happen at all. There's so much uncertainty and the certainties all seem sad and pathetic. At least, I've got Batman, an Ebow, and package coming my way.
I think I'll end with a quote, "You've got me feeling emotions".
I went to a Debutante ball the other day. I had no idea what I was going to before hand. I had not one idea other than the fact that it was going to involve dancing and be quite "Upper-class". It was definitely not my scene. Firstly, I came straight from work. Secondly, I wore Roots shoes and a my Club Monaco hat. And thirdly, coreagraphed dancing?
I really did not know what was going to come. Apparently, this thing is an 18th birthday extravaganza. Months and months of hard work went into this. The people who danced worked on it for about five months. So this girl, who by the way had a huge chest, danced with 15 of her closest friends, and then had to dance with 18 guys and then had 18 candles lit by 18 girls. It was a very awkward thing for me to watch. Why? Well, firstly, the girl had this smile on her face the entire time. If I were an 18 year old being the centre of attention, I don't think I could keep a smile. I hate attention... especially for something so stupid. You turned 18... woopity-do! It's not like you turned 80 or won the nobel peace prize.
I think my "debut" bashing comes from the simple idea that I don't like my family. If I were surrounded by my family and all of a sudden they started telling me things that sounded phoney, fake, and, most importantly, I had never heard before, I would probably start yelling at them and get pissed off. Maybe this girl was genuinely happy? Perhaps she got lucky and actually like her family? I don't know.
I was sad throughout the whole thing. I couldn't help but have my mind on someone. She's always there. I can't help it. I thought about many things. It was like my life flashed before my eyes. Not so much my life, but my future. It kind of scared me. I began to wonder if I'd ever have a child. If I'd ever had a daughter. If I'd ever get the chance to throw a debutante ball. Right now, my future feels bleak. I really don't know what's going to happen at all. There's so much uncertainty and the certainties all seem sad and pathetic. At least, I've got Batman, an Ebow, and package coming my way.
I think I'll end with a quote, "You've got me feeling emotions".
Monday, August 04, 2003
Fuck Squakbox
Why would someone pay for comments? Why? I refuse that... I've moved to another server so please, tell me what you think of the new template, new comments, and what have yous...
Why would someone pay for comments? Why? I refuse that... I've moved to another server so please, tell me what you think of the new template, new comments, and what have yous...
Lyrics
I'm ripping this from someone else's site... since the comments aren't working, I'll put your comment for you - Biter. Let's see how many times Weezer will come up.
I'm ripping this from someone else's site... since the comments aren't working, I'll put your comment for you - Biter. Let's see how many times Weezer will come up.
1) "Words and dreams and a million screams"
2) "... so won't you kill me so I die happy."
3) "It's a great big world, but all I want is you."
4) "We were good as married in my mind, but married in my mind's no good."
5) "She says it's alright with you, it's alright without you, either way it's just fine."
6) "I still believe you should be with me"
7) "Promise me no dead end streets and I'll garauntee we'll have the road"
8) "Sharing a cigarette we wish upon a star together"
9) "Hey hey hey I always wish I was with you"
10) "Sometimes it seems you're not with me... it hurts me so much"
Saturday, August 02, 2003
Guilty Pleasure
This is a weird one that isn't so weird musically, but the artist is just a freak of nature. No, not Michael Jackson or Prince... R. Kelly. I really love his song "I Wish".
I wish that I could hold you now...
This is a weird one that isn't so weird musically, but the artist is just a freak of nature. No, not Michael Jackson or Prince... R. Kelly. I really love his song "I Wish".
I wish that I could hold you now...
Links And Other Catastrophes
This new template may look like I didn't do much, but it pretty much took me all morning.
I've added many a link on the side there... Can you believe there isn't one good Before Sunrise or Reality Bites page on the net? Perhaps I should make one.
This new template may look like I didn't do much, but it pretty much took me all morning.
I've added many a link on the side there... Can you believe there isn't one good Before Sunrise or Reality Bites page on the net? Perhaps I should make one.
Sadness
Sadness is nature's way of letting you know you're alive. Without sadness those moments of happiness, those Big Gulp moments would not be as sweet (and cold and icy).
I blog way too much... but it's fine. It sure beats talking to myself outloud. I've cut down on that quite a bit. I come off less insane now... but if you're less insane, you're still insane. It's like going through an earthquake. An 8 might be less than a 10, but it's still going to shake like Boggle.
Sadness is nature's way of letting you know you're alive. Without sadness those moments of happiness, those Big Gulp moments would not be as sweet (and cold and icy).
I blog way too much... but it's fine. It sure beats talking to myself outloud. I've cut down on that quite a bit. I come off less insane now... but if you're less insane, you're still insane. It's like going through an earthquake. An 8 might be less than a 10, but it's still going to shake like Boggle.
Number Five
Yes, yet another Weezer post.
I'm quite concerned about album number five for the simple reason I have no idea of what's coming our way. As a major follower of the Weez, having just written a parody about front man Rivers Cuomo, I tend to rely on the band a lot. They're like my band I grew up with... alongside Green Day and The Mr T Experience. I wait and anticipate new material. But since Weezer made "Across the Sea" I think I have more of an emotional attachment to them than any other band.
Anyways, Blue, an album for the smart and clever, bored with Cobain and not kiddie enough for the New Kids. I always thought the album was about innocent optimism, but that's just me. Then, Pinkerton, the greatest album of all time... a bunch of sad love songs about longing and needing. Next, Green, I think it's the opposite of the Blue. The innocence is gone, and the optimism is more contrived. It's about wanting to get over sadness and just be happy I think. Maladroit... it wasn't really about anything except playing around in the studio I think.
So number five? I do not know what they have in store... And no Matt at all, but I'll get back to that in a second. So number five, what is in store? I downloaded Weezer's cover of my favourite Green Day song, "Worry Rock". It's so not what I expected. It's very country and intimate and soft. So maybe that's where the band is headed, much like Matt has already done... and quite well. But the next album is being produced by Rick Ruben (Not Ric Ocasek). Rick Ruben? Why Rick Ruben? They aren't a rap metal band. Though he's like a huge producer having worked with the Beastie Boys, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, and System of a Down (also Mel C of the Spice Girls), I've never been a fan of his production style. It's very empty and hollow. The drums area always too loud. I just do not like it. So if they're with Rick Ruben then is River going to start rapping? Is that where they're headed? "Why you wanna go and do me like that? Come down on the street and dance with me?" It's good for a line or two, but a whole album? I'm really going on about nothing... reviewing an album that hasn't been recorded yet.
But what I really want to say is something I've thought about a lot. Rivers and Matt. You know what made those first two albums great? No, I'm not going to say Matt because I've always been pro-Matt since day one. But what made the first two albums great was that the band had two great artists that really knew their stuff. No offense to Pat or Brian, but Matt, I think he had more of a say in the band and he was probably more vocal about the way things were run. It's sort of like Lennon and McCartney, or Strummer and Jones, or Tufnel and St. Hubbins... The band I think just sort of lets Rivers run the show and they enjoy.
A few weeks ago I watched a film called "Two of Us". It was about Lennon and McCartney. Basically, it painted John as this artsy brat out to say something important and making dark music while Paul enjoyed making "Little Love Songs". When they made Pinkerton, Rivers was the John and Matt was the Paul. Today, I don't know... Rivers is definitely like Paul McCartney. It seems very much like he's afraid to go back to making those darker and personal songs that made Pinkerton so great. Matt? I don't think he's really trying to do anything like Lennon or McCartney. His music now is just very soft and deep and personal... I think I might be anticipating his album more than the Weezer album. Why? Perhaps it's the softness? The country feel? The fact that every song I write starts on G now? I don't know...
Say it ain't so...
Yes, yet another Weezer post.
I'm quite concerned about album number five for the simple reason I have no idea of what's coming our way. As a major follower of the Weez, having just written a parody about front man Rivers Cuomo, I tend to rely on the band a lot. They're like my band I grew up with... alongside Green Day and The Mr T Experience. I wait and anticipate new material. But since Weezer made "Across the Sea" I think I have more of an emotional attachment to them than any other band.
Anyways, Blue, an album for the smart and clever, bored with Cobain and not kiddie enough for the New Kids. I always thought the album was about innocent optimism, but that's just me. Then, Pinkerton, the greatest album of all time... a bunch of sad love songs about longing and needing. Next, Green, I think it's the opposite of the Blue. The innocence is gone, and the optimism is more contrived. It's about wanting to get over sadness and just be happy I think. Maladroit... it wasn't really about anything except playing around in the studio I think.
So number five? I do not know what they have in store... And no Matt at all, but I'll get back to that in a second. So number five, what is in store? I downloaded Weezer's cover of my favourite Green Day song, "Worry Rock". It's so not what I expected. It's very country and intimate and soft. So maybe that's where the band is headed, much like Matt has already done... and quite well. But the next album is being produced by Rick Ruben (Not Ric Ocasek). Rick Ruben? Why Rick Ruben? They aren't a rap metal band. Though he's like a huge producer having worked with the Beastie Boys, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, and System of a Down (also Mel C of the Spice Girls), I've never been a fan of his production style. It's very empty and hollow. The drums area always too loud. I just do not like it. So if they're with Rick Ruben then is River going to start rapping? Is that where they're headed? "Why you wanna go and do me like that? Come down on the street and dance with me?" It's good for a line or two, but a whole album? I'm really going on about nothing... reviewing an album that hasn't been recorded yet.
But what I really want to say is something I've thought about a lot. Rivers and Matt. You know what made those first two albums great? No, I'm not going to say Matt because I've always been pro-Matt since day one. But what made the first two albums great was that the band had two great artists that really knew their stuff. No offense to Pat or Brian, but Matt, I think he had more of a say in the band and he was probably more vocal about the way things were run. It's sort of like Lennon and McCartney, or Strummer and Jones, or Tufnel and St. Hubbins... The band I think just sort of lets Rivers run the show and they enjoy.
A few weeks ago I watched a film called "Two of Us". It was about Lennon and McCartney. Basically, it painted John as this artsy brat out to say something important and making dark music while Paul enjoyed making "Little Love Songs". When they made Pinkerton, Rivers was the John and Matt was the Paul. Today, I don't know... Rivers is definitely like Paul McCartney. It seems very much like he's afraid to go back to making those darker and personal songs that made Pinkerton so great. Matt? I don't think he's really trying to do anything like Lennon or McCartney. His music now is just very soft and deep and personal... I think I might be anticipating his album more than the Weezer album. Why? Perhaps it's the softness? The country feel? The fact that every song I write starts on G now? I don't know...
Say it ain't so...
Screw This Crap, I've Had It (I've Had It)
I really, really, really, really want to record my songs, but I just can't seem to get them working on my computer. I think I need to buy some special software and stuff... blech. My brother bought all this stuff like a few years ago. He was supposed to fix up our old computer so we can record. Where is this old computer? He gave it to his girlfriend... Umm... I gave you five hundred dollars for that old computer. Whatever... I hate my brother's Yoko Ono.
I really, really, really, really want to record my songs, but I just can't seem to get them working on my computer. I think I need to buy some special software and stuff... blech. My brother bought all this stuff like a few years ago. He was supposed to fix up our old computer so we can record. Where is this old computer? He gave it to his girlfriend... Umm... I gave you five hundred dollars for that old computer. Whatever... I hate my brother's Yoko Ono.
Friday, August 01, 2003
Be My Rivers Cuomo
So earlier today I wrote Power Pop song with kind of sad lyrics which reminded me of something me and a friend talked about the other day. And then she also said how "Be My Rivers Cuomo" can work for the Bare Naked Ladies song "By My Yoko Ono". So I've done that too. Enjoy:
If you could live without the blue album
Then do so
And if you can live without Pinkerton
Then do so
You can be my Rivers Cuomo
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my (Be my)
Be my
Be my Rivers Cuomo
Isn't it beautiful to hear great songs sang in falsetto
Sad lyrics, and broken hearts, and Asian girls and all those amazing solos
But on green you were happy and that sounded kina of weird
But you still looked cute in Dope Nose with that stupid beard
You can be my Rivers Cuomo
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my (Be my)
Be my
Be my Rivers Cuomo
Oh no, here we go
The workers are going home
Cuomo, here we go
As Rivers always sings "Ooh wee ooh"
I know that when I say this I may be stepping on Pins and Needles
But I don't like all these people saying that he created Emo
(Don't blame it on Rivers)
If I were Sharp and you were Cuomo I wouldn't try for musical genius
Just to have me as your very own personal bassist
You can be my Rivers Cuomo
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my (Be my)
Be my
Be my Rivers Cuomo
So earlier today I wrote Power Pop song with kind of sad lyrics which reminded me of something me and a friend talked about the other day. And then she also said how "Be My Rivers Cuomo" can work for the Bare Naked Ladies song "By My Yoko Ono". So I've done that too. Enjoy:
If you could live without the blue album
Then do so
And if you can live without Pinkerton
Then do so
You can be my Rivers Cuomo
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my (Be my)
Be my
Be my Rivers Cuomo
Isn't it beautiful to hear great songs sang in falsetto
Sad lyrics, and broken hearts, and Asian girls and all those amazing solos
But on green you were happy and that sounded kina of weird
But you still looked cute in Dope Nose with that stupid beard
You can be my Rivers Cuomo
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my (Be my)
Be my
Be my Rivers Cuomo
Oh no, here we go
The workers are going home
Cuomo, here we go
As Rivers always sings "Ooh wee ooh"
I know that when I say this I may be stepping on Pins and Needles
But I don't like all these people saying that he created Emo
(Don't blame it on Rivers)
If I were Sharp and you were Cuomo I wouldn't try for musical genius
Just to have me as your very own personal bassist
You can be my Rivers Cuomo
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my (Be my)
Be my
Be my Rivers Cuomo
A Song
G
And so
Am
We speak again
C G
And you ask me how I am
I try to tell the truth
But I don't think that I can
I'm still in love and I think of you
Almost all the time
But instead I slouch and smile
And tell you that I'm fine
Bm Em C D
And... maybe... things might be okay
But it won't... baby... until we're not far away
G Bm Em D C D G
And I tried and I tried and I tried and I tried to live my life alone
But it's you and it's you and it's you and it's you that fills me up with hope
Bm Em
We can't be together
Am D
and I'll live with that truth
Bm Em
And I'll try to love again
C
But it's no use
G G - Riff - walking
I'm still in love with you
So what
Are you thinking
As you hear my voice again?
Are you still in love with me
Or are you happy staying friends?
I've grown my hair out and you cut yours short
And you've lost a bit of weight
I'd like to tell you that I love you now
But I guess that it's too late
And... never... will my feelings go away
Because you... saved me... with your laters and heys
And I tried and I tried and I tried and I tried to live my life alone
But it's you and it's you and it's you and it's you that I'll always know
We can't be together
and I'll live with that truth
And I'll try to love again
But it's no use
I'm still in love with you
G
And so
Am
We speak again
C G
And you ask me how I am
I try to tell the truth
But I don't think that I can
I'm still in love and I think of you
Almost all the time
But instead I slouch and smile
And tell you that I'm fine
Bm Em C D
And... maybe... things might be okay
But it won't... baby... until we're not far away
G Bm Em D C D G
And I tried and I tried and I tried and I tried to live my life alone
But it's you and it's you and it's you and it's you that fills me up with hope
Bm Em
We can't be together
Am D
and I'll live with that truth
Bm Em
And I'll try to love again
C
But it's no use
G G - Riff - walking
I'm still in love with you
So what
Are you thinking
As you hear my voice again?
Are you still in love with me
Or are you happy staying friends?
I've grown my hair out and you cut yours short
And you've lost a bit of weight
I'd like to tell you that I love you now
But I guess that it's too late
And... never... will my feelings go away
Because you... saved me... with your laters and heys
And I tried and I tried and I tried and I tried to live my life alone
But it's you and it's you and it's you and it's you that I'll always know
We can't be together
and I'll live with that truth
And I'll try to love again
But it's no use
I'm still in love with you
